We figured he would be out on a comebacker

Jim Eriotes, 83, became the oldest man to play in a pro baseball game. (CORY MYERS / AP)

Chalk one up for the Boys of Gummer.

Jim Eriotes, 83, became the oldest player to appear in a professional baseball game when he struck out in his only plate appearance for the Class AA Sioux Falls (S.D.) Canaries in their 5-3 win over the St. Joe (Mo.) Blacksnakes on Tuesday. Eriotes fouled off a two-strike pitch and missed on three other swings.

"[Against] guys my age, it's no challenge," the one-time minor-leaguer told The Associated Press. "They're throwing like, what, 40, 50 mph? I'd rather hit pitches that are 90 mph and feel good about myself. ... If I got a couple more at-bats, I'd get a hit. Easy."

Or maybe an intentional walker.

Bumper cars

NASCAR driver Matt Kenseth was the victim of some unexpected draft-bumping on Monday — while stopped at a light en route to Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

"[Teammate Greg Biffle] always runs into me, so I thought it was him joking," Kenseth said in a NASCAR news release. "It wasn't. It was a student driver and instructor, just pile-drove into the back of me. That was exciting."

The teen driver was let off with a warning and a contract offer to drive a stock car next year.

Step aside, Barbie

Just in time for that hard-to-please soccer fan on your holiday gift list: the Zinedine Zidane Bobblehead-Butt Doll.

Bad track record

James Hogue, who swiped a child's identity to run for the Palo Alto (Calif.) High School track team at age 26 in 1985, is back in trouble again — this time sitting in Colorado's San Miguel County jail, awaiting trial on felony theft and burglary charges.

Summing up his life of deception, Hogue told "Real Sports" on HBO: "Well, I'm a bad person, but I'm not very good at it. Let's put it that way."

Hey, bettor, bettor

With rumors rampant that BALCO Barry Bonds is about to be indicted on perjury and tax-evasion charges, inquiring minds need to know: Will he be cleared, or is he about to get creamed?

Talking the talk

• Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel, on Reedy Rip'It, the giant frog mascot of the minor-league Greenville Drive, being charged with groping a female fan: "This is one frog that may someday turn into a princely sum."

• From the Baltimore Sun's Flip Side column, on world champion Rick "Pellet Gun" Krause celebrating his wedding anniversary at the International Cherry Pit Spitting Contest in Eau Claire, Mich. — the site of his wedding 10 years ago: "Mr. Flip can just imagine what took the place of the traditional rice throwing."

• NBC's Jay Leno, on the next Johnny Depp movie plot: "A baseball team that can't win: 'The Pittsburgh Pirates of the Caribbean.' "

• Paul Katcher of sportsbybrooks.com, on the Mascot Home Run Derby at this year's All-Star FanFest: "This had everything one could hope for in a home-run event: kid-like exuberance, corked bats, puffed chests, huge heads ... Man, I miss Sammy Sosa."

Sergeant BALCO

Commissioner Bud Selig declared this week that baseball has its steroid problem under control. At least he can't get a big head over it.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com