Is your child a thinker or feeler? A doer or dreamer? Each child is shaped by one of six personality styles sidebar head: Classifying your child CT:Tracey Porter / The Seattle Times: Playing to type

A father of 6-year-old twins sees the contents of the kitchen garbage container literally climbing the wall. The boys are supposed to take turns weekly taking out the trash, but both have forgotten and are engrossed in their favorite TV cartoon show. Dad knows that one twin is a fun-loving individual, who needs playful contact. That twin prefers upbeat, fun and lively surroundings.

So Dad approaches the TV set and says, "Man, oh, man! I sure am some lonely ol' trash out here in the kitchen! I sure wish I could join all my garbage buddies outside in the big Dumpster. They're all out there having a great time, playing far-out trash games like pin the tail on the potato peel!"

One twin seemingly hears nothing. His attention remains focused on the cartoons. But the other child, laughing and chortling in response to Dad's clowning, goes at once to the overflowing trash can and quickly takes it out.

When it's the other twin's turn to take out some neglected, overflowing refuse, Dad will use a different approach. He knows this son is logical, ordered and precise. So now Dad says, "Son, are you scheduled to take out the garbage this week? If that's the case, what time do you think you'll do that?"

Because the second twin's most basic psychological need is for time and schedules, he promptly takes out the trash at the agreed-upon time.

In both cases, the children responded well because they were addressed in their most fluent languages. Child psychologist Taibi Kahler of Little Rock, Ark., and other child development experts identify six basic personality styles in children. The fun-loving child is known as a "Funster," while his more sober sibling is a "Thinker." If parents, grandparents, other adult caretakers and teachers know a child's personality type, they will have a doorway into his mind, his best learning style and how to keep him on his best behavior.

But if a child cannot charge his psychological batteries, he or she will misbehave in very predictable ways.

For instance, you can help a Funster child most by speaking to him with lots of energy and letting him decorate his room with wild posters, lights, colors and gadgets. Homework and other chores will go much better with this child if you let him take a five- to 10-minute play break. His predictable failure pattern happens when he doesn't get enough playful contact. Then he teases and badgers others too much. When the going really gets rough, he adopts an "I'll show you!" attitude. Dennis the Menace, Lucy and Snoopy are Funsters.

"Each of us is born with one of the six personality types, which doesn't change during our lifetimes," says Kahler. "Each type is OK. No one type is better or worse, or more or less smarter, than any of the others."

Using the six personality types to motivate, educate, support and understand children is known as "Process Parenting." The system is used in some North American and European schools and by mental health professionals in private practice to iron out behavior and learning problems in youngsters. Additionally, the U.S. Department of Education uses the system in some elementary programs.

Experts say it's also the best and easiest way to change negative childhood behavior into the most positive possible.

Tuned to different channels

In addition to Funster and Thinker children, there are "Believers," "Feelers," "Doers" and "Dreamers."

Each has very distinct and separate psychological needs, styles and wants. And each listens and hears best on a different channel of communication. Often, only a small gesture or two is required to satisfy a child's psychological wants and needs.

Says Sue Grier, Ph.D., a psychologist in private practice in Melbourne, Fla., "A Thinker child likes perfection and, when things go wrong, can be critical of others for not being logical or able to think properly."

A Thinker child will appreciate you helping him set priorities and praising him daily for his accomplishments. Always remind that youngster that he or she is good enough without being absolutely perfect. At school, Thinkers want to see organization, know in advance what is expected and be sure there is work to do. Computer whiz Steve Jobs was a Thinker child.

"The most common complaint I hear from parents is, `My child does not hear a word I say,' " says Grier. "But if you understand your child's language, he will absolutely hear your every word. Moreover, you will be able to give him the most important and needed type of support and guidance."

"Feeler" children need to frequently discuss their feelings.

Feeler children glow when parents and teachers remind them how much they appreciate or like them, just for who they are and for being there. These children intensely appreciate pleasant sights, smells, touches, tastes and sounds.

"The very sensitive fashion in which Feeler children are wired makes them very touchy about fabrics like wool and other uncomfortable clothing," says Grier. "Even the tags in clothing and a thick line across the toes of socks will cause discomfort."

To really tune into a Feeler child, make a special place at home that is nest-like and give her a massage or back rub and supply lots of hugs. The predictable failure pattern for a Feeler child: When troubled, they try to please too many people and wind up depressed because they are pleasing nobody. Lassie, Mr. Rogers and Barney are famous examples of Feelers.

Believer children often need recognition of their convictions. The wise caretaker shows respect for this child's beliefs, opinions and achievements. When Believers feel their opinions are not valued, they often scold, preach and push their values. They can become opinionated or righteous. Any priest, rabbi or minister, like the Rev. Jesse Jackson, was a Believer child.

To help your Believer, reward honesty and integrity, discuss religion, politics and current events. If he or she does start to scold and preach, invite him to make of list of "My 10 Most Important Values" and update it frequently. Also, help him select and be with friends who have the same religious and moral beliefs.

School habits reveal needs

In school, children often reveal their psychological needs by the way they approach their schoolwork and by their behavior. Thinkers and Believers are almost always good students who cause little trouble and often volunteer to tutor others. Feelers tend to gab too much because of their need to connect with others.

"Feelers need recognition and unconditional acceptance," says Kahler. "When a Feeler's needs are not met, they make more mistakes, show self-doubt, get confused and become a victim."

To help a Feeler child at home, caretakers can also allow them to have incense and candles; welcome their friends, give them daily hugs and be sure to say "I love you" daily.

Caretakers can aid Dreamer children by helping them find solitary hobbies like stamp or coin collecting, giving them written directions on homework and other chores and encouraging them to be imaginative.

Comic strip character Charlie Brown is a Dreamer.

"One seventh grade teacher noticed a Dreamer boy who pulled his desk away from the other students," says Mary Jane Janie, who holds a doctorate in education and is an adjunct professor at Columbia University and a retired school principal. "I suggested she let the boy put his desk where he wanted."

Because Dreamers are easily bothered by too much noise and confusion, the boy pulled his desk as far away as possible from the others. Because more of his need for solitude was being met, he concentrated more on his studies and improved his grades."

"Funsters need some play before they can get down to work or be logical," says Joe Polly, a Potomac, Md., childhood and parenting specialist who teaches Process Parenting to educators. "But when their need for play is not met, Funsters often tease too much, blame others, become negative and sometimes, vengeful. When Funsters get into trouble, you'll hear a lot of `See what you made me do!' `If it weren't for you . . . ' and `It's not my fault!' reactions from Funsters."

In one school, a fourth-grade Funster was falling behind in his schoolwork and was sent to the library for special help. The librarian found she could help him concentrate better if she first let him play a game for a few minutes.

Those children are young deal makers. They are usually charming, glib, well-spoken and require a lot of excitement in a short period.

Doers need instant returns

Singers Cher and Madonna were Doer children. They usually have short attention spans and need an immediate return for their best performance. They are left cold by distant rewards. To cope, be direct, forthright and dramatic. For instance, if you are discussing a lesson from history, tell a Doer, "You're the president, the nation is at war, and you've got to call the shots. Tell me what you are going to do."

But when Doers are distressed, they try to manipulate others, cut special deals and want to make fools of others. When Doers sink into real woe, they bend or break the rules, try to convince others to do their share for them and adopt an "I'm special" attitude.

For instance, in one Washington, D.C., school, a math teacher handed out 10 problems daily for homework. Some of the Doer children found that too heavy a load, however, and tried to bargain with the teacher for a lighter assignment.

The wise teacher reduced the assignment to five, but with the following conditions: All five problems had to be done daily, all five solutions had to be correct, or the task would be increased. Yet another teacher dialed into a Doer's need for action by cutting cards. If the child came up with the high card, he was allowed to do slightly less homework. But if the teacher drew the high card, the child agreed to do slightly more.

"At home, you can help keep your Doer child on the straight and narrow by getting him involved in exciting projects like aerobics or karate," says Grier. "Try to supply immediate rewards for completed jobs and do active things with him - play catch, basketball, shoot pool or go swimming."

Some mixtures ignite

At school and in many social situations, the combination of Feeler teachers with Funster and Doer students often creates conflict.

"Doers often link up with (Funsters) because they both have a high need for fun, excitement and action," says Kahler. "Because distressed Doers love to manipulate and embarrass others, (Funsters) often become their willing victims."

The classic Doer and Funster trouble-making team was Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn.

Meanwhile, all that action and nonsense are totally foreign to teachers - most of whom are adult Feelers - who prize emotions and want everybody to get along well.

Funster children also annoy Thinkers who do not want their precious time wasted by the fun lover's chatter, play and nonsense.

Additionally, Dreamers who have little tolerance for nonstop action, noise and confusion are often irritated by Doers.

Moreover, research on 240 students at the University of Arkansas reveals that Doers and Funster children are more often diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and often needlessly medicated.

"My study reveals about 85 percent of ADHD children were misdiagnosed," says Rebecca Bailey, Ph.D., in Little Rock. "The real problem is lack of communication between the teacher and the student."

But there's no need at all for disharmony, fuss and bother when each child receives heaping portions of his or favorite psychological foods.