Tag-team parenting: Some couples find that splitting work shifts to avoid child care is best for their families

At 2 p.m. weekdays comes The Switch.

Cristina Ticeson leaves her job as an office manager at a graphic design firm and drives to her husband's hair salon, The Shop, where she parks her Camry on the street.

Her husband, Ennis, pulls his Suburban to the curb, chats with Cristina for a couple of minutes — the boys ate Cream of Wheat for breakfast, the baby took a nap — then heads into work while she slides into the driver's seat.

Then it's off to home (or maybe the grocery store) with twins Joran and Elijah, 5, and Silas, 1, tucked into their car seats in the back.

The Ticesons have perfected what's been dubbed "tag-team" or "split-shift" parenting, where parents arrange their work schedules — either by necessity or choice — to avoid child care.

"We both agree that having a parent with them all the time is really important," said Cristina Ticeson, who recently had her fourth son.

Despite drawbacks, such as a kiss in passing as the only couple contact and the "single parent" strain of rarely being relieved, recent book authors advocate split-shift parenting as a solution to the dilemma faced by many parents: How do we both work without kids spending long hours in child care?

The arrangements vary: One parent might work from home, one might work weekends while the other works weekdays, or a mom might work while the dad stays home for a couple of years, then switch.

Making tag-team parenting work depends mostly on two factors: flexible or part-time job opportunities and willing parents.

Dr. Stanley Greenspan supports this juggling of work shifts in his book, "The Four-Thirds Solution: Solving the Child-Care Crisis in America Today."

Since high-quality child care (which is especially critical for infants and toddlers) can be expensive and hard to find, he proposes that in two-earner families, each parent works two-thirds of a full-time week. Then they devote the remaining two-thirds to their child.

"Parents need to rethink their options," he said, noting that the point is not to meet the fraction exactly but to find a way where children spend most of their time with parents. "With the four-thirds solution, parents share work but they also share child care."

Author Julie Shields sees splitting both work and child responsibilities as a way out of "The Mommy Trap."

"The Mommy Trap dictates that mothers can work and hire a mother replacement, or stay home if they don't like or can't find good substitute care," Shields writes in her book, "How to Avoid The Mommy Trap: A Roadmap for Sharing Parenting and Making it Work."

"The standard routes bypass something crucial: The best alternative to parenting by mother is parenting by father."

Bigger role for dad

Britt Weber, who works early morning to early afternoon while her husband, Tim, works late morning to early evening, says friends and family are surprised that Tim does his 6-year-old daughter's hair every morning. "The kids have a nice connection with him because daddy is also a caregiver," Britt Weber said. "They don't feel like they can only come to mommy if they need something."

Ennis Ticeson feels a void when his boys — whom he calls "my champs" — are away from him. "I love the relationship and time we have," he said. "It's fun with them. They make me laugh. It's a blessing that I'm able to be there."

Researchers say there are more split-shifters now because more families feature dual-working parents (about three out of five married couples in 1997, versus about a third in 1970). Our 24/7 society also means more jobs require nontraditional hours.

In a third of two-income couples with young children, one parent works days and the other nights, evenings or a rotating schedule, according to analysis of 1997 data by Harriet Presser, a University of Maryland sociology professor. Most trade off child-care, though the majority cited job-related reasons rather than family ones for their irregular hours, Presser said.

In families where both parents work, couples typically spend about 80 hours on the job a week, with dad working 45 hours and moms 35, according to analysis of 1997 U.S. Department of Commerce data by two professors.

A 2000 survey of 765 working women by the AFL-CIO found that more than half of mothers with children under 18 said they worked different hours or shifts than their spouses. One in four women polled worked evenings or weekends.

The drawbacks

Though split-shift families cite many benefits — more-involved dads, savings on child-care and dedicated time with children — juggling schedules can strain marriages, notes Angela Hattery, a professor of sociology at North Carolina's Wake Forest University. Hattery, who interviewed a small sample of split-shift parents, said many also dislike the lack of sleep and difficulties of the "second shift" demands of home without help from a partner.

"It's like 'Hi, bye, drive safe, OK,' " said Cristina Ticeson, describing interactions with her husband many days. "Some days the only other time we see each other is at night til I conk out." Sundays and Mondays are the family's fun days "to be all together."

Presser's research found that when a parent works the late-night shift (midnight to 8 a.m.), a couple is up to six times more likely to divorce or separate than those who work days. However, her analysis of the National Survey of Families and Households data found that working evenings didn't significantly affect marital instability.

The Webers' arrangement means they avoid before- and after-school care for their 9- and 6-year-olds, but their 2-year-old spends about six hours a day at their church's child care. They each have alone time with the kids, but her husband is home by 7 p.m. so they have dinner together.

She knows several families where parents worked completely opposing shifts and faced marriage problems because of it. "It's great their kids aren't in day care at all," she said. "But they never spend family time together. We use some day care, but we have more family time because of it."

"All the parents I interviewed said the benefits (of split-shifting) way outweighed the costs," Hattery said. While some who worked opposing shifts liked the arrangement, others said it was a temporary fix while kids were little. "As soon as the kids are in kindergarten, they're anxious to get on the day shift," she said.

Stephanie Dunnewind: sdunnewind@seattletimes.com.