Dr. Laura Sizes Up Men -- Popular Radio Counselor Addresses The Other Half

Dale Napier, who has never heard Dr. Laura Schlessinger's radio show, is flipping through her new book, "Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives," when he hits the chapter titled "Stupid Chivalry."

That means, to use typically blunt DoctorLauraSpeak, don't get involved with a messed-up woman because you think you can save her.

"That's good advice," says Napier, a computer consultant. "I got married for the wrong reason. I thought I was going to be this great white knight."

He has been divorced for eight years. Although Napier doesn't think he's currently doing any stupid things, the subject is intriguing enough that he's sticking around Borders Books & Music to see Schlessinger on a satellite hook-up. And he might even buy the book.

"I wish I'd had this book 20 years ago," he says.

For others of his gender, however, it may not be too late. Four years after she wrote "Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives," the wildly popular radio counselor has just published a similar warning for the other half of the planet.

Schlessinger has two previous bestsellers and has a daily audience of millions on more than 400 radio stations. Her show airs locally Monday through Friday from noon to 3 p.m. on KIRO-FM (100.7).

"I got the other book for all my teenage nieces," says Cindy Cadle, a devoted listener who has come to see Schlessinger. "Now I can get them for all my nephews."

But the initial hardcover printing of 350,000 isn't being accompanied by the usual book tour.

"I sort of went to war early on with the publishing company when I didn't want to go on tours," says Schlessinger, who preaches that parenting comes first and practices it with her 11-year-old son, Deryk.

"I am my kid's mom and I didn't want to travel to do a book tour, because I have an obligation and a love for my family," she says.

So bookstores around the country are hosting what the 50-year-old author calls the "virtual morality tour." Audiences can see Schlessinger on a big TV screen, ask questions via satellite and get her pre-signed autograph to paste inside the book.

"I'm attracted to the fact she has such a strong moral voice," says Rick Sallinger of Houston. "I think she puts starch in the spine of anyone who listens to her."

"She's like everyone's mother," adds his wife, Cathy. "Because of my job I don't get to listen, but every day Rick tells me, `Guess what Dr. Laura said today?' "

As early arrivals at Borders, both receive free mugs that proclaim "Go Take on the Day," Schlessinger's end-of-each-hour exhortation. They're normally $10.95 on her Web site (www.drlaura.com).

The author, whose doctorate is in physiology, has always applied her doctrine - don't whine, stop considering yourself a victim, take responsibility, act morally - equally to both genders. She takes pride that half her radio audience is male and doesn't mind that some women think she's too sympathetic to men.

"Sometimes women who hate men will say that to anyone who is supportive of men," she told The Sacramento Bee.

In the same interview, she says it's a tough time to be a man.

"I think houseplants are treated better than men right now," she says. "At least they're watered. We have told men that just about everything they do is wrong. Women criticize them for being insensitive, and then if they are sensitive, they're called wimps. Men are angry and confused."

Much of the book recounts conversations and faxes from the radio show to illustrate Schlessinger's points. She says she wants to "celebrate masculinity and the struggle that so many men have."

This, of course, is no excuse for doing stupid things. Schlessinger doesn't rank men's stupid things best to worst, but there's one she hears about the most.

"It's how much men underestimate the physical, spiritual and emotional benefits of really involving themselves in their marriages and their families," she tells the Houston audience. "They underestimate that until heart attack No. 1."

Having analyzed stupidity in both genders, Schlessinger concludes there's not much difference.

"The main source of the stupid things that we do is primarily the struggle between our animal selves and our higher human potential," she says. ----------------------------------------------------------------- 10 stupid things that men do

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is dispensing advice again. This time it's in book form - "Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives" (HarperCollins; $24). Here's her list:

1. Stupid chivalry: By getting involved with the wrong woman (weak, flaky, damaged, needy, stupid, etc.), you think that your love will save/transform her.

2. Stupid independence: Unwilling to admit "need" for bonding and intimacy, you hide in excesses of work, play, drink, drugs, porn and meaningless sex.

3. Stupid ambition: Unable to comfortably and proudly accept your inherent importance to society and family as husband and father, you bow to the false idols of money, toys, power and status.

4. Stupid strength: Uncomfortable with feeling weak, vulnerable, useless, powerless, or rejected, you use intimidation, force or passive-aggressiveness to regain control.

5. Stupid sex: Taking an attraction as a "sign," you measure your masculinity and power by sexual conquests, infidelities and orgasms.

6. Stupid matrimony: Lacking a mature sense of the purpose, meaning or value of marriage, you realize too late you've gone down the aisle with the wrong woman for the wrong reasons and feel helpless to "fix it."

7. Stupid husbanding: Thinking that marriage is the honorable discharge from loving courtship, you continue to live as though you were single and your "mommy-wife" will take care of everything else.

8. Stupid parenting: Believing that only women/mothers nurture children, you withdraw from hands-on parenting to assert your masculine importance, missing out on the true "soul" food of a child's hug.

9. Stupid boyishness: Having not yet worked out a comfortable emotional and social understanding with your mother, you form relationships with women that become geared to avenge, resolve or protect you from your ties to Mommy.

10. Stupid machismo: Understanding the true and meaningful difference between being male and a man, you can become a man.