Lives Of Surviving Family Members `Changed Forever'

Every three or four days, a homicide occurs in King County: Sirens pierce the air, police investigate, the medical examiner's office retrieves the body and prosecutors prepare for a court case.

And for the friends, relatives and spouses who suffer through the tragedy, there's another chain of events: shock, denial, anger, depression.

The trauma is temporarily debilitating. Details of grisly homicide scenes haunt their dreams, grief disrupts work, sleep, life. For some, it takes years to get beyond the tragedy.

"I don't ever use the word `healing' because these people's lives are changed forever," said Shirley Murphy, a University of Washington professor whose study helps parents cope with the loss of their children.

In grief, the victims share a few common traits.

Firstly, people think of themselves as invulnerable; violent crime happens to someone else.

Secondly, some cannot accept the randomness of crime.

"If I lock my car, park under the light and walk with a purpose . . . and then, something happens - that doesn't make sense to me. I've done everything I'm supposed to do," said Cathy Wenderoth, who supervises the Seattle Police Department's victim-assistance section.

Victims with good self-esteem before a crime occurs blame themselves for not bouncing back quickly.

Grief-counseling has been around for a while. For the past decade, for example, Virginia Mason Medical Center has offered a special program for the bereaved. But as interpersonal violence became increasingly common, the legion of counselors grew and became more specialized.

Some intensely grief-stricken victims can cope only with the help of counseling and medication, said Dr. Ted Rynearson, who is conducting a state-funded project at the hospital involving 150 families severely affected by homicide.

"The traumatic aftermath really handicaps them," Rynearson said. "Even though they haven't witnessed the homicide, they go through a vivid replay of what the dying was like."