Kay In L.A.: FOX For Fall - The Naked Truth

A quick show of hands, please: How many of you had mothers or fathers who walked around the house semi-naked when you were a child?

When Fox rolled in with its fall presentation for critics this week, that was the question on everyone's mind - along with equally tough inquiries about shaving back hair, bleeped expletives and (of course!) puking.

And they say people who watch TV professionally don't have lives.

Those who are fans of the network known for ruffling feathers will be pleased to know Fox is up to its old tricks. Those who believe youngsters crouch before TV sets and take notes on how to be bad will discover a pernicious lineup.

In Pasadena, questions about language bleeps, coarse behavior and sexual suggestiveness gathered thickly, settling on one of Fox's most promising new shows, "Action."

Set in the jungle where Hollywood crosses Vine, it's the life and times of semi-venal film producer Peter Dragon (Jay Mohr), who meets up with child star-turned-hooker Wendy Ward (Illeana Douglas) in the pilot episode.

Actually, he's opened the door of his limousine to retch when she solicits him.

"I'm going to throw up," says Peter. To which Wendy replies, "I don't think I have a rate for that."

As you can tell, "Action" isn't "Pretty Woman" - to which we can say, hurrah. It's a dead-on satire of lost souls in the entertainment biz, with enough boldness to qualify for cable viewing.

Yet even "Action" didn't draw a full house of querulous concerns the way one family comedy did.

"Malcolm in the Middle," about a 9-year-old kid reluctantly thrust into the role of genius, is wacky, warm and smart. The show has a real find in star Frankie Muniz.

"Malcolm" also opens with Mom (Jane Kaczmarek) shaving Dad's (Bryan Cranston) back hair in the kitchen while their three sons eat breakfast. Fur flies; kids cringe, Dad, who has a newspaper opened in front of him, may or may not be naked.

But there's no question about the semi-nude state of Mom in a later scene where she frantically gets ready for work while the boys watch TV before heading off to school.

In and out of the kitchen she goes, resembling something by Michelangelo - if he had sculpted her wearing a skirt, hose, shoes and nothing on top except a stack of folded laundry.

This scene led to one of the press tour's most peculiar moments. As some reporters expressed astonishment at the notion of a mother walking around that way, various members of the Fox entourage came forward to share youthful recollections of similar incidents.

Eventually, even critics got into the act. I will say only that my resolutions about underwear were forged in the daily crossfire between Mom and Playtex.

Not all of Fox's audacity will prove rewarding or incendiary.

"Harsh Realm," based on the comic book, may disappoint Chris Carter fans (and cause at least one to demand the return of "Millennium.") Although there's been buzz over the violence in this drama about a soldier trapped in a virtual-reality war game, the real problems are stale concept and dialogue.

"Manchester Prep," based on the film "Cruel Intentions," misses the mark and ends up creepy rather than campy. Perhaps it's an error in tone or maybe one can't depict 16-year-olds acting the way adults did on "Melrose Place."

More predictable than provocative was "The Badland," a drama which doesn't do much with its story line about the life of a 19-year-old rookie police officer in Philadelphia. Maybe the cop genre should be left alone for a while.

The Jennifer Love Hewitt vehicle called "Time of Your Life" is being retooled, but the presentation was vaguely familiar: Sarah leaves Bailey and "Party of Five" to go to New York. She meets a bunch of cool new Friends, uh, friends.

Finally, there's the teen-centered family drama "Get Real," which fails to distinguish itself from the herd of like-minded shows this fall.

Self-conscious and smirky, "Get Real" is a case study in the perils of having characters talk directly to the camera. "We're not `Dawson's Creek,' " says the daughter in a smug put-down of one of television's best dramas.

No, you're not. Get real.