Two Buffalo Sabre teeth from the Ice Age? Priceless

Talk about an old guy getting short in the tooth: Two "priceless" teeth from a 300,000-year-old caveman's skull have been stolen, one at a time, from the Neanderthal Museum in the west German town of Mettmann, Agence France Presse reported.

"They are worth a lot more than you would get from the tooth fairy," said a museum spokesman.

But teeth rare enough to be "priceless"? He must have been a hockey player, too.

Small, unmarked bills, please

If you are betting which accord comes first — peace (as in world) or Pace (as in Orlando) — looks like the Middle East might be the better bet.

Or as Jay Zygmunt, the Rams' president of football operations, told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch after the All-Pro tackle's agent submitted a seven-year, $71 million contract demand: "It's not an offer; it's a ransom note."

Bumper crop

Playboy magazine reps were working the garage area during the Daytona 500, the Winston-Salem (N.C.) Journal reported, trying to sign up prospective posers for a "Girls of NASCAR" photo spread.

Won't happen, vowed the stock-car sanctioning body — if for no other reason than it's against the rules to compete with your top down.

Buss ride to paradise

What, Lakers owner Jerry Buss worry? As Bob Steiner, Buss' right-hand man, told Fox Sports Net:

"Someone once asked Jerry, 'Are you worried that you are going to mess this thing up?'

"And he said, 'The worst thing that could happen is that I'll take my last remaining 2 or 3 or 4 million (dollars) and move to Tahiti with Miss April, May or June.' "

Or, if he waits long enough, maybe Miss NASCAR.

When's the parade?

In case it escaped notice, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, with yesterday's 8-3 win over the New York Yankees in Tokyo, have already clinched a tie for their first divisional championship, even if it is the AL Far East.

Good seats still available

Tampa Baywatch it isn't.

As syndicated columnist Norman Chad pointed out: "Devil Rays home attendance has dropped every season, to last year's average of 13,070 per game, and most of those people wandered into Tropicana Field accidentally looking for a Wal-Mart."

Talking the talk

• Country music star Garth Brooks, 2 for 46 (.043) at the plate in four spring-training camps, when asked by ESPN.com what his best position is: "Probably sitting down and eating."

• Fox Sports Net's Tom Arnold, among his list of things you shouldn't say to the Sacramento Kings' Chris Webber: "The Maloofs gave you $123 million? Man, they really are in the gambling business."

• Jack Todd of the Montreal Gazette, anticipating a Canadiens-Maple Leafs playoff showdown: "A series between these two teams promises more action than nude low-carb oil-wrestling night at the Senior Swingers Club."

• Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the local NBA team's 8-28 road record: "Hollywood insiders say Mel Gibson considered making a movie about Warriors fans but decided, 'Nobody would pay to watch that much suffering.' "

Leave 'em laughing

Nicole Arbour, 21, says she was fired from the NBA Raptors' dance squad last month, the Toronto Star reported, because the team didn't like her pursuing a career as a stand-up comedian at local laugh joints such as Yuk Yuk's.

Can't blame the Raptors, though. At 30-43, they don't need the competition.

— Dwight Perry, The Seattle Times