Behind every great restaurateur ... there's a devoted partner

Plenty of guts. Not much glory. That's what it takes to be the hardworking spouse of a Restaurant Name. But these pros agree: When it comes to the love triangle that is a man, a woman and an all-consuming business, there's no place else they'd rather be.

Hi, I'm: Hyun Joo Paek.

He's: Scott Carsberg.

Our business: Lampreia Restaurant

Cupid strikes: They were introduced at a party in 1990 and Hyun Joo wasn't interested — at first. "I try not to date artistic people. I went to Cornish. I know what they're like." Two months later, Scott proposed. "I was shocked," she recalls.

Who's the boss? "In the restaurant, he is. At home, I am."

You want me to do what?: By day, Hyun Joo keeps the books and manages payroll. At night she's the elegant (if reluctant) hostess "I got pushed into that role. I'm a very shy person." Those jobs, however, are secondary to Job No. 1: "My role is basically as support for Scott, moral support for him, morale support for the staff. They know we're a team. I try to be there as a consistent person, a positive force in the restaurant so he can be more creative and not worry about other things."

Artist at work: "The best thing about working together is sharing the creative process, seeing him doing something that he loves to do, and being there every moment to appreciate it with him."

Scott, on Hyun Joo: "She's 80 percent of my success, maybe 90 — or even 100. There's no way I could run this business without her. When you have someone who supports your idea, your risk, and your passion day in and day out for 15 years, someone who's there 24 hours a day: I have no words."

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Hi, I'm: Jackie Cross. He's: Tom Douglas.

Our business: Tom Douglas Restaurants/Tom Douglas Catering and Events

Cupid strikes: Summer 1981. Tom was employed at Café Sport, running the juice bar before gaining national attention as the restaurant's hotshot chef. Jackie was working up the block at Pike & Western Wine Merchants. Today the former Café Sport is part of their restaurant empire: We know it as Etta's Seafood.

Who ya gonna call?: Hostess sick at the Dahlia Lounge? Need a wine list for Lola or Serious Pie? A numbers-cruncher for the Paramount and Moore theater concessions? Short a waitress at the Palace Ballroom? A Bite of Seattle schlepper? A Taste of the Nation plater-upper? With umpteen things going on at Tom Douglas Central, having a Jackie-of-all trades is a plus.

Celebra-husband: "He can go in front of the TV, on the radio and not bat an eyelash. I'd get completely tongue-tied and fall over my feet, but he's just great with people, always so calm. It takes that personality to help create the kind of success that we have. And I'm glad we have somebody in the partnership who can do that."

But don't Cross her: "We're both kind of strong willed and bull-headed and that's difficult when either of us don't get our way. But we usually get out peacefully, without too much blood. Tom's so creative it's impossible to keep up — he spouts a million ideas a day. He's so full of them it wears me out sometimes. It's like, 'OK, enough!' "

Tom, on Jackie: "When we first started [with the Dahlia Lounge], she was working every shift in the front of the house, and I was working every shift in the back. Back then, when we were struggling, it was tough having your spouse at work. You can't pay your bills, things aren't going the way you planned, and it's hard. It's a macho thing. Now, we've established more and different roles. We've worked through the hard times and enjoyed the good times. What a ride!"

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Hi, I'm: Jonathan Zimmer. She's: Lisa Dupar.

Our business: Lisa Dupar Catering/Pomegranate Bistro.

That was then, this is now: In the mid-'80s, Lisa Dupar began to make a name for herself as the go-to catering queen. In 1993 she hired a chef who'd become her husband and business partner. "We changed roles four years ago," he explains. "She'd been running the company, and I was executive chef. She was tired of it, we talked about it, I said I'd run it. We promoted my assistant to executive chef, and we've grown over three times the size since I took over." Dupar's title today is CCO: chief creative officer.

Aye, aye, Captain: Zimmer says, "I run the whole ship. Catering is our main business, and we have four departments with 90 full-time people and 200 on-call or part-time. I manage all of the managers of all of the departments. The restaurant has its own manager, and I still keep my hand in the creative part of the food development."

Communications 101: "Communication is by far the hardest part of working together. You think you said something, then you realize you didn't. If you don't have peace at work, you don't have peace at home."

Don't call me Mr. Dupar: "I had to switch a couple of years ago from saying 'I'm Lisa's husband,' to saying 'Lisa is my wife.' I'd been doing a lot of the work here, but all of the credit was given to her because the business was in her name. That could be threatening if we didn't have a great relationship, if I didn't feel like we were building something together for us and for our family."

Lisa, on Jonathan: "I really admire his ability to see the big picture, and he is amazing at creating systems for efficiency. He has an extremely high drive and is always wanting to tackle more. I'm good at the small details. We're opposites in many ways, but I think this is why it works. My strengths are his weaknesses and vice versa."

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Hi, I'm: Nicole Wilson. He's: Jason Wilson.

Our business: Crush.

Stars in their eyes: When they met in 2000, Jason was the young star-chef at Stars, she was the property manager at his apartment complex. She wanted a ticket to a sold-out Oscar Night event at the restaurant. He got her in through the "Goodfellows entrance" — the kitchen's back door. "Later that night I told a mutual friend I had a crush on him." Turns out the feeling was mutual. Five years later, they opened Crush.

And baby makes three: Last week, four months after their son, Ferrin, was born, Nicole went back to work full-time at the restaurant — open two years today. She hires and trains front-of-the-house staff, handles PR and customer relations, handles accounting and data input, contacts vendors, picks up liquor for the bar and isn't above washing dishes if the dishwasher no-shows.

Bank of Nicole: "I'm the boss when it comes to finances. He's the boss when it comes to the kitchen. I don't ever step on his toes, but he has certain boundaries he has to stay in. I say, 'This is how much money you have to spend,' and it makes his life a little easier."

What am I, chopped foie gras? "When we opened Crush people saw me as 'the hostess.' It's amazing how customers treat the hostess versus the owner or manager. Even today, if they get upset about something, they take it out on me. But, if Jason comes out to deal with it, they like that much better."

Jason, on Nicole: She's the one who pushed me into having the restaurant in the first place. She created the design, found the space. She's the driving force, the one who says, 'Here's what you can do, and here's what you can't.' I'm the one who's always throwing wacky ideas at her."

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Hi, I'm: Michelle Quisenberry. He's: Don Curtiss.

Our business : Volterra

Equal opportunity employer: In her life-before-Volterra, Michelle was a financial consultant with high-profile clients like Vulcan. Today she "takes meetings" with her husband. "We sit down together and throw out ideas. That's how we started the restaurant: brainstorming, having lunch and taking notes, and we still do that. We collaborate on pretty much everything we do — from our Valentine's menu to our cooking classes. We have a similar business mind, so we rarely have disagreements on vision or direction."

It's my party : The front of the house is her domain. Michelle hires and oversees the staff and greets patrons. "I like knowing all my customers and their quirks, their likes and dislikes. It's kind of like being the host of a dinner party every night." She also helps promote her company's product line — which includes Volterra-branded olive oil and spices, like the Fennel Salt that landed in swag bags given out to Oscar contenders and the cast of "Desperate Housewives."

Work, work, work: "Our lives revolve around the restaurant, and we don't spend much time just being together. We end up talking about work 90 percent of the time. We'll say, 'OK, we're taking the night off' — and then we still talk about the restaurant."

Don, on Michelle: "I feel really lucky to be working with someone of her caliber — she's a very creative, high-level person. And not coming from a restaurant background, she always has a different outlook on everything. She's a breath of fresh air."

Share your news or restaurant tips with Nancy Leson: 206-464-8838 or nleson@seattletimes.com.

Hear Nancy's food and restaurant commentaries on KPLU (88.5 FM) every Wednesday at 5:30 and 7:30 a.m. and 4:44 p.m., and on the following Saturday at 8:30 a.m.

More columns are available at seattletimes.com/nancyleson