Kids and holiday parties: ho, ho, ho or uh-oh?

Allyis' 2003 holiday party, where toddlers ran around and scattered colored balls from a rented ball pit all over the floor, convinced Rochelle Hill that the company needed an adult-only gathering.

While the kids were just being kids, tot chaos in the formal venue made the party stressful instead of fun, said Hill, vice president of marketing for the Bellevue-based technical-staffing company.

"The toddlers took over the party," said the mom of two, ages 2 and 5. "They made the room their own jungle gym. Parents had a hard time socializing with colleagues. A lot of us were saying, 'I wish we'd gotten a baby-sitter.' "

It's a sentiment many parents face this season as they balance their desire and obligation to attend holiday gatherings — both private and corporate — with spending time with their kids, who may balk at situations with unfamiliar people, expectations and settings.

"Sometimes parents assume kids magically know how to behave themselves in occasions they encounter once or twice a year," said Corinne Gregory, president of Woodinville-based The PoliteChild, which offers holiday-manners classes.

With consequences ranging from punch spilled on white tablecloths to screaming fits during the boss' speech to projectile vomiting of too many sweets, parents should consider whether formal evening parties are appropriate for young kids, even if they're invited, experts advise.

"Do yourself, other partygoers and your children a favor, and get a sitter," said Gregory, a mom of three, ages 9, 6 and 4. "Otherwise, everyone will be miserable."

A corporate holiday party is a business event that "just happens to be in a social setting," said Deborah King, president of Final Touch Finishing School. "Parents are often judged based on how their family acts. If I had any questions about my child's readiness, I absolutely would get a baby-sitter."

An employee survey found overwhelming support for a grown-up soîree, but Allyis still wanted to include kids, "since the holidays, especially Christmas, are for children," Hill said.

The company's 130 employees have about 100 kids, nearly three-quarters of them under age 12. So now it hosts two holiday events: an early December family party at The Children's Museum with Santa photos, then a couple weeks later, a formal affair for employees and dates.

The child-friendly venue lets kids run and play with friends they haven't seen since the corporate summer picnic, while the buffet includes mac and cheese and chicken nuggets.

"By the time the adult party comes, you're ready to get dressed up, hire a baby-sitter and really enjoy it," Hill said. "There really isn't any guilt, because you've been to an event with your family. The adults get to have fun and mingle, and the kids have a blast at the children's party."

With casual home parties for family or friends, many hosts find a separate kids' area works best.

"Every time a party has gone well, it's when parents have thought ahead to plan activities for the children," said Final Touch instructor Lisa Fischer, who teaches local holiday-manners classes.

While entertainment might include watching a movie, kids get restless sitting too long in front of the TV, said the Renton mom of Jaclyn, 11; Austin, 9; and Collin, 7. Last year, Fischer set up a gingerbread-house activity for young guests during her annual holiday party. She spread plastic on the floor and set out materials; Jaclyn helped younger kids.

Parents should explain their expectations for party manners but still need to supervise young children, experts said.

"In some case, parents tend to abdicate responsibility for their kid when they walk into a social situation," Gregory said. "The kids go running off roughshod. But parents should still be in control of their child."

With so much excitement and activity, "if parents don't take the time to make sure children are prepared for that, it can be disastrous," King said.

Of course, if there's a boring party you always get invited to, "it's a great idea to bring your kids," said Adam Wasson, author of the tongue-in-cheek "Eats, Poops & Leaves: The Essential Apologies, Rationalizations and Downright Denials Every New Parent Needs to Know and Other Fundamentals of Baby Etiquette."

After his daughter, now 3, broke an item at one home party, "I don't think we'll be invited back until she's in college," he said. "If you have a toddler, it's almost inevitable that something embarrassing is going to happen."

He hopes to attend at least one party sans child this year, preferably with cocktails. "Parents are too obsessed with including kids," he said. "Everything is always about the kids."

Besides, "When it's a parent-child mixer, there's never alcohol. And drinking juice boxes is just not the same."

Stephanie Dunnewind: sdunnewind@seattletimes.com