Talking Her Way To Fame -- West Seattle Woman Gets Her 15 Minutes (And More) On TV's `Trash' Talk Shows

It really wasn't that hard to get on national television and slap the young man who had made fun of her in grade school for being a nerd, even though she was a bit sorry later. But see, the producers had asked her to be bubbly and outrageous, and well, that's what she excelled at.

Rose Christair of West Seattle, perpetual talk-show guest, had a band to promote, dysfunctions to share, and a yen to talk. Quickly. Breathlessly. Endlessly. All she needed was a venue.

And there, on television, were Ricki Lake, Carnie Wilson and Jerry Springer, all with air time to fill. All they needed were bubbly, outrageous guests. So what the heck, Christair offered her dysfunctions, the producers offered her air time, and she was in for her Warholian 15 minutes of fame.

The minutes have stretched to four hours and counting.

A slap, a gasp, a roar

The slap heard 'round the talk-show world came more than a year ago on a segment of "The Ricki Lake Show" titled "Surprise! I Was a Nerd and Now I'm a Knockout." As her former tormentor squirmed in his seat, Christair bounded onto the stage, eyes glowering, long platinum hair flying, and hurled her 5-foot, 1-inch body like a cannonball toward her beleaguered acquaintance. SLAP!

Ricki gasped. The audience roared. A talk-show star was born.

Producers called her to appear on their shows. They paid for her airfare and hotel and gave her a small allowance.

On "Carnie" she wore purple lace lingerie while discussing sibling rivalry.

On Springer's show (topic: large-breasted versus small-breasted women), she pitched sass to the man in the audience who didn't like large-breasted women. ("What kills me is that they put me on a panel of large-breasted women some of whose breasts weren't real!," she says now. "That's why the audience hated us!")

On "The Gordon Elliott Show," she defended her habit of calling a psychic four to six times a day.

"You want someone who's articulate, who can communicate well enough to deliver their story in a very colorful manner," says J. Darlene Hayes, executive producer of "Gabrielle," a new talk show which, so far, has not featured Christair. "You want guests who will make the show click."

"You should show it off"

Christair, 26, is a natural at this business of high-pitched emotional show-and-tell. She opens her front door wearing the same Frederick's of Hollywood nightie she wore on "Carnie," complete with black hotpants and hose, old black combat boots and a bust-enhancing black velvet vest. She exudes the scent of Poison from every pore.

"I usually don't dress this outrageous," she says by way of introduction. "In my day job as a nursing assistant, I dress down. But I believe if God gives you something, you should show it off."

A ceramic bust of Marilyn Monroe - Christair's idol - sits on the living-room coffee table and bottles of Marilyn Monroe wine line her bedroom. Leopard- and zebra-print rugs and throw pillows fill the house. On one wall hang pictures of Christair in full-tilt rock-goddess poses, hair piled high, tops cut low, spandex poured on. On the opposite wall is a framed watercolor of a Victorian lady reading the newspaper while sipping her morning coffee.

"I have many sides," Christair says. "I can be really obnoxious and loud and fearless. I'm also a really intuitive, spiritual person. When I'm in a meditative state, I can hear and see things. That's how I got the name of the band."

The band is Purple-Onna, of which Christair is the lead singer - and lead promoter. Trying to get the band's name out is what first prompted her to call the talk shows, she says.

But so far there haven't been any calls about the music.

"I'm kinda disappointed because the shows won't let her say her band name," says Christair's boyfriend, Eric Kris.

But not to worry. Christair's still game for more talk shows. She hasn't run out of things to say. Not by far.

"I have a lot of ideas for show topics. And I loooove the attention! There are so many things I can talk about," she proclaims with enthusiasm. "I've had a really messed-up life!"