Hbo Documentary Tackles The Most Male Of Topics

I suppose I should start with a warning to parents: This week's column talks about an HBO documentary concerning the life and times of the male sexual organ. It might not be suitable for your young child to read.

Of course, if your kid has any inkling about what's been happening in Washington for the past year and a half - and chances are he or she does - then my analysis of the "America Undercover" documentary "Private Dicks: Men Exposed," airing Monday night at 11 p.m., won't muddy their minds any more than Bubba Clinton already has.

The American public may still be squeamish about seeing full frontal male nudity on camera, but we're practically numb to hearing about the phallus anymore.

Blame it on overexposure. A few years ago, a nation shuddered at the thought of someone describing Michael Jackson's hee-hee in a lawsuit. Now Clinton's Washington Monument is the talk of the water cooler and the evening news.

In the aftermath of all this, "Men Exposed" doesn't come across with nearly as much titillation as past "America Undercover" specials. The occasional HBO series has tackled everything from prostitution to forensic science with an inquisitive camera lens - much sexier stuff these days.

You see, we do talk about other people's penises. But in general, men have a problem discussing their own. That's where "Men Exposed" comes in. The show's honesty is refreshing and entertaining. It's also as sensually arousing as a volleyball game at a nudist retirement community. That doesn't mean it's not worth watching; quite the contrary. It manages to do what no documentary dared attempt before. It unshrouds The Man Behind the Curtain.

The hour-long documentary asks a basic, rarely posed question: Why don't men talk about their penises? The answer is candid and many sided, gleaned from a panel of men varying in sexuality, socio-economic status, and ranging from a chubby 17-year-old virgin with braces to a libidinous 73-year-old retired professor.

Interviews with its many first-name-only subjects disclose how each man's experiences with the mystery muscle have affected their lives. Most interviewees come across as mature, but just to add an element of balance, the filmmakers also chat with three dunderheaded frat boys who tend to be run by their little bosses.

What "Men Exposed" does is defuse the topic's general discomfort and secrecy. Humiliations and epiphanies are revealed. Diseases, shortcomings, fantasies and fears are openly discussed. The men also share their sheer puzzlement at their penis's inner workings and motives. They talk about them as separate entities, comparing them to everything from firefighter's helmets to Darth Vader.

And these men are brutally frank. "It's the most heinous looking device in the universe," said Chad, a 26-year-old sportscaster (and one of the few who kept his unit under wraps). "You wouldn't buy it in a store."

Other than the fact that these men are able to talk about their swords with cutting wit, the most entertaining parts of "Men Exposed" are the clips of vintage scare films and naughty movies. They keep the mood light even if the discussion is heavy, and help "Men Exposed" succeed in its goal.

It is, indeed, everything you ever wanted to know about your or your mate's best friend but, thanks to our nation's leader, are no longer afraid to ask. ------------------------------- Melanie McFarland isn't going to touch a joke this week with a 10-foot . . . never mind. She can be reached at 206-464-2256 or by e-mail at mmcfarland@seatimes.com.