When Johnny Can't Play, Parents Can Get Coaches Fired

PORTLAND - Last winter, Grant High School boys basketball coach John Stilwell was approached on the court by a parent during a game.

"And he wasn't talking to me, he was yelling," Stilwell said. "Calling me a stupid jerk for not playing his son."

It was a confrontation that has become commonplace in high-school sports. Parents who were formerly cheerleaders in the stands have been replaced by parents who are ringleaders in running a coach out of a job.

Stilwell resigned after the season, and other coaches have followed, citing problems with parents.

Barry Adams, South Salem High boys basketball coach, who in 39 years has become Oregon's winningest coach, said more could be on the way out.

"It has gotten out of hand," he said. "The stories are horrendous about parents, much worse than they ever have been. Parents can be so nasty about things, and a lot of school administrators are afraid to take a stand."

The coaches say high-school sports are about learning life's lessons and having fun, but more and more parents say they are about earning a college scholarship and the Friday night glory.

And outside forces are blurring the distinction between coach and parent. Budget-cutting school systems are asking parents for financial and volunteer support.

"We ask parents to spend time and money, and when they do, they think they have a say in it," said Mike Coulson, Lakeridge High athletic director and football coach. "They expect to see some sort of payback."

And there are personal instructors and summer camps accepting money from parents while telling their sons or daughters they have scholarship potential.

"There are a lot of peripheral people out there who seem to be the authority," Stilwell said, "people who are making money off the kids and parents, telling them what they want to hear."

Coaches say it has created a climate in which parent criticism, pressure, and sometimes violence, have overtaken high school sports.

In the fall of 1996, a parent of a Westview High junior varsity football player punched the school's principal after the principal blocked the parent's path to the football coach during a game. The parent was convicted of assault.

At Molalla High, two football coaches were fired after parents complained that more defensive points were awarded to the coach's son than to their son, thus allowing the coach's son to earn all-league honorable mention.

And there's more: Parents entering a dugout to berate a baseball coach, parents distributing fliers on windshields and in school halls calling for a football coach's ouster, a coach with two state trophies resigning after parents meet with administrators.

It is so bad at Lakeridge baseball games that Pacers coach Dave Gasser is afraid to have his parents watch him from the stands.

"The environment has gotten so toxic, you almost have to be a masochist to stay in it," said Gasser, who has coached for 24 years.

Across the state, many coaches say they are considering quitting - or have quit - because of parents.

"The things happening in our profession are concerning," said Terry Gregg, former North Medford High boys basketball coach. "I know coaches in Washington and Oregon who are some of the best coaches and teachers around, and they are getting out because of parent conflicts.

"It's a sad time."

The complaints used to be about playing time.

But in today's economic climate, where college tuition can run $40,000 and kids are signing multimillion-dollar basketball contracts out of high school, the complaints have gone one step further.

"I had a parent call me up late at night and ask me how his son was supposed to get a scholarship with the way he was playing," said Don Emry, Benson High boys basketball coach. "Like I was supposed to do something about it, when really, the reason he probably wasn't playing well was because of the pressure put on him to get a scholarship."

The chance of an athlete earning a scholarship is remote. In Oregon, there are 280 schools that play boys basketball; figuring an average of 12 players per team, that means 3,360 boys are eligible for scholarships. This year, six Oregon boys received Division I scholarships. And an average year is closer to four Division I scholarships.

"To me, it's like hitting the lottery, it's like a 1-in-80-million chance, but parents can't seem to see that," Emry said. "Everybody thinks their kid is a star, and more and more parents see it as the whole family can be made wealthy overnight."

Dennis Murphy, South Medford High boys basketball coach, said parents' perceptions create a growing problem.

"The amount of scholarships that kids receive is blown out of proportion," he said. "Even so, I don't feel my job as a basketball coach or educator is to provide a training ground for kids to earn scholarships, but these parents do."

Of course, more often than not, an athlete is not recruited, and the coaches say the parents blame them.

"It seems like in our society, people don't want to accept responsibility," Emry said. "It's the willingness to point the finger at the other guy."

Some coaches have taken steps to address the problems.

Murphy, who is also the athletic director at South Medford, had such a miserable experience last season with some parents of his team that he devised a program.

All coaches at South Medford now meet with parents before the season. A code of conduct for parents, which includes the understanding that coaches will not discuss playing time, must be read and signed by each parent. Also, a brochure details how a parent should address a problem with a coach, specifically stating that a coach should not be approached before or after a game.

The approach was a success. The parents who were a problem the year before were still there, Murphy said, but they were no longer a problem. In fact, Murphy said he has spoken to only two parents all year.

"We are trying to be up front, saying here's our expectations not only for the kids but for yourself as parents," Murphy said. "Parents need to be in a supportive role, and we expect them to be a good role model for their sons and daughters."