Panty-Monium Is Not Unusual For Jones

Today we will speak of unmentionables. It shouldn't be such an under-the-covers topic, but frankly, some people still blush at the mention of them.

But we're talking about the upcoming Tom Jones concert Sunday at the Emerald Queen Casino ($30; 206-628-0888), which promises plenty of chest-hair shots, hip swinging and, of course, a thunderstorm panty-monium.

The Welsh legend is one of a few male performers who inspire women to send their underpants parachuting through the air. Teddy Pendergrass and Curtis Mayfield also saw their share of airborne drawers in their day, but Jones seems to be the only guy who still has the ability to consistently empty lingerie dressers.

In fact, it's not unusual for him to pick up a piece of underwear or two, wipe his divine perspiration on to them (clean ones, of course) and give them back to the damsels to which the drawers belong.

Before we continue, a hygiene note: While back in the day, women thought nothing of tossing the bloomers they were wearing at Jones, these are the germ-phobic '90s. Go out and purchase an untouched pair, please.

Of course, with so many undies unleashed before him, he can only select a few to bless with his legendary sweat - which is where we come in.

We figured Pass readers Jonesing for a piece of the Welsh star's sweaty magnificence would appreciate some tips as to which undergarments would be most likely to get his attention. To that end, we asked several local lingerie experts to help our readers shop for the perfect show-stopping pair of underwear.

The Bon Marche

Adair Bevan, who works in the intimate apparel section of The Bon, thinks substance trumps style in this case.

Her selection? "Big old Jockeys. Size 11. You want to absorb the most sweat, right? And attention-getting - they're like a flag!" Indeed.

By the way, she says, "Tossing your underpants at someone is dumb. I personally wouldn't throw my panties at anyone."

Anyone? "OK, maybe Taye Diggs."

If Mr. Diggs were to visit Seattle, Bevan's toss-away Jockeys would only set her back $7.50, although right now, she says, they're on sale.

Frederick's of Hollywood

Size and prominence have its eye-catching benefits, but according to Frances Gavalis, the assistant manager of Frederick's in the SeaTac Mall, less might be more in this case - much, much less.

Gavalis recommends purchasing a pair of, uh, the more ventilated underpants for which Frederick's is known, to toss at Jones feet. "If you're going to throw something up there, it should be sexy," she said. "Some of them have marabou feathers on them." And they run $20 a pop and up.

But what about Jones' magical glow? "If you're going for the sweat, I'd say a cotton thong. I'd do an animal print myself," she said. Monica Lewinsky's preferred underwear style is more economical at $7 apiece.

Gavalis wouldn't throw her drawers at Jones, she says. "I'd probably do it at a Limp Bizkit concert," she says. (Editorial note: Ew.)

The Pink Zone

The Capitol Hill headquarters for outrageous gifts and gear mostly features lingerie for men, but Greg Perry, the store's buyer, says he has a couple of show-stoppers for ladies, too.

To wit: Red and blue briefs emblazoned with "U.S. Femail," in the style of the U.S. postal symbol. Talk about a postcard from the edge. These, too, are relatively inexpensive.

Perry, by the way, is saving his drawers for George Michael. "It would be very fitting, considering all the trouble he's been in."

And what about the other big undie providers in our area, Victoria's Secret and Nordstrom? Vicki's area rep didn't call us back, and our question got one Nordstrom lingerie representative's knickers in a twist: "We don't have a comment right now," she said tersely.

That's all right, because Jones' fans are more than ready. Undies ahoy!

Got a question for the Backstage Pass? Call 206-464-2256. E-mail: mmcf-new@seatimes.com