Mums The Word -- It's A Secret Society With Code Words And Everything

FOR THE PAST 17 years, the Truly Unpleasant Mrs. Johnston has been keeping a secret from me.

Actually I suspected she was hiding something, but I didn't figure it out until just recently. Mrs. Johnston, it turns out, is a card-carrying member of MUMS (Mothers' Underground Mutual Supporters). They even have their own national holiday: Mother's Day.

Like most males, I had no idea that an organization like MUMS existed, but I always suspected there was something going on.

Now that I know about MUMS, a lot of mysteries started to make sense. I remember the first time I noticed the secret society that I realized was part of MUMS.

When I was in high school, I was walking down Colby Avenue in Everett with a female student. As we walked by other women, the female student would smile and say "Hello" to them. The passing women would smile and say "Hello" back to her.

It was like they were old friends or maybe neighbors. Either way, it seemed that they knew each other. I thought either she was extremely popular or it just happened that everybody she ever knew was walking down Colby Avenue that day.

After we passed the fifth or sixth woman and they both exchanged pleasantries, I said that I was surprised by how many people she happened to know. That's when she told me something that later on I would connect to MUMS.

"I don't know them," she said.

Whoa! She didn't know these women, but she was smiling at them like they were long-lost friends and shouting greetings at them? When I asked her why she was doing this, she looked at me like I was the one who'd lost his mind.

"I'm just being friendly," she said.

As a male, I viewed this "being friendly" business with suspicion. I didn't realize at the time that saying "Hello" to complete strangers was part of the training women had to undergo before they joined MUMS.

If I walked down the street, smiling and saying "Hello" to every guy I happened to pass by on Colby Avenue, I would probably be popped up the side of my head before my third "Hello."

"You gettin' smart, buddy?" would be the question I would expect to receive.

But women get to join a secret organization like MUMS, an organization that men aren't allowed to know about and, if we should ever find out about it, aren't allowed to understand it. Maybe the MUMS enforcers might even kill me to make sure their secret stays safe.

Using the Truly Unpleasant Mrs. Johnston as an example, this is how I think it works: As women grow up, they are initiated into the secret society by their mothers. There is some secret code they use so they can acknowledge other members whenever they pass each other on the street.

I believe the secret signal is a smile and, "Hello. How are you today?"

They don't have a list of MUMS members. They just know who belongs, which is another scary part of the club. But being a member has some perks. They all know each other and they go into action when they become mothers.

The way I figured it out was when Mrs. Johnston left town to visit her mother (I think they call this "Returning to the mother ship") and she left her children in my care.

When I asked some basic questions about the children's care and feeding - like what time they went to school, what time was soccer practice, what they wore and what they ate - Mrs. Johnston turned to me with glassy eyes and said, "Don't worry. It's all been taken care of."

Sure enough, a backup team of MUMS just showed up at our house and everything was done.

What a great club! MUMS deserve a holiday.

Steve Johnston is a reporter for The Seattle Times. Paul Schmid is a Times news artist.