Something Fishy About Shaq's Return

Many of the fans in Orlando who once worshiped Shaquille O'Neal hoisted protest signs and banners as the $120 million free-agent defector returned to play in the Florida city for the first time with the Los Angeles Lakers.

Many signs made allusions to O'Neal's recent description of his four years in Orlando as "a big fish in a small, dried-up pond."

A representative cross-section:

"Welcome Back to the Dried-Up Pond You Big Blowfish"

"Big Pond or Little Pond, A Big Fish Really Stinks"

"Big Fish Make Great Sushi"

"Shaq is Pond Scum"

"Benedict O'Neal"

"Shaq Go Baq!"

And, in reference to O'Neal's acting career in Tinseltown:

"Shaq: We're the two that saw your movies!"

DON'T BE CRUEL

When O'Neal stepped on the Orlando court for the first time 15 minutes before tipoff Sunday, The B-52's "Love Shack" was played on the arena sound system, followed by Randy Newman's "I Love L.A."

Later, the musical selections became a little more judgmental: "You're So Vain" (Carly Simon), "You're No Good" (Linda Ronstadt), "Lies, Lies, Lies" (Thompson Twins), "Would I Lie to You?" (The Eurythmics), "Money Changes Everything" (Cyndi Lauper) and "I'm a Loser" (The Beatles).

IF IT WALKS LIKE A DUCK . . .

Orlando fans found sweet justice in guard Nick Anderson's game-winning three-pointer with 7.1 seconds remaining as the Magic won 96-94.

Anderson later said he didn't want to heat up the running feud he has had with O'Neal ever since the big center's departure, but he conceded that the wobbling, head-bobbing duck walk he executed after his big shot was an attempt to mimic O'Neal's strut.

"Maybe I don't have the turkey neck good enough, but I tried it," Anderson said.

HE SAID IT

-- Coach Pierre Page, Anaheim Mighty Ducks, on Buffalo Sabre goaltender Dominik Hasek, star of the Olympic champion Czech Republic team: "He's like having three Randy Johnsons on one baseball team."

THEY WROTE IT

-- Jim Armstrong, Denver Post: "It's all a conspiracy. The Olympics actually ended two weeks ago, but CBS doesn't want you to know."

-- Bumper sticker sighted after Tennessee's top-ranked women's basketball team (30-0) defeated Louisiana State 90-58 Sunday before a crowd of 22,694: "In Tennessee, men are just men. Women are champions."

Compiled by Chuck Ashmun, The Seattle Times