Courtney Love Influential? Well, She Does Have Some Cheesy Insights

Admittedly, it was a little surprising to find Courtney Love listed as one of Time magazine's 25 most influential people in America.

It's always nice to see someone from your hometown receive national honors. But some of you might wonder what the "goddess of grunge," known for throwing punches and falling down at rock-award shows, is doing on a most-influential list.

The way Time explained it, as only some Manhattan editors in their high-rise offices can explain, "Courtney Love, punk rocker, headline grabber and widow of grunge poet Kurt Cobain, stands astride a cultural fault line - between rage and insight, youthful energy and thirtysomething fatigue, between the starry-eyed lust for fame and the alternative-rock aesthetic of rejecting careerism in all its forms."

Oh.

I'd guess that Courtney's influence still escapes some of you.

That's why I collected a few of Courtney's thoughts - quotes attributed to her in articles, a book, lyrics from songs in her CDs.

Then I put them all together in something I call "Dear Courtney," her advice to today's youth.

DEAR COURTNEY: I'm just out of school and going to my first job interview. Any advice on how to make a good first impression? When you step onstage, what do you say to the audience to make a good first impression?

"I haaaaaate this ---- place! I want everybody to yell, `---- you!' Now, on the count of three, everyone say, `Bitch!' Feel better now?" (From the book "Courtney Love: Queen of Noise," by Melissa Rossi.)

DEAR COURTNEY: I'm a young woman who's slightly overweight. You used to be overweight, didn't you? As a spokesperson for today's self-assured "grrrrrrrl," do you have any dieting hints?

"I was fat from 14 to 24. When you're fat like I was - which is 5-feet-8 and 150 to 170 pounds - you do not get to - the boys you want to - Right? Right . . . The thing you gotta do is . . . I cut out FAT! That's ALL you gotta do. FAT! No cheese . . . STOP CHEESE."

Courtney went on to say why she thinks Asians aren't fat. " 'Cause they look on cheese as this gross Western habit. It's like sour milk - LARD . . . And I lost FORTY POUNDS by not eating cheese. And I even ate a little mayonnaise. All right?" (From an interview in Rollerderby magazine, reprinted in the October 1993 Harper's.)

DEAR COURTNEY: I'm going through youthful turmoil with all the usual conflicting feelings. I read that Time magazine says you articulate all this angst. Any suggestions on how I can articulate my inner turmoil?

"Hey . . . whoa . . . hey, why are you,

"Whoa, you, why are you,

"Why . . . why am I here? Why am I there? I don't care."

(From the song "Sassy.")

DEAR COURTNEY: Your Time magazine honor makes you a role model for young women in the 1990s. Any suggestions for young women on how the sexes can get along in these muddled times?

"Defy, defy. Use your lifetime of suppression and debunk men (particularly corporate oppressive ones). Dupe them. Take them in their sleep when they least expect it. Assassination plots never hurt Hitler. The only way he could have been eliminated was by a woman or a whore who snuck in a knife, who gained his trust and then stabbed him as he drowsed off. Defy, defy . . ."

(From Melody Maker magazine.)

DEAR COURTNEY: From your last reply I didn't quite understand what you were getting at about men and women. Sometimes I read interviews with you, or listen to your lyrics, and - don't get me wrong - but I haven't a clue as to what you're saying. WHAT are you trying to say?

"Do you wanna ride on my death machine?

"--- die in it if you did.

"Whoa yah ho yah ho yah yah yah yah yah,

"Yah I kill what I need,

"Yah I kill what I needed . . ."

(Lyrics from the song "Berry.")

DEAR COURTNEY: Wow! You're so cool! Thank you so much for articulating our cultural fault line. Any final words for American youth, now that you're one of this country's 25 most influential people?

"Don't eat cheese. There are a million things to eat that are not cheese."

Erik Lacitis' column runs Sunday, Tuesday and Friday. His phone number is 464-2237. His e-mail address is: elac-new@seatimes.com