Geritol to rejuvenate potted plants, and other oddball tips and trivia

"Joey Green's Gardening Magic" is as much trivia book as tip guide. Green, a self-proclaimed "guru of weird uses for brand-name products," appears to be a fan of the elbow-in-the-ribs school of information delivery, convinced that the best way to get people to try new things (and to read his books) is to distract them with the illusion that they are having a good time.

It's been a successful strategy so far. Green is the author of numerous books of similar genre with such dubious titles as "The Unofficial Gilligan's Island Handbook," "Clean Your Clothes with Cheese Whiz" and "Hellbent on Insanity."

Green now makes gardening advice the target of his marketing savvy. Why only brand names and no generics? You'll have to ask him. His latest title offers an enjoyable handful of information helpful to the home gardener, but it is delivered to the reader bound with trivia and mildly amusing non sequiturs. Green might know a few things about how to use Cool Whip that might never occur to you. You might not want to find yourself cornered by him at a cocktail party, but he's amusing, if only briefly.

The book has 75 short chapters, some only a page long, each prescribing items as diverse as cotton balls and cider vinegar for their lesser-known applications in the garden, at the barbecue or around the garage.

The section on potted plants, for example, notes that adding two tablespoons of Geritol to the soil twice a week for three months will revive the plant and promote new growth. A squirt of Reddi-wip on a terra-cotta pot, or a bead of it between sidewalk stones, will encourage moss. A blast of Heinz white vinegar will strip mildew from patio furniture.

Given equal weight, however, is a heap of associated trivia, often related to the chapter subject by only one word. In "Hand Cleaner," we learn that when we're ready to wash up, greasing the palms with Blue Bonnet margarine helps remove grease and grime — and leaves the hands smelling like popcorn. This is followed shortly thereafter with: "President James Garfield could write in Latin with one hand while simultaneously writing Greek with the other hand."

Under "Patio Furniture," Green notes: "Using only his teeth, Jack Del Rio of Chicago, Illinois, could lift two tables and six chairs."

Some suggestions are suspect, extravagant or both. Green advocates draping Slinkys and hanging Irish Spring soap all over the yard — in trees, on fence posts and around crops — to repel deer. Beyond the expense of studding the landscape with metal springs and deodorant bars, no less a garden authority than Ann Lovejoy reports at least one gardener being amazed at how eagerly the wildlife devoured the fruit tree anyway — and the soap.

To Green's credit, the book includes a very practical index, making it a relatively simple procedure to start research with the products themselves instead of relying on chapter titles.

This is a good gift for someone who isn't snobby about where he gets his gardening advice — a sure-fire bathroom hit, next to the crossword puzzles — but not a must-have for the botanical library.

Peter Sackett is a writer and program director for The American Institute of Architects Seattle.

"Joey Green's Gardening Magic: More than 1,145 Ingenious Gardening Solutions Using Brand-Name Products"


Joey Green
Rodale Press, $14.95
Uncommon uses for common products


Lately, several writers have set out to show that you can get effective results to some common home and garden problems by using products you find around the house.

Here is a sampling, culled from Sharon Lovejoy, author of "Trowel & Error: Over 700 Shortcuts, Tips & Remedies for the Gardener" (Workman, $13.95); "Joey Green's Gardening Magic"; and "Eat More Dirt" and "Slug Bread and Beheaded Thistles" (second edition), both by Ellen Sandbeck (Broadway Books, $10.95):

• To spread a small amount of grass seed or fertilizer, punch holes in the bottom of an empty coffee can, fill with seed or fertilizer, cover with the plastic lid and shake the can as you walk around the lawn or garden.

• To clean plastic patio furniture, use Arm & Hammer baking soda, or spray it with Barbasol Shaving Cream and scrub it with a brush, wet rag or sponge. After the furniture is clean, spray it with a light coat of Pledge and buff it with a clean cloth. The Pledge keeps it smooth so dirt won't stick.

• If your harvest generates a swarm of fruit flies in your kitchen, fill a small bowl with equal amounts of apple cider vinegar and water. The fruit flies will line up on the rim and dive in.

• Keep rabbits from chewing on your lettuce crop by misting it with a mixture of two tablespoons Tabasco Pepper Sauce, two tablespoons McCormick Garlic Powder, three drops Ivory Dishwashing Liquid and two cups of water in a 16-ounce spray bottle. (Test on a small area before spraying your entire crop, and be sure to wash all vegetables thoroughly before eating.)

• Sprinkle ashes from the fireplace onto your compost pile. They help speed up the composting process.

• Use mayonnaise to remove pine pitch, tree sap or grease from your hands: Rub mayonnaise on, let it sit a few minutes, then wipe it off.

• Prevent kinks in your hose by coiling it inside a used tire.

• Clean caked-on dirt from the crevices of your garden tools using an old toothbrush. To prevent tools from rusting, spray the clean tools with a light coat of Pam cooking spray. After cleaning and lubricating your garden tools at the end of the season, wrap them in newspaper before storing them.

• Give houseplants a calcium boost by crushing eggshells between sheets of wax paper and adding them to the soil at least once a month.

• Save the water from cooking vegetables; let it cool and water your plants with it. You also can add leftover tea or used tea bags to your watering can to water acid-loving plants such as azaleas.

Source: The (Nashville) Tennessean