PENN-ING IT DOWN: He pouted. He sneered. He got into fights. But Sean Penn did a little soul-searching last year, and now knows why he's such an angry young man. ``It took a whole lot of daydreaming and thinking and working through all kinds of equations, but I've finally figured out what it is that I'm so (ticked) off at,'' the 30-year-old actor-turned-director told Fame magazine. ``The world is not perfect and it is not kind. You're born perfect and you're born kind, and then all the world's ---- comes down on you and it ruins everything. It's that simple.'' Penn and his ``State of Grace'' co-star, Robin Wright, are awaiting the birth of their first child, with a November wedding reportedly planned. Madonna? Don't ask.
LOWER THE BOONE: In a world of improbables, most improbable of all is the possibility of Pat Boone recording an easy-listening version of ``Me So Horny.'' ``I think they're criminals,'' he says of 2 Live Crew. Other Pat put-downs: Judas Priest and Guns 'N Roses: ``They've moved beyond depravity and degradation to inhumanity.'' Madonna: ``A talented tart.''
QUIET ON THE SET: Liv Ullman describes herself as the chief fringe benefit of her newest project, ``Sofie,'' a film that serves as her directorial debut. ``I will not tell the actors how they should play the part but support them and help them with their own interpretation,'' she purrs. ``I will be like their lover.''
WRAP IT UP: Christo is at it again. The artist, whose previous creative outbursts led him to wrap 11 Florida islands in Pepto-Bismol pink fabric and hang a giant curtain across Colorado's Rifle Gap, is saving up for a rainy day. His latest project, planned for next October, is to plant 20-foot-tall umbrellas along a 18-mile-long, 2 1/2-mile-wide path in Southern California's Tejon Pass. At the same time, 12 miles of umbrellas will go up in Ibaraki, Japan. The cost? $26 million. Hope Sen. Jesse Helms doesn't get wind of this.
THE ANSWER IS: Game-show host Alex Trebek offers a unique pitch for literacy: ``If you don't read, you're never going to be a `Jeopardy!' contestant.''
SERVING IT UP: A waitress at New York's TriBeCa Grill reports Geraldo misbehavior to Egg magazine: As she recited lunch specials to Geraldo Rivera, Cheech Marin and their wives, the waitress says she was interrupted by Geraldo, who commented, ``You know, you're very beautiful.'' Mrs. Geraldo gave him a glance that exceeded the heat intensity of an Exocet missile.
Seen, Heard, Said appears Sundays through Fridays in the Scene section of The Times.