Sweet Dreams -- Sleepovers And Slumber Parties Can Be A Lot Of Fun - And Tiring, Too

Does anyone really sleep at a slumber party?

That's a question parents and kids may debate into the wee hours of the morning. After the party the answer is usually clear. A slumber party can be lots of fun, a true social experience, but oh so exhausting.

"We stayed up all night the last time I had friends over. It was great," says Martin Cruz, 9. His mother, Marti Cruz, is somewhat less enthusiastic. "It was crazy. I sure didn't get any sleep. Next time we're not having so many kids."

There is a difference between a sleepover, when a child has one or two friends overnight and things can be fairly controlled, and a slumber party, when five or 15 kids spread sleeping bags in the rec room and turn the music up high. But either way, kids who stay up most of the night can take days to recover.

"Every child has different sleep needs, but most kids, even teens, require eight to 12 hours on a regular basis," says Kathy Kirchner, a pediatric nurse at Children's Hospital and Regional Medical Center.

A slumber party now and then isn't going to hurt a child, but parents shouldn't let kids get into a pattern of staying up late on a regular basis, she says. "You're going to have some grumpy, irritable kids who can't cope."

When kids do go to a slumber party, plan time in the next couple of days so they can take naps or go to bed early and make up that missed sleep.

Planning an overnight for Friday rather than Saturday, or early in a long weekend or vacation, helps, says Kathy Krause, a fourth-grade teacher at Grass Lake Elementary School in Kent. Otherwise, come Monday it's pretty easy to tell which kids didn't get enough sleep on the weekend.

"They're the ones who can't keep their eyes open in class," Krause says. "Or they just can't do their work."

Kids with special needs, such as bedwetters or sleepwalkers, can find themselves pretty embarrassed if parents don't help them figure out how to handle the situation ahead of time, Kirchner adds. "If the child wants to go badly enough, you can probably come up with a solution together. It's a good idea to alert the hosting parent, just in case."

Sleep issues aside, hosting parties can be an important growing experience for a child.

"It's good for kids to plan a party, consider whom to invite and what to do, and budget and shop for food," says Michael Murphy, a counselor at Seattle's Olympic View Elementary School. But think about the other kids, he says. "If a child is having a party that will be the talk of the class, we encourage them not to leave anyone out."

That may not work for a slumber party where space is limited or parents prefer a smaller group. But parents can help their kids understand the pain of being left out, and encourage them to invite different friends each time they have a party.

If your child is invited to someone else's house and you don't know the family, it's important to make sure it's a safe place for your child to go.

Murphy suggests parents call and check the party plans with the hosting parents, and perhaps go meet them before they say yes, particularly for an overnighter.

If it doesn't sound like a party you want your child to attend, or your child isn't ready for sleepovers, or your family has important things to do the next day, don't be afraid to say no.

"You have to put your foot down, or negotiate," says Ellen Kolman, who remembers one slumber party where she allowed her daughter Ali, then 11, to go for the evening, but picked her up about 11 p.m.

When Ali had 13 buddies at her own slumber birthday party recently, Kolman started the evening off by laying down the law: "No craziness or leaving the house, no uninvited guests, and I made sure they knew we were going to be around."

And if a girl got out of line? "We were prepared to call parents or take them home."

Fortunately, the girls had a great time, dancing, playing games, watching a movie and eating-eating-eating.

"We went to to bed," Ali's mother says. "We left the door open so we would hear if something went amiss later in the night."

With younger children, parents need to clearly communicate what is going on, says Kacie England, whose daughter Katrina, 7, was expecting eight of her friends at a slumber party last night.

"I was glad to hear from other parents wanting to know details," England says. "I talked to all of them ahead of time, discussed who wets the bed or sleepwalks, which kid needs to sleep with lights on. . . . It's a first slumber party for most of them."

England and Katrina planned activities together, a treasure hunt and decorating take-home pillow cases with fabric markers. They rented (and England prescreened) several age-appropriate movies, and they had pizza, fruit and other goodies to eat.

Most important of all, in Katrina's opinion, was that her dad took her three younger brothers away for the night and her grandmother came to be an adult backup.

"It's a girls' night," says England. "That's how a slumber party should be." ------------------------------- Do's and don'ts: slumber party particulars

The right night: Most slumber parties require at least a day of recovery, not only for kids, but for hosting parents. Consider Friday nights, Saturdays during a three-day weekend, vacations or other times when everyone has a couple of days to catch up.

How many are coming? The more kids, the crazier it could be. Many families limit slumber parties to four or five kids. First-time sleepovers are better with just one other child.

Who's coming? Choose kids who get along with one another. To avoid hurt feelings, don't pass out invitations at school unless all the girls or boys are invited. Most families allow only boys or girls, not mixed overnight events.

Who's hosting? Check with parents when your child is invited to a party. If you don't know them, meet them ahead of time, and visit the house to make sure it is safe and appropriate before giving your child permission to go.

Don't be afraid to ask who is coming, who is chaperoning, whether movies that will be shown are those you allow your child to see, and what rules will be set for the kids.

No surprises: Parents of the party-giver should discuss rules with their own child ahead of time, and with guests when the party starts.

Which rooms are off-limits - parents' bedroom, living room, computer center? What time is lights-out? What privacy will guests have from parents and other family members? What food can be eaten? What happens if outsiders try to crash the party?

Parents of both party-giver and guests should discuss how individual situations can be handled - for example, if a child is a sleepwalker, bedwetter or sleeps only with lights on.

Parents shouldn't be embarrassed to call other parents to come get a child who causes problems for the other kids, or for one who has a bad cold or seems sick.

Curfew: Some parents set them, others don't. It's helpful to have a room where early birds can crash, in case some guests are night owls who want to stay up until dawn.

Food: Have plenty. Kids love junk food, chips, pizza, pop and candy, but are just as likely to devour healthier popcorn, veggies and dips, cereal mixes and fruit - with fewer tummy aches in the morning.

Speaking of morning, have food - perhaps cereal, milk and juice - available for early risers, even if you plan to serve breakfast later.

Activities: Before the party, make sure the VCR, stereo and television work. Have a selection of movies, music and games. Prescreen or check that movies and music are appropriate for the age of the guests.

Have things for the kids to do, such as crafts. Girls often like make-up or hair-style sessions, and dancing. Boys love to go outside with flashlights for a treasure hunt or star search. Or make and fly paper airplanes.

Mom, he's bugging us: If the host family has siblings who may interfere or otherwise cause problems at the party, it's best if they are away for the night, or supervised elsewhere in the house.