No More Prince Charmings -- Barbara Stanny Hopes To Open Women's Eyes With Her Riches-To-Rags Past

The moment that changed Barbara Stanny's life came one day at an ATM in San Francisco.

Stanny, the millionaire daughter of H&R Block co-founder Richard Block, didn't have enough money in her bank account to make a $60 withdrawal.

After years of denying she and her husband had any financial troubles, the realization fell on Stanny like an empty safe-deposit box: They were going broke. Most of the money in a trust fund Stanny inherited from her father was lost on investments that went sour.

Married at the time to a stockbroker and financial planner, Stanny, 50, let her former husband handle the investments and kept herself in the dark about all things financial.

Like many women, Stanny said, she was taught to be dumb about money.

"The only advice my father gave me about money was, `Don't worry,' " she said. "Under his words was the unspoken assumption that there would always be a man to take care of me."

She didn't even know the details of the trust fund given to her at age 21.

"I didn't know what I had; I didn't know where it was," Stanny recalled.

What Stanny didn't know hurt her badly.

But from that crushing experience starting at the automated teller matchine came the inspiration for Stanny's personal transformation, culminating in a new book titled "Prince Charming Isn't Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money" (Viking, $23.95).

The book is a heart-to-heart talk about the psychological and

financial tools women need to take control of their economic destiny.

Stanny, who moved to Port Townsend a year ago, joked during a recent interview in Seattle that her smartest decision was to get a divorce in 1986 after the embarrassing ATM incident.

But despite the personal heartaches and the dour book title, Stanny is somewhat sympathetic toward men.

In her view, when a woman gets smart about money, it not only liberates her from "the mantle of subjugation," it frees the man from the burden of managing another person's finances.

"Prince Charming" is a metaphor for any person - male or female - or thing believed to bring financial security, she said.

In that sense, many of Stanny's recommendations stretch across gender lines.

It is, however, a book written to strike chords with women, especially those who find themselves left to manage financial affairs after a divorce or the death of a loved one.

American women tend to outlive men, she notes, citing a Working Woman magazine finding that 80 percent of widows now living in poverty were not poor when their husbands were alive.

When a marriage breaks up, studies show the woman's net worth drops an average 43 percent while the man's goes up an average 23 percent, she writes.

For a woman who has been taught to leave money matters to others, either scenario can be terrifying, Stanny said.

Many women feel ashamed of their ignorance about money, and alienated. To educate themselves, on the other hand, may mean taking a different risk - alienating men.

"Nice girls don't talk about money," Stanny said, summing up the misguided belief she hopes to dispel.

"Many women have told me men wouldn't love them, men wouldn't be attracted to them if they knew about money," she said.

First, Stanny explains in the book, women have to give up a dangerous notion instilled in childhood and embraced in adulthood.

"Dispelling the myth that someday our prince will come is the most important decision we will ever make," she writes.

It took Stanny more than a decade to reach that point.

After her divorce, she found herself stuck with more than $1 million in unexpected taxes for investments made while she was married.

Although good attorneys helped her reduce the tax bills, understanding money matters was her own challenge.

There was a time when Stanny wouldn't look at a copy of The Wall Street Journal, let alone read it.

"I was a real moron when it came to money," she said. "My eyes would glaze over."

Today she can be seen carrying around the latest Worth magazine or Journal as she travels the country signing copies of her book, doing radio call-in shows and lecturing on the importance of knowing the basics of personal finance.

In interviews, she speaks with the warmth of a friend and the earnestness of a crusader about the evils of credit cards and the benefits of saving just a little money from each paycheck to put toward investments.

Although Stanny has worked as a business columnist in San Francisco, she doesn't pretend to be a financial professional.

She thinks of herself as a motivational speaker, a cheerleader for women who believe they can never make sense of financial matters.

Stanny set out two years ago with the simple mission of compiling a book of practical financial advice. She interviewed 100 women who were successful at personal finance and used their stories as the backdrop for discussions on money matters in "Prince Charming Isn't Coming."

Stanny derived from the women's experiences six traits of a financially smart woman: She is self-reliant, well-informed, aware of internal barriers and gifts, not intimidated by the mystique surrounding money, willing to take risks to reap long-term financial rewards and willing to seek guidance and moral support from others.

It sounds simple. Stanny contends it really is.

She recommends learning the vocabulary - knowing the difference, for instance, between stocks and bonds, cash and cash equivalents. Talking with money experts and forming investment clubs also helps make finance less intimidating.

Finance is not the stuff of geniuses alone, she argues. With time and effort, anyone can turn confusion about finance into comprehension.

She points out that her book applies as much to low-income women as women of means, and it's important for each to start building on the assets they already possess.

You don't have to be flush with cash in the beginning, she said, just wise with it. "It's what you do with what you have that creates wealth."

As for Stanny, she said she is far less well-off than she was at age 21.

"But I am far more secure," she said. "I am comfortable, and I am confident."

Stanny's second husband, Cal Stanny, is a money manager.

No, he is not her financial Prince Charming, she's quick to say. They do occasionally compare notes.

Stanny has created a Web site containing a money quiz and links to other helpful sites at www.princequiz.com.

Tyrone Beason's phone message number is 206-464-2251. His e-mail address is: tbea-new@seatimes.com ------------------------------------------- Stanny's advice: -- Each day, read something about finances. -- Each week, have at least one conversation with someone who knows more about money than you do. -- Every month, transfer money from checking to savings, where you are less inclined to withdraw it.