`Major League Ii' Makes The Same Pitch, But Why?

------------ MOVIE REVIEW ------------

XX "Major League II," with Charlie Sheen, Tom Berenger, Randy Quaid, Corbin Bernsen, Omar Epps. Directed by David S. Ward. Alderwood, Crossroads, Everett Mall, Factoria, Kent, Lewis & Clark, Mountlake 9, Oak Tree, SeaTac Mall, Snohomish, Totem Lake, Uptown. "PG" - Parental guidance suggested, mature humor.

Like the current "Mighty Ducks" sequel, this follow-up to 1989's hit baseball comedy "Major League" is an exercise in diminishing returns, once again illustrating the nonsense behind the executive mandate to "make it different, but exactly the same."

Granted, "Major League" was genuinely funny, if not exactly inspired, and it's been getting excellent mileage on cable TV.

That makes "Major League II" a welcome sequel at first glance, until you're reminded that "Major League" was self-contained, with no further story to tell, and any attempt to repeat the original's success must depend on a simple act of duplication. If you can have more fun by watching the original again - even for a third or fourth time - what's the point?

To be fair, there are some good belly laughs, and the same jokes told different ways are still funny. The major-league chuckles this time out come from Randy Quaid, reprising his uncredited role as the fair-weather fan who ceaselessly taunts the Cleveland Indians from his cheap seat. His obnoxious heckling is frequently inspired, and Quaid is hilarious as the kind of berserk baseball junkie who fancies himself the ultimate armchair manager. There's one in every stadium.

The rest is rehash, and "Major League II" spends most of its 100 minutes getting back to where "Major League" once belonged. By the time it's over it's virtually the same film, with Indians pitcher "Wild Thing" Vaughan (Charlie Sheen) back on the mound, hurling smoke after getting sidetracked by his sexy agent (Alison Doody) and her gold-digging exploitation of his career.

Third baseman Dorn (Corbin Bernsen) is now the team's temporary owner; catcher Jake Taylor (Tom Berenger) has bad knees, so he succeeds the team's ailing manager; Willie Mays Hayes (Omar Epps) has turned into an action-movie star during the off-season (ironic, since the original Willie, Wesley Snipes, was priced out of the sequel by similar success); and Cerrano (Dennis Haysbert) has turned from voodoo to Buddhism, making him a pacifist at the plate.

Among the few newcomers are a rookie catcher (Eric Bruskotter) who can't accurately throw back to the pitcher unless he recites text from Victoria's Secret catalogs, and a rival slugger (David Keith) whose villainy provokes some snappy comebacks in the batter's box. He's a long way from his promising start as the Oscar-winning writer of "The Sting," but director David S. Ward is clearly doing his best to make the familiar seem semi-fresh.

It's all amusing enough, from the drunken banter of game announcer Harry Doyle (Bob Uecker) to Berenger's slow burn as the Indians slide into the division cellar. But the symptoms of sequelitis are just too severe, and "Major League II" never recovers from the entropy of an illogically conceived plot - beginning with the unlikely notion that the champions of "Major League" can turn into complete losers in one season.