Q&A: An interview with Bigfoot, the author

He may be the Pacific Northwest's most famous, yet most misunderstood native. Since his giant footprint was first spotted in 1958, and later when he was captured in a grainy home movie, Bigfoot has grabbed the public's imagination, spawning books, lecture seminars and key chains.

But the creature is more than the myth. In an autobiography released this month, "Me Write Book: It Bigfoot Memoir (Penguin, $15)," Bigfoot sets the record straight on his reputation, checkered career and persistent quest for a "shefoot."

Q: Why a memoir? Why now?

A: Want public to know truth behind all the lie tabloids print about Bigfoot. They smut merchants, pain vultures and Bigfoot HATE. Want smash them with fists and mail bits of them to they mothers.

Also, it no secret that Bigfoot career going through bit of ice age in last couple of years. Need advance money from publisher to pay off loan shark and finish plastic surgery treatment. Right now Bigfoot look like something between Michael Jackson and Gentle Ben.

Q: I confess — I'm one of those people who thought you didn't exist. Maybe it's because one of the people involved in that famous film — the one of you walking in the forest — said it was a hoax.

A: Bigfoot feel sad that newspaper lady so skeptical. It OK, though — Bigfoot not think you exist, either.

Sure that film a fraud, me should know, worked as production adviser and executive producer on project. Get dropped from film because Bigfoot artistic vision too much for rest of crew's narrow mind.

Q: You've had some successes, even publishing a self-help title, "Outwardly Violent Book of Inner Peace." But you've also had tragedies. What was your lowest point?

A: Well, Bigfoot not proud of it, but years ago when career going very well, Bigfoot develop reputation for party all the time. I living with me friend from woods, Cornelius. He a chipmunk, and even though he into party, he always keep a level head. Cornelius always look out for me and me for him. Me and Cornelius have sweet bachelor pad with hot tub, pinball machine, big-screen TV, the works. People over at our house all of time, eventually get to point where not even know most of people who there. One night, I guess Cornelius get fed up, and he come up to me as I making out with Swedish models on sofa and say he no can take it anymore and he leaving. Cornelius turn around and go to storm out of house but he not look and get hit by toy train and then stepped on by Donnie Wahlberg, bad boy of New Kids on the Block.

Q: Do you think you might have a problem with anger? Your anti-litter campaign slogan was, "Die Horribly, Litter Bugs."

A: No, Bigfoot have no violence problem.

Q: Pardon my asking, but what's the deal with your, um, scent?

A: Bigfoot have interesting natural musk. It very masculine, very European. Smell like leather, ocean, ranch salad dressing and cat puke. Ladies go crazy for it.

You have beautiful eye.

Q: I noticed you put your profile online, looking for a "hot shefoot." Any luck?

A: No, went on few dates, but women just not seem to be able handle being with person who as famous as Bigfoot. Plus Bigfoot live in hut made of mud and stick and filth, and women today just too materialistic.

Did Bigfoot mention you have beautiful eye?

Q: There's a theme of alienation that runs through your book. Even the woodland creatures mounted a smear campaign against you. Why do you think this is so?

A: They Republicans.

Q: What do you do for fun?

A: Not have much time for fun these days, but when Bigfoot can, he like to hide in shadows and stare at people.

Q: Is there anything the public needs to know when they attend one of your book signings?

A: Bigfoot will only talk to you if give bribe. Will accept cash, jewelry and sacks of meat.

Shirleen Holt: 206-464-8316 or sholt@seattletimes.com