Big Brothers, Sisters reach kids in need of friends and mentors

Evan Miller doesn't just have a spotter for his circuit weights, he has a personal trainer of life. The 14-year-old works out, gets dinner or simply hangs out regularly with 32-year-old Heath Haynes.

The pair were matched four years ago as part of the program of Big Brothers Big Sisters of King and Pierce counties. Since then, they have gone from strangers to friends.

"He's like a big brother," said Evan, a ninth-grader at Northshore Junior High in Bothell. "But a little bit nicer."

Founded in New York in 1904, Big Brothers was established in King County in 1957, and Big Sisters was established in 1974. The two groups — which pair children ages 7 through 16 with adult confidants — merged and expanded to Pierce County in 1999.

The agency matches about 1,350 pairs annually in its community- and school-based programs and has a waiting list of about 400 boys and 125 girls. It may benefit from this year's Seattle Times Fund for the Needy.

If contributions, which go to 12 other agencies, surpass $535,000, The Seattle Times will donate funds to Big Brothers as well as to the YMCA of Greater Seattle. The fund has raised about $530,000 to date.

When Evan's parents divorced in 1996, he and his two brothers had to face the reality of a one-parent household.

"It was a tough transition," said Evan's mother, Lisa Foisie, 46. "These guys really needed a male influence in their lives that was steady and they could count on."

Foisie signed her sons up for Big Brothers, which matches a young person with an adult for at least a year with the goal of creating a long-term relationship. Besides meeting the age requirement, the younger members can't have criminal histories to be accepted into the program, said Juergen Kneifel, the agency's director of marketing and recruitment.

Older participants must pass criminal-background and reference checks to be accepted into the program.

"The guys are like the best part of a dad, the best part of an uncle and the best part of a buddy all rolled into one," Foisie said. "They don't have to discipline but they set good boundaries and expectations so the kids can grow and know what's expected of them later in life."

Evan's match — a 64-year-old man — died unexpectedly six months later. Although a difficult situation, Foisie used it as an opportunity to discuss death, and Evan learned a tough life lesson, she said.

He was paired soon after with Haynes, who also lives in Bothell.

Haynes, a project manager at T-Mobile in Bellevue, decided to become a "big brother" because he feels he missed out by not seeing his father on a daily basis after his own parents divorced.

With Evan, Haynes has eaten a lot of ice cream, gone to Sonics basketball games and watched movies. He's taken Evan shopping so he could buy Christmas presents for his mother.

One time, both Haynes and Evan had sore arms after a game of "slug bug" went awry because of an unforeseen Volkswagen convention at Marymoor Park.

And another time, Haynes woke up at 2 a.m. to find Evan raiding his pantry for candy during a sleepover. While Big Brothers asks for at least a one-year commitment, matches average three years and many last longer.

"Originally you think, 'I want to do this for a few years,' " Haynes said. "But once you get in it, it's a relationship."

And their relationship goes beyond fun.

When Evan was 8, he fell off his bike, hit his head and went into a coma. Although his language skills and coordination were affected, his family thought he was developing normally. But a year ago, he began having trouble in school and his athletic abilities seemed to be regressing, his mother said.

During another round of neurological testing and meetings at Evan's school and with his doctors, Haynes was there. "He's an incredible advocate for Evan," said Foisie.

Evan recently told Haynes he wanted a washboard stomach.

"He's 14 now. He's into girls. So he's a lot more motivated to get in shape and look good," said Haynes. "So I told him he needs to eat less and work out more."

Haynes showed Evan how to use the circuit weights at Northshore YMCA and told him about the nutritional food pyramid.

"I cannot teach these guys how to be men. They bring a completely different set of skills to the table that I don't have," Foisie said.

Gina Kim: 206-464-2761 or gkim@seattletimes.com.