`Doug Is With Me,' Says M's Cloude

KEN CLOUDE'S success in baseball, secondary to the memory of his brother, is partly because of him.

When Ken Cloude takes the playoff mound in his hometown Baltimore next weekend to pitch the most important game of his young career, he will not be alone on that hill.

Doug Cloude will be with him, forever a young man.

Doug was Ken's 18-year-old brother. Two years ago, he killed himself.

"There isn't a day goes by I don't think of him," Cloude said in a quiet moment in what has been a raucous week in the Seattle Mariner clubhouse. "I carry his Little League baseball card in my wallet. I have his initials written in my hatband. Anything I do, anywhere I go, Doug is with me, in my thoughts, in my heart."

As bright as Ken Cloude's life has been, including his ascension to and success in the big leagues these past two months, his brother's was dark.

"I was the oldest, I was the goodie-goodie," Cloude said. "My parents scrimped to save money to send me to a prep school (McDonough School in Baltimore) for an expensive education. Doug's life was always a struggle. He struggled every day of his life."

Doug had a severe asthma condition. He took to hanging out with what his brother describes as "a bad crowd. He wasn't a perfect kid."

"He hanged himself," Ken said, his voice flat, his eyes sad. "No one knows why. But it makes you think. You ask what you could have done.

"We were distant as brothers. From the time I was a junior in high school, we just weren't in touch much. You tell yourself there will be time to grow back together. . . . Then he was gone."

Doug's death drew the family together. Ken, now 22, stays close to brother William, 14. "I don't have a choice," he said. "I can't make any more mistakes."

Cloude says his family is typical middle class. His father works for an electrical company. His mother is a secretary. They still live in the same rowhouse where Cloude grew up in the Dundalk section of Baltimore.

"One of the things I want from my career is to give my family a better life," he said. "They scrimped for years to put clothes on my back, good clothes for school and all. I want them to have a house in the country, away from the city, the traffic, the smog, the hassles."

And in a way, he expects to give Doug some joy as well.

"Anything I do, anything any of us accomplish," Cloude said, "Doug is kind of celebrated in it. He's part of me now and that's the way I like it."

In a sense, Doug has been a major part of Cloude's development in pro baseball the past two years. Cloude, a sixth-round pick in the June 1993 draft, went 3-4 his first season at Peoria and 9-8 at Class A Wisconsin. Last year, he blossomed to 15-4 at Lancaster of the California League.

"I remember Jim Beattie telling me in 1994 that everyone was very impressed with Cloude," said Roger Jongewaard, Mariner director of player development. "I knew Kenny had good stuff. But Beattie said, `His stuff is fine, but what makes him special is his makeup.' Ken has that exceptional drive to win."

Usually soft-spoken and well-mannered, Cloude is a fighter on the mound. But he does not let the burning intensity show. He is poised. His pitching usually is precise, a matter of hitting good spots with good pitches.

Given the scarcity of quality pitching, it might be a boon that the Mariners did not lose Cloude in the spate of trades to bolster the bullpen at the July 31 trading deadline. "Someone had to go, and we had to give up (Jose) Cruz (Jr.)," Manager Lou Piniella said. "But we held Cloude. And as good as Cruz is, Cloude has come in and done a nice job where we were desperate for it, at the back end of our rotation."

With other Mariner fourth and fifth starters going 9-26 in 60 starts, Cloude has compiled a 4-2 record in nine starts since coming up in early August. His first start, against Chicago, he worked five-plus perfect innings and had a no-hitter into the seventh before taking a 5-2 loss.

He won his second start, beating the Orioles in front of family and friends back home, allowing only two hits in six innings.

His next time out, he was in a jam against Cleveland, bases full and one out in the fifth inning. When Piniella went to the mound to lift him, Cloude looked the manager in the eye and said, "Let me get this. . . ."

That so-and-so was David Justice, and Piniella left Cloude in. In the movies, Cloude strikes him out. In reality, Justice hit a grand slam.

"I didn't care," Piniella said. "I loved Cloude's attitude. He's a scrapper. We lost that battle, yes. But I have a feeling we might win a war with Cloude out there."

That approach is born of the drive to succeed, for himself, for his family, for Doug.

"You know," Cloude mused, "you get out on the mound and you get in a jam and you struggle and find yourself worried. But what I've learned is that compared to real life, that's nothing. I think of Doug at times like that, and it helps me get through. He went through real-life adversity.

"Compared to that, baseball is just a game. When it's over, you're still breathing, you're still alive. Just go play it as best you can."

Cloude, who will start Seattle's final regular-season game Sunday, never expected the major-league experience to go so well for him. Six weeks ago, he was in the Southern League. Even as an all-star, it was a long way from the bigs, longer still from a playoff start against Cal Ripken & Co., a role model for Cloude.

"I found myself standing in the middle of our clubhouse during the celebration after we clinched (the division) the other day," he said. "I actually said out loud, `What am I doing here?' I still can't believe this is happening at times."

Like many young players, Cloude is living out the dream of his life. "What I do for a living is what I played as a kid. How many people have the privilege of saying that? If that doesn't motivate you to work hard every day, the chances are you won't have it for long. I intend to have it as long as I can."

With the tragedy he and his family have endured, Cloude does not lack for motivation.

"So many things . . . remind me of Doug," he said. "I know he's going to enjoy that playoff game with me. The best thing would be if it was the deciding game and we win it, back home again."