The latest batch of reality: Cutthroat models, freaky fiancés and The Donald

A new year brings the promise of new lives, new loves and new careers. Ah, 2004. Anything is possible!

For instance: You might try to dupe your family into thinking you're engaged to a hairy guy who parades about in tighty-whiteys to win a million dollars, only to find that your "groom" and his equally obnoxious family are professional actors using their improv skills to make your parents miserable.

It could happen. On reality TV, that is — more specifically, on Fox. "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé" premieres Jan. 19.

What would a new year be without a new crop of reality TV stars to love and hate and love-to-hate? Our real lives would be grim, indeed.

So we put together a roundup of reality shows premiering this month (and you thought the gift-giving season was over). And, with Fort Lewis' Sandra Diaz-Twine's "Survivor" victory fresh in our minds, there are even a few local contestants to root for. Here's hoping you didn't make a new year's resolution to stop watching mindless television.

'Average Joe'

10 p.m. Mondays, NBC

Perhaps hoping to avoid the fate of the miserably failed "Joe Millionaire 2," NBC hedged its bets by filming a second season of "Average Joe" before airing the first last fall. "Average Joe 2: Hawaii" stars another unsuspecting beauty queen — coincidentally, another Miss Missouri — and 18 guys who are not only average-looking but exhibit some of the most annoying personalities on Earth.

This is why the premise of "Average Joe," while good in theory, is flawed: The show gives real average Joes a bad name. It's one thing to test whether a hottie like Larissa Meek, 25, could find love with someone "average," but who would want to date someone like the frizzy-haired, hyperactive David Daskal, whose idea of fun is to throw a watermelon in the pool? Even the other guys don't want to be around him.

Producers promise dramatic new twists (of course) and more good-looking party-crashers this time around, which lends an air of schizophrenia that does not bode well for the series. Pick a show! Is it "Average Joe" or "The Bachelorette"?

Meanwhile, the runner-up Average Joe from the first season, Adam Mesh, lost the girl but could still come out a winner. When asked whether Mesh might star in a role-reversed version of "Average Jane," producers replied, "Um, no comment."

'The Apprentice'

8 p.m. Wednesdays, NBC

The Survivor (executive producer Mark Burnett) and The Donald (Trump) join forces in New York City to create "The Apprentice," pitting 16 hungry entrepreneurs against each other to win a lucrative job in Trump's business empire. In "Survivor" style, contestants are divided into teams — men vs. women — and compete each week in tasks testing their "intelligence, chutzpah and street smarts," after which one member of the losing team is fired.

Of course, life in the so-called jungle isn't quite the same as on Pearl Island: The first mission is to sell lemonade on the streets of New York. Still, the "Survivor" motto of "outwit, outplay, outlast" is in full force here, and it could get interesting given the impressive backgrounds of the players.

Among them is Seattle stockbroker Tammy Lee, who at 36 is the oldest of the job candidates and already ruffled feathers in the first episode by taking a lunch break during the team task. (The show earned impressive ratings in its debut Thursday.) Still, Lee seems confident enough in her online biography, in which she claims, "Trump is going to pick me because I'm the smartest, the brightest and the best looking." Now that's chutzpah.

'America's Next Top Model'

9 p.m. Tuesdays, UPN

Who knew models could be so entertaining? Supermodel Tyra Banks and a new crop of wide-eyed wannabes catwalk into Manhattan for the second season of UPN's "America's Next Top Model," which eventually rewards the last model standing with a contract. But first, the 12 girls must master harsh lessons of the high-stress, high-stakes world of modeling, which include putting on the right outfit at the right time and not oversleeping the day of a photo shoot.

Two contestants — including Jenascia Chakos, 21, of Burien — learn that the hard way in tonight's premiere, with tears and drama aplenty. (Also keep an eye out for Seattle contestant Sara Racey-Tabrizi, 22.) Looks promising, but can season two be as riveting without last year's delightfully snarky Elyse Sewell, an aspiring doctor and possible eating-disorder sufferer prone to comments like, "Robin, you're an idiot, and frankly, you're starting to act like a bitch, too"?

'The Bachelorette'

9 p.m. Wednesdays, ABC

Bring on the new bachelorette — and please, no more Trista and Ryan. Ever.

With the first bachelorette and her firefighting poet married off — the only couple of "The Bachelor" franchise to make it down the aisle — ABC has handed the roses to Meredith Phillips, 30, the tall brunette romanced but ultimately rejected by Bob Guiney on "The Bachelor 4."

Phillips, a makeup artist raised in Portland who now lives in L.A., was a pillar of strength among the emotional wrecks that populated her show, staying on even after receiving news that her grandmother died. Bachelor Bob, on the other hand, proved to have less staying power — he and winning bachelorette Estella Gardinier have already split.

'My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé'

9 p.m. Mondays, Fox

From the network that brought you "Who Wants To Marry A Multi-Millionaire?" comes the latest show to make a mockery of the institution of holy matrimony (not to take any credit away from Britney Spears). Fox calls the show the "ultimate practical joke" — hmm, shades of Spears' publicist after her quickie Vegas wedding last week — in which a 23-year-old schoolteacher tries to convince her family and friends that she is engaged to a, well, big, fat, obnoxious fiancé.

The six-episode show follows the bride, Randi, through the engagement party, wedding-planner visits, bridal shower, rehearsal dinner and, finally, the wedding ceremony, after which she wins $1 million. What she doesn't know is that her fiancé and his family are professional actors, not just your average reality-TV schlubs.

This one wins our vote for train-wreck TV show — horrible, but you can't help but look — of the new year, and with a prime time slot right after the Jan. 19 premiere of "American Idol," expect a large wedding party. Trista and Ryan, eat your hearts out.

'Celebrity Mole Yucatan'

10 p.m. Wednesdays, ABC

If ever there were a celebrity destined for reality TV, it is Dennis Rodman, that cross-dressing, tabloid-friendly bad boy of basketball.

He will probably be interesting to watch on the second season of "Celebrity Mole," in which eight has-beens compete to win up to $250,000 while a mole among them tries to sabotage their efforts.

The same can't be said for his castmates: Ananda Lewis, Mark Curry, Keshia Knight Pulliam, Angie Everhart, Tracey Gold, and returning cast members (why? why???) Stephen Baldwin and Corbin Bernsen.

'The Surreal Life'

9 p.m. Sundays, The WB

The second season of the poor man's "Real World" stars, coincidentally, an alum from MTV's "Real World Las Vegas": Trishelle Cannatella, the small-town girl who went buck wild on national television, what with having unprotected sex with a roommate and a threesome in the hot tub.

So what happens when you put Cannatella in a house with porn star Ron Jeremy (along with Erik Estrada, Tammy Faye Messner, Traci Bingham and the artist formerly known as Vanilla Ice)?

Who cares? I'd rather watch "Real World San Diego."

Pamela Sitt: 206-464-2376 or psitt@seattletimes.com