College Football -- Tailgating -- Prefer Pork Or Pate? UW Fan Fare Reveals Their Lot In Life
Many monumental questions have swirled around the University of Washington football program for years, and chief among the unanswered ones is this: Does a 60-foot cruiser yacht have a tailgate?
The subject would never come up in most places, where yachts are for rich nautical guys and tailgates are for '76 Ford Country Squire Wagons with wood-paneled sides. But it's a major dilemma near Lake Washington's Montlake Cut, where Husky Stadium in a few short weeks will resume its most important national role: Spiritual tailgate center of the Western Hemisphere.
It was not always so.
Tailgate partying, an inevitable byproduct of the Industrial Revolution (which begat both the carburetor and the turkey frank) is said to have begun in the early 1900s, when boosters from Harvard and Yale - then, like now, lacking actual football teams - gathered instead for ritual parking-lot picnics, during which they exchanged goodwill, fellowship and approximately 73 gallons of luke-cold Van de Camp's Pork 'n Beans. Like Velcro lint, this caught on. Pregame parties bloomed. Marriages were arranged. Extremely bad hats were worn. Republican Party platforms were formulated. And so on.
The tradition later spread to the Midwest, where Big Ten fans, putting their own cultural grease on the tailgate, roasted whole steers on rotisseries turned by the crankshafts of Massey-Ferguson tractors. Supposedly, tailgating reached new heights in the latter half of the century outside Cleveland Stadium, where fans became so enamored with slathering "special stadium mustard" on mailbox-sized bratwurst that many to ever leave the parking lot - a habit which led to several dozen of them being paved over.
None of these meager attempts at tailgating, however, can compare to the pregame traditions of the Northwest, where tailgating was perfected the same year Husky equipment managers invented the extra-huge helmet (thereafter known as the "Norm Dicks Model") - and Coleman invented the portable gas grill.
Before then, U-Dub tailgaters were like guests at early caveman Tupperware parties: cold and grumpy. But gas grills - which, unlike the USC Trojans, could light up in any amount of Seattle rain - literally turned on the juice. Arctic parkas came off, pilot lights came on. Burgers and fans flipped. Parking lots around Husky Stadium became the Saturday-morning place to be.
They still are. Over the years, however, as big money has invaded college sports, a highly structured tailgate caste system has evolved on the lands around U-Dub. Newcomers - and by that we mean Michael Kinsley - should be aware that rules must be followed, borders recognized. This isn't a place like, say, Pullman, where everyone shares the same tailgate space and rules - largely because they're all related.
When you arrive three hours before Opening Day at Montlake, buns, mustard and rain hat in hand, please proceed immediately to your appropriate tailgate section:
Section One: The Tyee Lot
If Irving R. Levine was a Dawg fan, this is where he would suck down his bratwurst. It is the very tippy top of the UW tailgate social order.
Location: South side of Husky Stadium, the place of which everyone asks, "Whaddya have to do to park in there?"
Who goes there: The regents. Every last one of those darn Nordstroms. Retired 26-year-old Microsoft millionaires. Caffeine pusher Howard Schultz. Tim Hill. Booth Gardner. The Presidents of the United States of America. Your boss.
Who doesn't go there: Those annoying UW booze patrol rent-a-cops.
Who couldn't get in there if they tried: You and all your swarthy buddies.
Average arrival time for 1 p.m. Saturday game: Thursday morning.
Average vehicle: Motorhome approximately 4 feet longer than downtown Washtucna.
Average vehicle purchased on the advice of: Coach Don James.
Typical lunch fare: Smoked oysters with angel-hair pasta necklaces. Dom Perignon. Mussels on half shell. Van de Camp's Fancy-Style Pork 'n Brie.
Theme music: Neil Diamond.
Honey, don't forget to bring: Cocktail forks. Microwave paper towels. The caterer.
Section Two: The Dock
This may well be the premier floating tailgate party on the earth today. Patrons are those whose motorhomes grew so large they eventually were forced to leave the Tyee lot and put out to sea.
Who goes there: Lawyers. Retired Navy brass. Used-car collector Ken Behring, safe on the flying bridge in his "Wheedle" disguise. Shipping company executives. All those darn Weyerhaeusers. John Ellis. Hydroplane owner Bernie Little. Your boss's boss.
Who certainly does not go there: Subculture Joe.
Average arrival time for 1 p.m. Saturday game: Friday night.
Average vehicle: Grand Banks cruiser.
Typical lunch fare: Amazing colossal prawns. Smoked Snake River chinook salmon. Spotted owl 'n dumplings. Van de Camp's Pork 'n Beluga Caviar.
Theme music: The Master: John Tesh.
Honey, don't forget to bring: Extra deck shoes. Universal remote. Your personal friend Pete DuPont.
Section Three: The North Lot
This is the common man's tailgate venue, where it's OK to cut loose with a belch so loud it carries all the way to a place where it can be appreciated (Lynnwood). The North Lot also is widely known as the "Bob Rondeau Section:" Approximately half the tailgaters in this section don't even have tickets to the game - and half of those won't know it until informed at the gate by an usher, at which point they will slink away to listen on the radio.
Who goes there: John Keister. Your perpetual grad-student brother. All seven remaining Seahawk season-ticket holders. Victory-starved WSU Cougar fans in purple disguises. The Supersuckers. Crow and West. 12,000 unemployed former English majors. Your boss's lawn boy.
Who doesn't go there: Golfers, UW faculty - or anyone else in a sweater vest.
Average arrival time for 1 p.m. Saturday game: 12:55 p.m.
Average vehicle: 1973 Chevy Van.
Typical lunch fare: Albertson's reduced-fat turkey franks. Pepsi. Assorted fish-label beers. Several dozen bigger-than-your-head Costco muffins. Van de Camp's Pork 'n Pork 'n More Pork.
Theme music: Hendrix.
Honey, don't forget to bring: The big blue tarp. Duct tape. Extra ammo for impromptu Costco-muffin salvos. Every one of those darn kids.
Why do people tailgate?
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Socializing with friends 71%
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Eating food 13%
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Drinking 7%
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Watching the opposite sex 4%
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Being outdoors 2%
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Cooking 1%
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Partying 1%
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The top five college towns
1. South Bend, Ind.
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2. Auburn, Ala.
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3. Lincoln, Neb.
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4. Tallahassee, Fla.
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5. Ann Arbor, Mich.
------------------------. - from The Sporting News, 1995
The top 30 tailgating schools
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1. Georgia
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2. Louisville
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3. Ohio State
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4. Illinois
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5. Penn State
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6. Michigan
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7. Notre Dame
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8. Nebraska
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9. Louisiana State
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10. Clemson
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11. Indiana
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12. Purdue
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13. South Carolina
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14. Florida
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15. Auburn
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16. Colorado
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17. Maryland
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18. Oregon
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19. Northwestern
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20. Iowa State
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21. Mississippi
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22. Wyoming
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23. Army
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24. East Carolina
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25. North Carolina State
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26. Air Force
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27. Texas Tech
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28. Washington
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29. Rice
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30. Wake Forest
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