Injured minister takes painful road to forgiveness
He publicly forgave them, preached a sermon on forgiveness at his Bellevue church the very next Sunday and even started a 10-week study series on the topic.
Today, the teenagers face sentences of up to 36 weeks each in juvenile detention for second-degree assault. In convicting the pair, a King County District Court judge concluded that the driver, a girl who has since turned 18, slowly steered her car alongside Tinney, who was cycling about 30 mph downhill. A 17-year-old boy leaned out the passenger window and pushed Tinney, sending him over the handlebars onto the pavement.
Today in court, Tinney will wear a titanium-steel cross, fashioned by his son from the screws, pins and wires that until recently held his right elbow in place.
He calls it "a cross of forgiveness," a reminder that good can come out of bad and a reminder of his struggle, not only with his injuries, but with what forgiveness really means. And how difficult it can be.
"One of my great loves and ways of seeking renewal has been taken away," says Tinney, 52, of his passion for cycling. "I don't know if I can trust being out on the road again. There is still a huge fear.
"That is really hard to get over."
For a pastor, biblical imperatives are one thing. But Tinney is also a large, active, determined man. One who does not like being fussed over, says his wife, Carol.
Training for long ride
He was training for the Seattle-to-Portland bicycle ride when he was pushed. Now his right arm can't handle the stick shift in a car, he can't even lift a camera up to eye level. Tinney's doctors say he'll never be able to fully rotate his right palm downward again.
Tinney endures intense, twice-weekly physical-therapy sessions. He has had to relearn simple tasks.
"One of the real early victories was just getting him to eat," Carol Tinney recalls. "He held his spoon like a club."
An easy response to the attack is anger, David Tinney admits. He is angry that the teens violated his personal space and angry that the injuries have taken such a physical toll. He is especially angry when he remembers the teens laughing as they drove away.
The recent trial, complicated by long delays and inconsistent statements from witnesses, made Tinney feel that anger all over again.
"There can be good use for anger," Tinney says. "Anger can point us to seeking justice. It's when anger turns into bitterness that it crosses the line."
Finding room for forgiveness, then, has been a cautious, conscious effort, Tinney says. He has meditated and prayed. He has read numerous books on forgiveness. And he has crafted a five-step formula to deal with his anger, something he refers to as "the poison."
The first step, he says, was making a commitment to begin forgiving. The second step was to stop imagining the two teenagers in negative ways.
"Stop wanting to retaliate, stop blaming, stop that mental tape that says, 'I wish I would have done this to the kid,' the bitter thoughts," Tinney says.
The third step was separating the person from the act.
"You can still be angry with the act, still seek justice for the crime, but separate the person so the person isn't associated with the deed," Tinney says.
The fourth was seeking understanding about why the teens did what they did. And the final step, he says, was simply surrendering the matter, which, in his case, meant giving it over to God.
"A lot of healing needs divine help; we can't do it ourselves," Tinney says. "I just have to say, 'I'm not going to worry about this one any longer.' "
Tinney reminds himself to come back to these five steps over and over. The anger can surface at any time.
Key discovery
One of the important discoveries, Tinney says, is that forgiveness can happen regardless of what the person being forgiven says or does.
For example, Tinney has not yet been able to talk to the teenagers about the assault. He doesn't think they understand how the event has changed his life.
"I never felt like that point has been made," Tinney says. "It's still an inconvenience for them, rather than a real damage to my body, my family, my future."
The teenagers will get a chance to speak publicly today before the sentencing. The Seattle Times is not naming them because they were tried as juveniles.
The attack has forced Tinney and his congregation at Aldersgate United Methodist Church to think about why forgiveness is so important, or even necessary.
"It's a weight"
"Every time we hold in unforgiveness, anger, hate, we drag it around wherever we go," Tinney concludes. "It's a weight, we're never loose. They're in meetings, our family, our home. We waste so much of our energy dragging it around.
"I started going through the Bible after the accident, and I was astonished at the need for us to forgive. It is part of the process of becoming whole and well."
He realizes, however, that he is not entirely there yet. Recently, he was shopping when someone came up to him from behind and tapped his side.
"I just jumped," Tinney says. "It was like I was revisiting the incident. I relived the whole thing, the whole fear."
Then he remembers the titanium-steel cross. He reminds himself that his church is more grace-filled than it was before his injuries, and he counts the many displays of faithfulness and wisdom from friends, family and strangers.
Besides, Tinney says, he understands pain now.
Michael Ko: 206-515-5653 or mko@seattletimes.com.