`Fierce Creatures' Gums You To Death

------------ Movie review ------------

XX "Fierce Creatures," with Jamie Lee Curtis, John Cleese, Kevin Kline, Michael Palin. Directed by Robert Young and Fred Schepisi, from a script by Cleese and Iain Johnstone. Cinema 17, Crossroads, Everett 9, Factoria, Gateway, Grand Cinemas, Issaquah 9, Kent 6, Meridian 16, Metro, Mountlake 9, Oak Tree, Parkway Plaza, South Hill Mall. "PG-13" - Parental guidance advised because of sexual innuendo and language.

There's an old saying that goes "If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck." Well "Fierce Creatures" looks like "A Fish Called Wanda," it even sounds like "A Fish Called Wanda," but unfortunately, it isn't "Wanda."

Originally slated for release last spring, "Fierce Creatures" was pulled back and director Fred Schepisi pulled in when test audiences reacted negatively to its very dark, very British humor. These same test audience members still may be freely roaming the streets carping about football violence and the sexy new bob cut on the "Family Circus" mom.

The retooled "Fierce Creatures" concerns Marwood, a British zoo that is taken over by Octopus, an American conglomerate. The multi-national Turner/Murdoch-ish owner is Rod McCain (Kevin Kline), an old boor of a corporate raider more concerned with cash than quality. He sends in Rollo Lee (John Cleese), their television bureaucrat from Hong Kong, to bring the zoo to profitability. Rollo utilizes his television experience and initiates a program that allows the zoo to feature only violent "fierce creatures" as attractions. After that fails gloriously, McCain sends in corporate climber Willa Weston (Jamie Lee Curtis) to right the park.

McCain's amorous, bumbling son, Vince (Kevin Kline again), tags along, mainly out of interest in Willa. Once at Marwood, however, Vince sees a way to impress his unimpressed father and score with Willa all at the same time.

He concocts a marketing campaign to turn the zoo into a theme park whereby animals and their enclosures can be "sponsored" by big business and celebrities.

Meanwhile, "Fierce Creatures" tries everything it can to reactivate the ineffable success of "A Fish Called Wanda." Maria Aitken, Cleese's wife Wendy in the original vastly profitable film, appears as the zoo's put-upon personal assistant. Cynthia Cleese (John Cleese's real-life daughter), who played the very spoiled Portia in "Wanda," also shows up as Pip, the most fragile of the keepers. "Creatures" also claims "A Fish Called Wanda's" producers, production designer, costume designer and casting director. There's even a wink near the end where Rollo slips and calls Willa Weston "Wanda." It's as close as "Creatures" gets.

The "fierce creatures" program is the early highlight of the movie as the various keepers try to convince Rollo that their passive animals, such as the lemur featured in the ads, are vicious killers. Each enclosure boasts a placard with bloodthirsty, fang-bared mammals in attack mode - posted with warning signs - as the keepers exhort their beasts' ferocity.

The film never comes close to that level of cleverness again and resorts to contrivances and antics rather than earned laughter. Some of the bits, particularly a running gag about Rollo's sexual prowess, are funny, but they do nothing to move the plot along. They have to be supplanted by a number of cloying "changes of heart" scenes, such as a meeting between Willa and a gorilla, to take up the script slack. Three of the leads - Jamie Lee Curtis, Cleese and Kevin Kline - are as enjoyable to watch as ever but Michael Palin is wasted as the loquacious insect keeper, Bugsy. He should get second billing to Curtis' plunging neckline.

At times the dubbing is so blatant in this patchwork, and the character shifts so severe, you begin to wonder just what really happened in John Cleese and co-writer Iain Johnstone's original script that so repulsed that test audience.

Maybe the first "Fierce Creatures" was too biting, but this version just gums you to death.