Gay dad in Idaho fights for his kids
But the family picture has become clouded by a custody battle that has reached the Idaho Supreme Court from this heavily Mormon community. The case has gained national attention and will likely set the precedent for Idaho homosexual custody cases.
The case concerns McGriff's desire to live with the man he loves. His ex-wife, Shawn, fearing backlash in the conservative town, thinks their children shouldn't be allowed to visit their father if he lives with his lover.
"I'm sure she's trying to do in her mind what's best for the kids," Theron McGriff said. "But so am I. ... I can't imagine not fighting this ruling."
The McGriffs, both Baptists, divorced five years ago and shared custody of their daughters equally, though Shawn quickly came to believe that her ex-husband was gay. The girls, now 8 and 11, would spend one week with Shawn, the next with Theron, 38.
Shawn McGriff took no issue with Theron's sexuality for three years — until he and his partner began living together.
Shawn McGriff then appealed to Bonneville County Magistrate Mark Riddoch for primary custody. Riddoch restricted Theron's visitation, saying Theron could visit the children only if he did not live with his partner. Theron has appealed the decision.
Theron's 35-year-old partner now is living with his parents.
Shawn McGriff has declined to discuss her case. Theron McGriff agreed to talk only if his daughters and partner are not named.
The case should be heard by the high court next year.
"The vast majority of states have made it clear that you can't make custody decisions based on sexual orientation," said Shannon Minter, Theron's attorney and legal director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights in San Francisco. "This type of case is rare."
In an August study, the Human Rights Campaign, a gay-rights advocacy group, found 21 states and the District of Columbia have records of no bias based on sexual orientation in custody cases. Nine states do discriminate, Deputy Director Lisa Bennett said, and 20 others, including Idaho, have mixed or unclear records.
His ex-wife claims Theron McGriff is insensitive to the conservative values of their community, but he describes himself simply as a "soccer dad."
"I'm a reluctant activist," he said. "I didn't step out of the closet, I got pushed out."
But he said he has received nothing but support.
"No matter if they're LDS (Mormon), Baptist or Catholic, I've had people say to me that I'm a good dad and this custody situation is wrong," McGriff said.