Fairy tales needn't be scary tales for young children
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Let's say you're at the eye doctor with your 3- and 5-year-old. You forgot to pack books and crayons, and there you are, stuck in the waiting room. How can you hold your children's attention?
Tell them a fairy tale. Many fairy tales have been tagged child-unfriendly. Many think that big bad wolves and mean old trolls frighten children, give them nightmares. But some of these stories serve a developmental purpose.
No matter how pleasant a life parents try to establish, children's imaginations create frightening images. Between the ages of 3 and 5, children discern fantasy from reality and gain skills to control the fearful fantasies that they picture in their minds.
Some fairy tales help this process along. In The Three Little Pigs, the pigs outsmart the big bad wolf. In The Three Billy Goats Gruff, the goats do the same to the mean old troll. Children identify with the little pigs and goats and gain confidence to stop frightening figures when they appear in their imaginations.
These are only two of hundreds of fairy tales. Recall a few favorites from your childhood and tweak them to suit your storytelling style and comfort level regarding violence.
While children know that it's only pretend that the Big Bad Wolf eats Little Red Riding Hood and the woodsman rescues her by cutting open the wolf's stomach, as some versions go, some parents feel a bit queasy about such stories.
If that's the case with you, you can change the tale so that the woodsman rescues Little Red Riding Hood before being eaten and demands that the Big Bad Wolf return to the woods. The point children learn is that adults protect them when Big Bad Wolves are about to harm them.
The story of Sleeping Beauty takes this protective element too far. If you recall, the king in this fairy tale demands all spinning wheels destroyed. According to one version of this fairly tale, the godmother, who didn't receive a golden plate at the princesses' christening, defies the king's order, doesn't destroy her spinning wheel and keeps her promise that on Sleeping Beauty's 16th birthday she will prick her finger and die. Instead, the story goes, she sleeps until the prince discovers her and wakes her with a kiss.
This fairy tale could be retold more effectively with the king, as his daughter nears her 16th birthday, telling her of the curse and warning her against the danger of pricking her finger on a spinning wheel, thereby giving her skills to ward off the mean intentions of this godmother.
This updated version of Sleeping Beauty would have a message for parents that once children move beyond our immediate control, it's important to give them skills to protect themselves against society's ills and hurtful people and situations that can start out fun, but turn ugly.
Watch out when telling the Cinderella story, too. While every young person hopes to find a charming prince or princess, eventually parents must prepare their children if the unforeseen occurs and the "happily ever after" myth shatters.
Maybe that's when parents convey that the third little pig wasn't just building a house of bricks that would withstand the huffing and puffing of the Big Bad Wolf, but that he also had internal strength — bravery — that would hold him up when unfortunate events or people attempt to blow him down.
So parents, collect a repertoire of fairy tales. Alter them to your style and interest while keeping in mind that your children will benefit by the lessons embedded in these age-old stories.
Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists