Laimbeer At His Best When Act Is A Flop
Today: Game 4, Detroit at Portland, Channel 7 and KIRO radio (710 AM), 6:05 p.m.
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PORTLAND _ Bill Laimbeer sounded as believable as any assault victim. He told us he hurt all over. He said he was mugged by the Portland Trail Blazers in Sunday's Game Three. He said it with a straight face. Maybe he even thought we'd buy it.
``I took tremendous abuse,'' Laimbeer said during yesterday's press interrogation. ``All the fouls were fouls. Period. If you look at the tape, you'll come to the same conclusions.''
Funny thing though, less than 20 minutes earlier, Portland forward Buck Williams sat in the same gym and called foul on Laimbeer. He said the Detroit player was flopping like a beached whale. According to Williams and teammate Kevin Duckworth, you could have knocked over Laimbeer with a feather.
Welcome to the Great Flop Flap that the NBA final has become.
``I couldn't sleep very well after the game, so I got up and worked on my flopping technique,'' Williams said. ``I haven't figured the technique out, yet. It seems like Laimbeer has really established himself as one of the best in the league. It's amazing to me, his ability to get those flopping calls when everybody in the world knows he's the king flopper.''
Flopping has become as much a part of basketball as running and jumping. There should be clinics on the techniques. Laimbeer should make a video.
He grabs hold of players in the post. He rides them like a Longacres jockey. Then, when the player attempts to shrug him off, Laimbeer reacts as if he had been hit in the gut with a sledgehammer. He falls backward, arms flailing, tumbling to the floor.
Laimbeer is the king flopper, the game's master con artist.
Even 22 hours after losing the third game, 121-106, the Trail Blazers still were angry about the extent of Laimbeer's artistry.
``Probably means the Blazers lost,'' Laimbeer said with all the innocence of a shoplifter.
Add another notch on the belt of Laimbeer, the 6-foot-11, 245-pound mosquito buzzing constantly in the Blazers' ears. He has driven the Blazers to distraction. He has them where he wants them _ angry with him, confused by him, talking about him.
``Must be my charming personality,'' Laimbeer said. ``I've been accused of having the ability to take players out of their games. I try to. That's how you win games. I think my tactics were very effective.''
He gets to you like poison ivy. He is as persistent as a bill collector. You become so conscious of his antics, you begin committing silly fouls.
Williams' sixth foul Sunday was a blatant, frustrated, double jab to Laimbeer's throat. Williams went to the bench. Laimbeer went to the foul line.
``Was I surprised that his sixth foul seemed almost intentional?'' Laimbeer said, helping a writer phrase a question. ``Um, I guess I was surprised. It meant to me that the game was over at that point and he was mad.''
Laimbeer took both Williams and Duckworth out of their games. He grabbed 12 rebounds, scored 11 points. Foul trouble reduced Williams and Duckworth to only 27 minutes each. Laimbeer played 40. It was vintage Laimbeer.
``I think too much is made of it,'' coach Rick Adelman of the Trail Blazers said of the flopping. ``But the things he's allowed to do are not right. Other people in the league aren't allowed to do it. We can't get caught up in his antics. And I thought a couple of times we did.''
Laimbeer can take a dive as well as any down-and-out fighter. He is as accomplished an actor as Jack Nicholson, as classic a villain as the Joker. When it comes to flops, he is a basketball Ishtar.
``I disagree,'' he said, staying in character. ``Why do you say that was an Academy Award-winning performance? I hope the Blazers are preoccupied with all of this. It seemed that way yesterday.''
Preoccupied? How about obsessed?
``I don't blame him. I blame the referees for not calling it. The whole thing's screwed up,'' Duckworth said. ``He just does a whole lot of little, dirty things. I call his moves `Old School' moves. We don't have any old school players.''
Laimbeer smiled at all of this Blazer angst.
``You gotta do whatcha gotta do to win the game.'' he said ``If that meant taking a beating out there on the basketball court, then that's what it took. They got mad at me and tried to beat me up. I'll take all the beating in the world as long as we win.''
Williams fouled out. Duckworth had five. It's all part of the Laimbeer plan.
``They're big, strong, physical guys,'' he said. ``They're used to going from Spot A to Spot B. When you take away where they want to go, they just try to get there anyway, even if someone's in their way. They tried to run me over on numerous occasions.''
Poor battered Bill. You listen to him long enough, you almost find yourself believing him. But one thing is true. Through three games, he has been steady as a steelworker, averaging 16 points and 12.9 rebounds.
``The bottom line is winning the game,'' he said ``I don't care what they say about me. I don't care what anyone writes about me. We're up two games to one. We won a game here. That's what we had to do.''
In the waning moments, with his team ahead by 11, Laimbeer fouled out. The Portland crowd jeered and screamed at him as if he were one of the evildoers of the World Wrestling Federation. Laimbeer smiled, raised his hands into the air, then bowed to their boos.
``They had 12,000 people standing up screaming and clapping, and I thought they were giving me a standing ovation,'' Laimbeer said. ``I figured I had to respond accordingly.''
One more con, compliments of the master.
Steve Kelley's column usually is published Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the Sports section of The Times.
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Portland
vs. Detroit
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Best-of-seven series
(Detroit leads 2-1)
1 Detroit 105, Portland 99
2 Portland 106, Detroit 105
3 Detroit 121, Portland 106
4 Tonight, at Portland
Channel 7, 6:05 p.m.
5 Thursday, at Portland
Channel 7, 6:05 p.m.
6 June 17, at Detroit #
Channel 7, 12:35 p.m.
7 June 19, at Detroit #
Channel 7, 6:05 p.m.
# If necessary (PDT times)