Slapping Teenagers: Discipline Or Abuse?

BRIGHTON, Mich. - The spare-the-rod, spoil-the-child debate has been stoked by the recent arrests of two Michigan mothers for slapping their wayward daughters. One was convicted last month and put on probation; the other goes on trial tomorrow.

Prosecutors say both mothers went too far. But some parents say the cases reflect the tightrope parents must walk: Touch your child and risk abuse charges; spare the discipline and risk being jailed for neglect.

"I think it's a scary thing," said Erica Miller, 42, who works in a health-food store in Brighton. She said she has never slapped her four daughters, although her own mother once slapped her for swearing.

In Michigan and all but one state, laws permit parents to use "reasonable" force against their children. In Minnesota, any pain-inflicting discipline is outlawed.

The two Michigan cases, coming so close together, have parents such as Dave Van Tigt asking: "How do you know what's right?"

"I'm not saying you have to beat the kid to a pulp, but they should have to respect the rules of the home," said Van Tigt, the father of two young daughters ages 1 and 3.

In nearby Novi, about 60 miles west of Detroit, Kathi Herren was convicted last month of misdemeanor assault and battery for slapping her 14-year-old daughter, Amber Russell, during an argument.

At the trial, Amber testified she deserved the slap and the black eye that went with it after years of misbehavior, including

smoking, stealing, drinking, sneaking out of the house and unleashing vulgar tirades. Against the teen's wishes, her friends reported the incident and prosecutors pressed charges.

Outside court, Kathi Herren said the verdict sends a dangerous message: "You're going to have a bunch of out-of-control teenagers doing whatever they want."

Deborah Skousen of Brighton also argued that she was just trying to impose discipline when she slapped her daughter - Rebecca, then 18 - last spring.

She said the teen broke rules, defied curfews, lied, called her obscene names and drank. The slap came after the girl went on a weekend getaway with her boyfriend.

Rebecca complained to her school counselor, who told police as required by state law. An officer saw a bruise, and prosecutor David Morse pursued charges with Rebecca's backing. Skousen could get a year in jail and a $1,000 fine if convicted of aggravated domestic assault.

Barbara Bryan of the National Child Abuse Defense and Resource Center, which intercedes in abuse claims it sees as dubious, said legal action in such cases "almost puts a target on a parent's back."

"Very loving, caring parents now have to spend their child-rearing years looking over their shoulder," she said.

Sparing discipline also can land parents in trouble, as Anthony and Susan Provenzino of St. Clair Shores, Mich., found out.

In 1996, a jury convicted the couple of violating a parental-responsibility ordinance for failing to control their teenage son, who had been accused of several burglaries, marijuana possession and assaulting his father with a golf club.

A judge later tossed out the convictions and ruled that prosecutors never proved the parents failed to seek help for their troubled son.