Insensitive Speech Made White Serious Laughingstock

Reggie White must have thought he was in some smoky nightclub in the Catskills, not the Wisconsin State Assembly.

There he was, speaking off the cuff to the state's legislators, sounding like some throwback comic from the 1950s borscht belt, insulting every ethnic and sexual persuasion. He must have thought he was Don Rickles on a roll.

The only thing White was missing was a rim shot. Oh, yeah, and some common sense.

You could almost hear the introduction: "Ladies and gentlemen of the State Assembly, it is my privilege and pleasure to introduce a true American hero. He is a defensive end for our beloved Green Bay Packers.

"You can catch his comedy special next month on HBO: `Reggie Slanders The World.' And by the way, he will be appearing this weekend at the Funny Bone in Milwaukee.

"Let's give it up. How about a big State Assembly welcome for the Rev. and Sack Master, Rrrrrreggie Wwwwwwhite."

You name the group and White insulted it Wednesday. The defensive end was positively offensive. Rickles would have been proud.

Thinking he was praising Hispanics, White, an ordained minister, said they "are gifted at family structure. You can see a Hispanic person and he can put 20 or 30 people in one home."

Stop it, Reggie. You're killing me. No, actually, you're killing yourself.

This speech sounded like Jimmy the Greek talking to Al Campanis talking to David Duke. Who was White's speechwriter, Jesse Helms?

White was invited by the state's Republicans to talk about his New Hope Project, which encourages urban redevelopment and promotes minority ownership of small businesses.

After his speech, however, that worthy endeavor may be called the No Hope Project.

The Rev. White called homosexuality "one of the biggest sins in the Bible." He said he was offended that homosexuals compared their struggles for civil rights to the struggles of African Americans.

"In the process of history," White said, "homosexuals have never been castrated."

No, Rev. White, they sure haven't. They've only been rounded up and tattooed by Nazis and thrown in concentration camps. No big deal. They've only been bashed and beaten on street corners from Green Bay to Key Largo.

White said blacks "like to sing and dance," as if those pleasures were exclusive to that race. Apparently he never has heard of Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Pearl Jam, Riverdance, Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett.

What did Rev. White use for research? "Gone With the Wind"? Or "White Men Can't Jump"?

He said whites know "how to tap into money."

Excuse me, Rev. White, my butler just called to tell me the Rolls is in the shop and my Rolex is five minutes slow.

Maybe I should call an Asian American. After all, you said Asians "know how to turn a television into a watch."

That's just fine. But I'm looking for a way to get cable on my Casio.

This speech gave new meaning to the term "cheesehead." And the saddest thing of all is White was serious.

We can only imagine the sound of the silence that fell on the hall. Why can't you find a heckler when you need one?

White gave the legislators a history lesson, saying Americans chose to enslave blacks instead of Native Americans "because Indians knew the territory and knew how to sneak up on people."

With their so-called ability to sneak up on people, how does White explain the lack of Native American defensive ends. Wouldn't that be an advantage on a pass rush?

White thought he was talking about harmony. Instead he was illustrating the dangers of ignorance. He was showing us how misplaced perceptions can foment racial tension.

He was trying to bring people together. He couldn't have been clumsier. He was a decent guy who got smothered by some indecent thoughts.

White still will be a hero in Green Bay. One speech won't erase the memory of the 1997 Super Bowl victory.

Republican legislators crowded around him afterward so they could have their pictures taken with him. He was a football player again, not a sociologist.

But White was wrong, dangerously wrong. He was as wrong as Rickles.

Before this speech, White was deciding whether to stay with the Packers or take a sportscasting job with CBS or Fox.

After this performance in the chambers of the Wisconsin State Assembly, he had better hope he has another season left in his creaking body.