Scratch, Grunt, Flex - Roslyn's Manly Men Festival Celebrates Guy Stuff (And A Canned Meat Product)

Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam. No, it's not the menu at Monty Python's Flying Circus, it's the subject of celebration at the Manly Men Festival and Spam Cook-Off in Roslyn.

The festival will celebrate boy power with several tests of testosterone tomorrow, including a flexing contest, a Manly Men parade and the venerable Spam Cook-Off.

The main event, Order of the Manly Men Parade, will begin at noon in Roslyn, Kittitas County, 80 miles east of Seattle (Exit 80 from Interstate 90). Expect to see Biker Babes, Manly Miata owners, the March of the Manly Men and the Festival Queen and her Royal Court.

The parade ends with the Manliest Vehicle Contest, which a well-dressed horse won last year. It wore a Manly Men bumper sticker. In the afternoon, several competitions will be held, including the Spam Cook-Off, the tool-belt competition - which has been won by a woman - a Junior Manly Men Flex'n Contest and a pie-eating contest.

The festival began eight years ago with a group of guys camping at a "secret, sacred location where no girls are allowed," says R.M. Crane, who calls himself a "manly florist" from Tacoma and the Order's president for life. It became an annual tradition. After the fifth year, Crane decided to expand the camping trip into a parade. The Manly Men festival was born.

This year the Order expects 1,500 people to attend. Manly Men welcome women at the festival. And Crane is quick to distinguish Manly Men from Pigly Men, those who take manliness too seriously and lack a good sense of humor. He says the Manly Man has "got to be able to suck in his stomach and flex a little." And he should also love Spam. Last year's entries in the Spam Cook-Off included Spamiolis (Spam raviolis), Spam bean dip, Spam scones. And there was Spam quiche. "It was really good from what I understand," says Crane, who didn't try any himself. "Manly men don't eat quiche."

The Manly Men Festival Parade and Spam Cook-Off begins at 11 a.m. tomorrow in downtown Roslyn and ends with live music and a street dance beginning at 3 p.m. Admission to the festival is free. Admission to the Spam Cook-Off costs $1; to enter costs $10. For more information, call 509-674-9096 or 800-99-MANLY.