How great is it to be rich? Boesky tells all

NEW YORK — One of the promotional blurbs on the back of the recently published anthology of columnist Seema Boesky's work says her offerings "have made thousands of readers smile, scratch their heads and wonder."

Indeed. Wonder things like: How fabulous is it to be obscenely rich? What do you talk about over sirloin and champagne when your seven-pound Maltese terrier has impregnated a Bijon? What do you do when geese overrun your own personal orchard?

And, seriously, how fabulous is it to be obscenely rich?

These and other answers to life's pressing questions — but mostly the one about being rich — can be found in Boesky's columns in the monthly Westchester Wag magazine, in suburban Westchester County north of New York.

If the name Boesky sounds familiar, it should: She is the ex-wife of Ivan Boesky, the notorious Wall Street figure who became a household name in the 1980s after paying $100 million to settle insider-trading charges and serving two years in prison.

Seema Boesky's latest meditation, from the April issue, explores the importance of closets. Lots of them, and big ones. Enough to store luggage, Christmas ornaments, summer and winter wardrobes, friends' belongings and years of clothes she has never used.

"Yep," she concludes, "for this you really need to be rich!"

But wait, there's more: We learn in this latest musing that being rich also gets you easy access to plastic surgery, which — to follow her logic — gets you police escorts through crowds, plus a way out of speeding tickets.

And when the body finally goes, there will still be the money. The takeaway, quoting again: "What a blessing to be rich!"

The column is called "Seema Says," as is the book, which features selected gems from the magazine column dating back to 1999. The magazine itself caters to the "accomplished and affluent" in Westchester and nearby Greenwich, Conn., says its publisher, Mary Ann Liebert.

Reading Seema Boesky's columns raises a few interesting, troubling, envy- and rage-inspiring questions. The first of which, in a recent phone interview, is obvious:

Aren't you worried that people are going to hate you for writing this stuff?

Answer: No.

"All my life I've been received with open arms," says Boesky, 67. "I think people with money oftentimes get kind of a bad rap. Aside from the zeros in my bank account, I don't see myself as different from anyone else."

There is, in fairness, a certain admirable frankness about Boesky's columns. For example, she is utterly unabashed in her embrace of plastic surgery, specifically as a way to renew one's self-confidence.

Seema Says that Botox and collagen injections may work, but may also send you back for more in short order. Laser surgery is good for small veins on the face, but not the legs. And face lifts are well worth it "if you have $20,000 or so lying around."

The back cover of Boesky's book features enthusiastic blurbs by biographer Kitty Kelley and by Ivan Boesky himself, who praises its "everyday parlance."

Oh, and the one that says the book makes readers smile and scratch their heads comes from just one of Seema Boesky's everyday readers, someone just like you and me:

Martha Stewart.