Matchmaking Services: Romance At A Cost
You've done everything Mother told you: joined a church; gone biking, hiking and dancing; played bridge. You've even done something Mother wouldn't recommend: the singles bar scene.
But here it is Valentine's Day, you're still dateless and mateless, and now you're considering a dating service to help you find Mr. or Ms. Right.
If so, don't get all starry-eyed and mushy. Prepare yourself for high-pressure sales techniques at some services, and hefty fees.
Membership costs range from zero to several thousand dollars at the nine dating services Troubleshooter researcher Cheryl Morningstar and I chose to survey from The Yellow Pages. We also found that about half of the dating services listed are out of business or have nonfunctioning phones. One was even much like a 900 line, with per-minute charges for chats.
There are services that enroll women for free, or at a discount - if they fall into the "young and gorgeous babe" category. It seems more men than women sign up at dating services, and they are less forgiving about appearance and extra weight than are women. Plus, they want women younger than they are. But we didn't find a service that admitted to enrolling handsome men of any age for free. One service gives discounts based on income to both sexes.
Two services we contacted, Reservations for Two and Romance & Resources for the Disabled, will match up same-sex couples.
Wade Williams of Kirkland, who uses a wheelchair, began Romance & Resources for the Disabled online about 18 months ago. Because of its special focus on people with disabilities, we included this local service in our survey. We did not survey other online services.
How dating services work
At most dating services with local offices, you'll be photographed and interviewed before being presented with one or more "matches." The interviewer could be a minister, someone with a background in psychology or a self-taught counselor or matchmaker.
Noel McLane, who owns MatchMaker in the Market, was a real-estate broker before she took up matchmaking. The fields are similar, she says, in that a lot depends on individuals' perceptions. "Even with a house there's chemistry."
As a matchmaker, McLane has clients complete a detailed 20-page questionnaire. She figures it involves about 20 to 25 hours' worth of homework "answering long, thoughtful personal questions."
Other dating services concentrate on checklists of preferences, matching people by age, religion, hobbies and other common interests, and whether or not they want children in their lives.
You pay upfront
At most services you'll be asked to pay the entire membership fee upfront. Some accept payments, but you'll owe finance charges.
"You can't repossess the date or the spouse if they get married. That's why there's an upfront fee," said Ray Dimmick, director of Great Expectations, a Bellevue agency that says its specialty is professionals seeking long-term relationships.
Once you've completed your profile with an agency, and submitted photos and/or video, you pore through stacks of others' profiles, photos and/or videos, then ask to meet someone or several someones.
If there is mutual consent, you've got a date!
But heaven forbid you should be a fiftysomething or older woman or more than 10 to 20 pounds overweight; some services won't accept you. "We never use the word `rejection,' " said one matchmaker, "but we must be realistic if we think we can't match that person."
Others will accept fiftyish women if they don't look their age and are height-weight proportionate. However, they do accept fiftysomething men. The exception is overweight men. Not all dating services accept them. And men under 30 are discouraged because the average age of members - men and women - is in the mid-30s.
It's not that older women would reject a young dude; they'd love it, the matchmakers say. But younger men don't want older women.
"Our biggest pool of ages is 35-45," said Robert Seeman, president of Reservations for Two. His service opened four months ago.
Mei Yang, owner of Cupid's World - A Multicultural Dating Service, charges women $195 and men $495 for membership. Yang contends that women - particularly minorities and immigrants - generally earn less money than men, and therefore should pay less. By charging women less, Yang can maintain a sizable pool of female members.
Her service, which opened last May, specializes in Asian women and Caucasian and Asian men, though she says all races are welcome.
"What I found is there are a lot of men attracted to the Asian culture and Asian ladies who are more family-oriented and more traditional. On the flip side, I haven't found many Caucasian ladies interested in dating Asian men. As one of my Caucasian women friends said, `I'm so tall and a lot of Asian men are so short.' "
HeartQuest, owned by Jim Anderson of Redmond, Ore., operates via an 800 line in several Northwest states. Anderson says he charges low-income men and women on a sliding scale, but he also has an "$80 women's discount" for the same reasons as Yang.
Unless a business can demonstrate a bona fide reason to charge the sexes different fees for the same service, that discrepancy could pose a problem. Generally, different groups cannot be charged different rates for the same service, said Susan Jordan, executive director of the State Human Rights Commission.
Examples of differing fees considered acceptable are senior citizen discounts and insurance rates based on sex and age. Jordan said that if a man filed a complaint about different dating-service fees, she would accept it and look into its validity. But so far no man has filed a complaint.
Additional costs
Along with membership fees, you may have to pay the dating service for a background check, photos and videos. If the service sponsors get-acquainted cocktail parties, cruises and such, you pay separately for those events just as you would for the costs of lunch or dinner on a date.
The cost of a 10-minute video shot at a photo studio can range from $60 to $1,000, depending on whether you sit in front of a video camera and chat nonstop, or want to be photographed for several hours, then have a professional edit the film into the most flattering footage.
Some dating-service owners said they have in-house photographers who do the filming. But most refused to say whether they charge extra for the film session.
Morningstar and I asked all dating services surveyed if they would share copies of their contracts. Only HeartQuest and Reservations for Two did so, but neither uses videos. MatchMaker in the Market has no contract, but does includes a video in its membership fee.
In addition to paying fees and being looked over for grooming and appearance, be prepared to hand over your driver's license, Social Security number and other identification. Some dating services contract with outside businesses to perform background checks. Others say they rely on their own experience to decide when somebody needs to be checked out.
And, horrors, if you don't find that special someone but want to continue with the dating service, eventually you'll owe a renewal fee in most cases. Generally, renewal does not cost as much as the initial fee, although it could be substantial if you want new versions of photos and videos. Memberships usually are for a specified time or number of referrals to prospective dates.
Beware of "lifetime" memberships. That word refers to the lifetime of the business, not yours.
Unlike health and fitness clubs, dating services are not governed by a specific Washington state law. They are required to have appropriate business licenses and to pay taxes, and they must not mislead consumers about their services.
Not many consumers complain, even when they feel cheated. Either consumers don't know where to complain or are probably too embarrassed to do so.
Complaints filed
From 1992 to early last month, seventy-seven consumers filed complaints with the state against five dating services.
That's barely a blip in the attorney general's office, which receives more than 20,000 written complaints annually from consumers on a variety of businesses.
Complaints most commonly allege high-pressure sales techniques, failure to produce the promised dates, failure to make refunds as promised, poor customer service and other problems.
To date, the attorney general's office has not taken legal action against any dating service here.
The complaints filed with the state include one each against MatchMaker in the Market and Gems of the Orient. (The latter is a service we did not survey.) Two complaints were filed against Selective Singles and five against Renaissance for Singles.
Sixty-eight consumers filed complaints against various locations of the now-defunct Together Dating Service, which had franchises in Seattle, Tacoma, Bellevue, Portland and Spokane.
One of those complaints was from an 80-year-old woman who said she was pressured into joining Together Dating Service after the business contacted her repeatedly. She finally hired a law firm when she could not cancel her membership. Her lawyer wrote the dating service and told it to back off or he'd sue for "emotional distress and impairment of health in an amount far greater than the $1,500" the dating firm sought from her. The lawyer believes the problem was resolved, but he termed signing up an 80-year-old woman for a dating service a "predatory" practice.
The local franchises of Together Dating Service broke away from the national organization shortly after the Massachusetts headquarters filed for a Chapter 11 bankruptcy in November 1997, according to Charles Bender, former manager of the Bellevue office.
Bender and others took over local Together locations and renamed them Renaissance for Singles, a national franchise. He sold the Bellevue location but remains a consultant for them. He also owns Renaissance franchises in Spokane and other states.
After reading some of the complaints filed with the attorney general's office, I'd have to say some clients seemed to suffer from "buyer's remorse." But consumers also had good points about promises that weren't kept.
As one observer said: "This a highly emotional area."
Shelby Gilje's Troubleshooter column appears Wednesday and Sunday in the Scene section of The Times. Write to Times Troubleshooter, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. Phone, 206-464-2262, fax 206-382-8873, or e-mail address, troubleshooter@seattletimes.com ------------------------------- The business of dating: What to watch for
-- Don't be pressured into joining a dating service. Read the contract carefully. Understand your financial obligations. Remember this is a business transaction for the dating service.
-- Ask how many clients the service has in your preferred age, racial and/or religious group. How many referrals are you guaranteed during your membership?
-- Ask about background checks. Are they done, and who does the checking?
-- Ask if you can transfer membership to another location should you have a job change or some other reason to move your primary residence.
-- Ask specifically what services you get for different levels of membership. Costlier membership plans within an organization often do more refined matchmaking searches.
-- Specify what distance you are willing to travel for a date.
-- Pay with your credit card; if the service is not as promised, you can dispute the bill.
-- Check out businesses with the Better Business Bureau, 206-431-2222, and the attorney general's Consumer Protection Division, 206-464-6684.
-- Tell a family member or a friend where you are meeting prospective dates.
-- For at least your first date or two with an individual, meet in a public place, such as a mall restaurant.
-- Arrive and depart in your own car.
-- Trust your instincts: If you are not comfortable, don't make a second date.
-- Don't give out personal information such as a home or office address, or telephone numbers.
-- If you're seeking a long-term relationship, ask the person if they are legally divorced. -------------------------------
---------------------------------
A survey of local dating services
---------------------------------
This is a sampling of the fees and terms required by some
local dating services.
Company
Cupid's World
A Multicultural Dating Service
425-373-4061
www.cupidsworld.com
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: : : : Use of :
: Membership : : : personality :
: fees / : Age range : Specialty : profile, :
: length (1) : of clients : area : photo, video :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: Women: $195 : 28 to 50 : People interested : Photo, :
: Men: $495 : : in dating Asians : profile :
: One year : : and other : :
: : : minorities : :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: How introductions are made: :
: You make selections from membership files. :
: Your file is sent to prospective dates via :
: e-mail or mail. If there is mutual interest, :
: you are given first name and phone number/ :
: e-mail address. :
:---------------------------------------------------------------.
Company
Equally Yoked
Christian Singles
206-575-2424
www.equallyyoked.com
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: : : : Use of :
: Membership : : : personality :
: fees / : Age range : Specialty : profile, :
: length (1) : of clients : area : photo, video :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: $995 to : 25 to 55 : Born-again : All :
: $1,995 : : Christians : :
: One year, : : : :
: two years : : : :
: or Premiere : : : :
: (until : : : :
: married) : : : :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: How introductions are made: :
: You make selections from member files. :
: Prospective dates review your file. If there :
: is mutual interest, parties are given names :
: and phone numbers. In some memberships, staff :
: assists in finding matches. :
:---------------------------------------------------------------.
Company
Great Expectations
425-454-1974
www.great-x.com
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: : : : Use of :
: Membership : : : personality :
: fees / : Age range : Specialty : profile, :
: length (1) : of clients : area : photo, video :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: $2,000 to : 23 to 55 : Professionals : All :
: $4,000 One : : seeking long-term : :
: to six : : relationships : :
: years : : : :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: How introductions are made: :
: You make selections from membership files. :
: Your prospective dates review your file. If :
: there is mutual interest, both parties receive :
: full name and phone number. :
:---------------------------------------------------------------.
Company
HeartQuest
800-949-0411
www.heartquest.com
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: : : : Use of :
: Membership : : : personality :
: fees / : Age range : Specialty : profile, :
: length (1) : of clients : area : photo, video :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: 0 to $316 : 35 to 65 : People seeking : Photo, :
: Six : : long-term : profile :
: referrals : : relationships : :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: How introductions are made: :
: If there is mutual interest, a meeting is :
: arranged. Company makes selections. A letter :
: is sent to both parties with some details :
: about each other. You respond via mail to the :
: company, or by phone to the individual. :
:---------------------------------------------------------------.
Company
MatchMaker in the Market
206-621-9101
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: : : : Use of :
: Membership : : : personality :
: fees / : Age range : Specialty : profile, :
: length (1) : of clients : area : photo, video :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: $1,500 : 30 to 55 : Professionals : Video, :
: One year : : seeking long-term : profile :
: : : relationships : :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: How introductions are made: :
: Company makes selections. After reviewing :
: file, if you mutually agree, full names and :
: phone numbers are given to both parties. :
:---------------------------------------------------------------.
Company
Renaissance for Singles
425-450-0082 or
800-794-6208
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: : : : Use of :
: Membership : : : personality :
: fees / : Age range : Specialty : profile, :
: length (1) : of clients : area : photo, video :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: $1,750 to : 30 to 55 : People seeking : Profile :
: $3,250 : : long-term : :
: Five to 36 : : relationships : :
: referrals : : : :
: No time : : : :
: limit : : : :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: How introductions are made: :
: Company reviews member files, making matches :
: based on your criteria. Your file is sent to :
: prospective dates. If there is mutual :
: interest, both parties receive full name, :
: number. :
:---------------------------------------------------------------.
Company
Reservations for Two
425-646-7275
www.reservationsfortwo.com
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: : : : Use of :
: Membership : : : personality :
: fees / : Age range : Specialty : profile, :
: length (1) : of clients : area : photo, video :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: $605 to : 37 to 45 : Professionals : Photo, :
: $630 (2) : : established in : profile :
: Lifetime / : : their careers : :
: 10 to 15 : : : :
: dates a year: : : :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: How introductions are made: :
: Company arranges a casual lunch date, sharing :
: general personality traits and first names :
: only. :
:---------------------------------------------------------------.
Company
Romance & Resources for the Disabled
425-821-6177
www.disableddating.com
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: : : : Use of :
: Membership : : : personality :
: fees / : Age range : Specialty : profile, :
: length (1) : of clients : area : photo, video :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: $49.99 : 20 to 50 : People with : Photo, :
: Six months : : disabilities : profile :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: How introductions are made: :
: Internet-based dating service. You are issued :
: a code name and are linked with members :
: matching your preferences. You e-mail the :
: member under your code name, and after mutual :
: agreement meet in one of the chat rooms. :
:---------------------------------------------------------------.
Company
Selective Singles
425-347-5133 or 800-770-5133
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: : : : Use of :
: Membership : : : personality :
: fees / : Age range : Specialty : profile, :
: length (1) : of clients : area : photo, video :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: $500 : 30 to 40 : Professionals, : Photo :
: Until : : college-educated : optional :
: married : : : :
: - - - - - - : - - - - - -:- - - - - - - - - - : - - - - - - - .
: How introductions are made: :
: Company makes matches after an interview. Both :
: parties are called, and the phone number is :
: given to the one who initiates contact. :
:---------------------------------------------------------------.
(1) Renewal fees are charged after one year at some services.
(2) Includes fees for background checks.
Source: Compiled by Cheryl Morningstar, Troubleshooter researcher.