How Many Lawyers Do You Need To Fry Spam?

Times must be slow in lawyerland. How slow? So slow that local land-use attorneys have found time to worry about their level of sophistication.

The legal eagles have been faxing around a list titled "You might be considered a redneck if . . ." Here are a few of the telltale clues:

-- If you have ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

-- If you think beef jerky and moon pies are two of the major food groups.

-- If less than half the cars you own run.

-- If you have ever cooked your Spam on a barbecue.

-- If you dress the kids up to go to K mart.

-- If your diploma includes the words "Trucking Institute."

BEST GUESS: No money changed hands, but Seattle School District employees had a pool going to see who could come closest to guessing Oct. 1 enrollment.

Winner of bragging rights was Brenda Wielenga, a substitute secretary for management-information services, who guessed 44,750 pupils would enroll. (Actual number is 44,668.)

District demographer Les Kendrick missed. Last summer he estimated 40,050 kids would show up. District analyst George Sanders joked, "Next year we hire Wielenga as demographer."

THE FALLEN: Sue Jennings, leader of the Music Hall Theatre vigil, has left the cause. But not willingly. The preservationist is recuperating at University of Washington Hospital after suffering a heart attack.

CAMPAIGN TRAIL: Few are giving money to Seattle City Council member Sue Donaldson's campaign. The problem? With 81 percent of the primary vote, Donaldson looks invincible. One campaign staffer laments, "But we still have to pay for campaign basics."

Mayor Norm Rice will sponsor a Donaldson fund-raiser at the Mountaineers Club: 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. Tuesday. But the mayor may not linger. That same day, he's due to attend receptions for senatorial candidate Geraldine Ferraro (6-8 p.m. at the home of Jeanne Kohl and Alex Welles) and for Roe v. Wade attorney Sarah Weddington (5:30 p.m. at the Stouffer Madison).

KEEPING CLAM: Judges at Sunday's Puget Sound Chowder Off (a benefit for the Alzheimer's Association) worked their way through a blind tasting of 18 chowders Sunday. Obvious traditionalists, they ended up picking Ivar's clam chowder as the best. Runners-up were Shucker's and Clifford's. Peoples' Choice awards went to Cafe Pacific, the Brooklyn Cafe and Shucker's.

Seattle Mariners Manager Jim Lefebvre was among the judges, along with such notables as KOMO-TV anchor John Siegenthaler, restaurateur Victor Rosellini and basketball star Fred Brown. A hush fell over the crowd as Lefebvre explained why he was there, saying, "My own father has Alzheimer's."

NUMBER GAME: Former Gov. Dixy Lee Ray, speaking at a Forward Washington conference in Pasco, warned her audience against misuse of statistics.

The Tri-City Herald quoted the always quotable Ray as saying, "Beware of averages. The average person has one breast and one testicle."

Jean Godden's column appears Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the Northwest section of The Times. Her phone is 464-8300.