Seniors find it's never too late to get into the dating game

WALNUT CREEK, Calif. — Her daughter calls Beth Cation a "man magnet," and it's easy to see why.

Beth was 76 when she lost her husband of half a century. Nine months later, she started dating Ted, a charming fellow who shared her love of dancing. He put a ring on her finger and they spent 10 wonderful years together before Ted died of colon cancer.

Soon after, she met Erik. Like Beth, Erik loved line dancing and travel. They dated for six months before Erik, too, popped the question. The couple recently returned from Hawaii, where they celebrated their fifth anniversary.

"When you're in retirement, you don't waste time," says Beth, now 92 and living in Rossmoor, an adult community. "This is good companionship."

Whether suddenly single after a divorce, playing the field for years or just looking for companionship, the 14.5 million seniors older than 65 are outnumbering 20-somethings at singles groups and online-dating sites.

Singles groups

For friendship and companionship, seniors congregate at Shipmates, the 60-and-older singles group of the Lafayette-Orinda Presbyterian Church (LOPC) in Lamorinda, Calif. With more than 200 members, Shipmates is larger than the church's singles groups for 30-, 40-, and 50-somethings.

"Everyone who shows up is looking for friends, if not more," says Kirsten Jensen-Horne, LOPC's director of singles ministry. "Shipmates do a good job of taking care of each other."

When Tom Pinder's wife passed away in 2000, his son and daughter-in-law encouraged him to join Shipmates.

"You meet people of the same circumstance," says Pinder, 80, of Pleasant Hill, Calif. "It's tough being alone. So we check up on each other to make sure we're still alive. It's tough to step forward and get involved with people again. I was married for 46 years."

The Shipmates make it easy by offering activities almost every day, from walks and movie nights to book discussions and symphony performances.

A similar group at Rossmoor, the Singlaires, has about 100 members who travel and dine together. There have been romances over the years, but mostly, it's just a place to make friends, says Jae Howell, the group's president.

Moreover, singles groups can be the best place to make friends or grow your circle.

Advice for seniors

Seniors don't want to be burdened, says Tom Blake, a dating columnist and author of "Finding Love After 50" and the forthcoming "Finding Love After 60," due out next year. With a wave of boomers turning 60 this year, Blake's expertise is in demand: In October, he will speak to thousands on the topic of senior dating at the National AARP Convention in Anaheim, Calif.

"As you get older, the qualities that emerge [in a desirable partner] are kindness, caring and warmth," says Blake, who writes for the Orange County Register. "Also stability. The last thing an older single wants is to hook up with someone who's in debt, needs to move in and rent a room on the first date. We want it to be as easy as possible."

Health is also a hot-button issue. "Let's say they start out healthy," he says. "If they get ill, then hopefully you'll stick by them."

Blake, who receives 100 e-mails a week on his column and national newsletter, says a lot of feedback is from older women who feel disenchanted about dating in their golden years.

According to the Census Bureau, there are 33 single men age 65 and older for every 100 single women of the same age. Why? Because women have a higher life expectancy, Blake says.

"And not all these men in the pool are relationship material," he says. "They date younger women, they aren't in shape and they think they can be jerks just because the old codgers are so set in their ways."

The good news, Blake says, is that older women are using their alone time to enrich their lives, be it traveling, discovering new hobbies or going back to school.