Actor relates saga of his tiny son's fight for life

"A memoir about a guy whose infant sons were born four months early? I can't think of a story I'd rather read less."

That is B.D. Wong talking, but don't take him literally. Because Wong, a noted actor (he's a regular on TV's "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"), is the proud author of "Following Foo: (the electronic adventures of the Chestnut Man)" (HarperEntertainment, $24.95).

And guess what? It's a zanily humorous, harrowing, ultimately upbeat tome, conveying in graphic emotional and medical detail the saga he and his life partner, talent agent Richie Jackson, underwent as they became fathers of premature twins via a surrogate mother.

The twins were born 11 weeks early in May 2000. Boaz Dov Wong weighed just 2 pounds, 5 ounces and died quickly. But sibling Jackson Foo Wong (nicknamed "Chestnut Man"), was 8 ounces heftier. After three months in critical care fighting pneumonia and other scary ailments, he prevailed.

In Seattle this week on a book tour, Wong stated firmly he doesn't want "Following Foo" wedged into any pre-existing category. Not the "gay parenting" slot ("I actually hate that term, because it implies we're a different animal than any other parents"). Or the usual Hollywood-actor-memoir genre.

Wong — a slender, outgoing man in his early 40s, clad in dark pants and a bright aqua shirt — had a point. Unconventional in format, "Following Foo" is built around the engrossing e-mails Wong sent out chronicling the death of one tiny son and struggles of the other, and the supportive e-mails fired back by friends, family and colleagues.

His story doesn't unfold chronologically: Not until page 234 do you learn how the twins were conceived. (Wong provided the sperm, one of Richie Jackson's sisters donated the eggs, and a California woman carried the babies.)

Wong also uses multiple typefaces, lists, poems, scripted dialogue and inside-a-baby's-mind musings to tell his tale. But the e-mails are the book's core.

"Something incredibly positive happened out of all this e-mailing to my nearest and dearest — and not so nearest and dearest," he explained. "Friends added friends to the list, which had up to 1,000 people on it! This thing took on a life of its own, and became such a profound event for so many."

A Tony Award winner for his gender-bending work in Broadway's "M. Butterfly," Wong is a native San Franciscan with comic flair and dramatic chops, a versatile veteran of films ("Jurassic Park"), TV ("Oz") and plays. He's also an Asian-American activist and an out-front gay man in a long-term relationship.

"Following Foo" suggests that Wong's entire Chinese-American clan (including his brother Brian D. Wong, a Seattle hospital consultant), and everyone he met during Jackson's early ordeal was totally accepting of his decision to become a parent.

Wong insists, "It's not that big a deal, being a gay man and doing this. Richie and I carry ourselves in a way that doesn't apologize for who we are. I think I'm a sensitive person, and I tend to bond with people by just being myself."

He bonded a lot with the doctors, nurses and other health workers who shared his grief over Boaz's death and toiled to keep Jackson alive.

"I was very, very in awe of what they do. I deferred to them, I trusted them. They are intimately invested in your child, and the future of your family. They don't get enough strokes, and I wanted to compensate for that in some way."

A self-described "control freak," Wong also sees his book as a way to share self-discoveries he made as an anxious new dad.

If there's a new-agey ring to his sentiments, they also seem utterly sincere. "I learned to let go, to see everything in life as a blessing," he affirms. "We spend a lot of time trying to avert or deny difficult things. Now I think, 'Bring it on! Whatever happens, something good will come of it.' "

And Jackson? He's a healthy, active 3-year-old living with his doting dads in New York. "He's retained a lot of the qualities we saw in him in the hospital early on — resilience, strength, unflappability," noted Wong fondly. "He wakes up with a big smile on his face like he's happy to be here." On summer hiatus from playing psychiatrist George Huang on "Law & Order: SVU," Wong is turning "Following Foo" into a screenplay and concocting other writing projects.

"Doing this book was extremely liberating," he said. "It was the first time everything was up to me creatively. Now that I'm writing, I can't wait to see where it takes me."

Misha Berson:mberson@seattletimes.com