Caution: Beware Of Flying Punchlines

Reporters attending a press conference to hype tomorrow night's heavyweight fight between Riddick Bowe and Buster Mathis Jr. in Atlantic City, N.J., said it sounded like a malaprop showdown between Norm Crosby and Ralph Kiner.

Eddie Futch, Bowe's 83-year-old trainer, got the proceedings off to a rollicking start by describing water therapy Bowe had undergone to alleviate an aching back.

"He went in the tank," said Futch, using a phrase that generally describes a boxer who quits or gives something less than his best effort.

"I guess I'd better watch my terminology," Futch said, smiling. "What I meant to say is that Bowe did his road work for this fight on a treadmill, underwater."

Bowe's manager, Rock Newman, fared no better as an elocutionist. First he referred to Mathis as "Buster Douglas," then he forgot to call Mathis to the microphone. In between, he mispronounced the name of Mathis's matchmaker, Bruce Kielty.

Brian Lee, Mathis' manager, said, "I want to thank Alfred E. Neuman for those kind remarks."

PLAYING THE NICKNAME GAME

New books out this summer include "Chris Names: An Illustrated Guide to Chris Berman's Unique Characterizations of Sports Personalities."

This quip-lipped broadcaster's compendium of silliness contains a wide sampling of the more than 600 nicknames Berman has dredged from his skewed mind since he began with ESPN in 1979.

The book divides the nicknames into 17 categories, such as Going Places (Dave "Death" Valle), International (Mike "Nova" Scioscia) and Historical (Roberto "Remember The" Alomar).

John Nelson of the Associated Press confesses to having read the book and says his favorite nickname therein is Chuck "New Kids on" Knoblauch.

AND THE NAME GAME

When Dave Otto of the Chicago Cubs and Robb Nen of the Florida Marlins pitched in the same game last week, it marked the first time in baseball history that two players with palindromic last names pitched in the same game.

A palindrome is a word that is spelled the same forward and backward.

According to research by the Marlin public relations staff, there have been six other palindromic players in the major leagues: Truck Hannah, Toby Harrah, Eddie Kazak, Johnny Reder, Mark Salas and Dick Nen (Robb's father).

LOOKING BACK

The late Red Smith, a columnist for the New York Times, once wrote, "If Bowie Kuhn were alive today, there would be no players' strike." Kuhn, at the time, was baseball's commissioner.

THEY SAID IT

-- John Madden, TV football analyst, on preparing for tonight's Fox network NFL debut: "The great thing about this is, like, yesterday. I went to the 49ers' practice, then I had lunch at the training table. You can't beat that. All you can eat. Then we watched some film and had dinner with the ballplayers. Then we came back here to the hotel at about 10. That's my perfect day. I'd rather do that than go to Disneyland."

-- Buck O'Neill, 82, a former player with the Negro League's Kansas City Monarchs and still a major-league scout: "Baseball's survived bad owners and greedy players before, and it will again. Baseball will always be a great game."

Compiled by Chuck Ashmun, Seattle Times