Former quarterback Jeff Kemp leads drive to strengthen traditional marriage
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He's tall, trim, dark-haired, handsome and conservative. A quarterback in his NFL days, he's graceful enough to shake hands without crushing your palm but assertive enough to make even small talk feel like a fourth-down huddle.
A Christian and the son of one-time Republican vice-presidential contender Jack Kemp, he speaks with a raspy certainty that suggests his ideas come not just from the religious or political playbook but from soulful reflection.
So when Kemp says God "gifted" his wife Stacy to him when they got married 21 years ago last Friday, there's the twinkle of a true believer in his eyes. And when he calmly says marriage by definition is a union between a man and a woman, not a twinge of doubt furrows his brow.
For 11 years, Kemp has been fighting to save traditional marriages — his and yours.
The 44-year-old father of four from Redmond is executive director of Families Northwest, a nonprofit Bellevue organization leading a campaign to restore sanctity and permanence to marriage through partnerships with churches and other community groups.
While the national debate about marriage centers on efforts by gays and lesbians to gain legal marriage rights — a change in the law that Kemp believes would be shortsighted — his group has been fighting the "nonmarriage" heterosexual culture of the past three decades.
Kemp has been both a vocal opponent of gay marriage and stalwart promoter of heterosexual marriages. He said he's concerned the current debate unduly shifts attention from the needs of society to what's good for the minority of gays who want to tie the knot.
Some defenders of traditional marriage are reluctant to speak out for fear of being labeled anti-gay, he said. Through Families Northwest, Kemp wants to nudge the discussion back to issues more important to his organization's efforts.
"We need to be strengthening it, not redefining it," Kemp said of marriage.
Adultery, unhappy marriages, divorce, out-of-wedlock births and a "flippant" attitude toward marriage all jeopardize the stability and well-being of families, especially children, according to Kemp.
"The idea and the commitment to permanence in family relationships has been lost, and we need to regain it," he said.
With a $1 million annual budget fueled by private donations, foundation grants and corporate funding from the likes of Microsoft, Pemco Insurance and Nextel Communications, Families Northwest offers research on marriage as well as programs aimed at helping couples stay together for a lifetime, as many promise when they exchange wedding vows.
Kemp's organization has its work cut out for it.
More than 11,200 heterosexual couples got married in King County in 2002, the most recent year for which vital statistics are available in this state. That same year, about 6,200 couples got divorces or annulments. Statewide, the marriage rate is on the decline.
Kemp describes Families Northwest's marriage campaign as a movement similar to efforts to save the environment.
In this case, the front line is at the altar.
With assistance from Families Northwest, 900 churches in Washington, 680 in Oregon and 42 in Nampa, Idaho, have established minimum standards for couples who want to get married in their houses of worship.
Families Northwest has had less luck convincing secular organizations and justices of the peace to join the marriage movement, although Kemp has held meetings with judges and spoken at Rotary Club and United Way events.
Advocates for victims of domestic violence have questioned his organization's focus on keeping couples together. Kemp insists, however, that his group would never encourage a spouse to stay in an abusive relationship.
The requirements of some church-based marriage programs range from waiting periods lasting several months to counseling sessions where couples explore and address issues that could strain their relationships if unchecked. The first year of marriage is regarded as the period of highest risk for potential problems and divorces.
Families Northwest encourages churches to form networks, so that if one church can't provide a particular service to couples, another in the community can.
Seven churches in Puyallup, for example, have formed Life Connections, a program that offers counseling to pre-marital couples and mentors to newlyweds.
"People are actually excited about it and they anticipate coming through our marriage-prep classes," said Kathy Perry, a pastor at Puyallup Church of the Nazarene, where 25 couples took part in that church's free, four-month marriage-training program last year.
"Most of the couples honestly have rose-colored glasses on," Perry said. "That's all part of being in love. The greatest gift we can give these couples is to honor that, but also bring some aspects of reality into it."
Some couples have decided to delay their weddings or call them off after attending the monthly sessions, Perry said.
Similar church networks have been established in Southwest Seattle, Southeast Tacoma, Spokane and Yakima.
"We're trying to create a stronger community partnership, where churches work with each other to pool their resources and skills," Kemp said. "Our hope is to see the divorce rates drop and the (marriage) satisfaction rates rise."
About 1,500 couples have signed the "Our Marriage Matters to Us" pledge on the Families Northwest Web site, www.familiesnorthwest.org, since the campaign started in February. The organization's goal is to collect 135,000 signatures this year.
Kemp's concern for families and marriage peaked when, as an NFL quarterback, he visited a youth sports camp in Harlem: He discovered that only a dozen of the 400 kids at the camp had fathers who lived at home.
Growing up in Buffalo, N.Y., — and in Washington, D.C., while his father served in Congress — Kemp and his three siblings were always told, "You're a Kemp; be a leader."
Kemp said he struggled after his football career ended more than a decade ago to figure out how best to heed that message.
In Families Northwest, he has found a sense of purpose, a "higher calling" than a career in politics or some other arena, he said.
Kemp said he respects anyone who can maintain healthy relationships and raise well-rounded children, whether they are single moms or gay parents.
But calls to expand the legal definition of marriage place the future of the whole institution at stake, he said.
"It shrinks, minimizes and creates a more nebulous, confusing identity for the institution," Kemp said. "It's harder for people on the whole to commit to something when it's less clear to society why it's so honorable."
Benefits such as tax breaks and inheritance privileges can be granted to same-sex couples without expanding the legal definition of marriage, he argued.
Kemp said research shows children experience lower drug-abuse and teen-birth rates, as well as fewer suicides, academic problems and relationship troubles when they grow up in traditional households.
"All of us have a stake in making life better for children, and the one clear and proven strategy for bringing about that change is to strengthen marriage, so that there's more kids with moms and dads in their lives," he said.
Actually, studies comparing families headed by gays and lesbians to those headed by a married man and woman have been inconclusive in a number of areas. While there have been differences in interpretation, psychologists generally believe there's little evidence children suffer major mental, social or sexual problems because their parents are a same-sex couple.
As for his own marriage, Kemp rated it a "six or seven" out of 10, with plenty of lessons yet to absorb.
He and his wife Stacy learn a lot about each other by mentoring younger heterosexual married couples through a program at Crossroads Bible Church in Bellevue, he said.
Kemp sees in younger couples a renewed interest in the idea of creating families.
He wants Families Northwest to be there to help them look past the rosy vision of marriage and commit to the long haul.
"The yearning for family is a positive sign," Kemp said. "But it has to move beyond a nostalgia and romance for it."
Tyrone Beason: 206-464-2251 or tbeason@seattletimes.com
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