`Fair Game' Not A Model Move For Crawford

----------------------------------------------------------------- Movie review

X "Fair Game," with William Baldwin, Cindy Crawford, Steven Berkoff. Directed by Andrew Sipes, from a screenplay by Charlie Fletcher, based on the novel by Paula Gosling. Bella Bottega 7, Crossroads, Everett 9, Factoria, Grand Cinemas Alderwood, Issaquah 9, Metro, Mountlake 9, Newmark, Oak Tree, Puyallup, SeaTac North, Southcenter. R - profanity, violence. -----------------------------------------------------------------

Now that supermodel Cindy Crawford has made her inevitable debut in a big Hollywood action movie, we can all sincerely wish her a long and successful career. In telemarketing.

OK, I got my Cindy-sniping out of my system. Let's face it - it had to be done. You don't go into a movie like "Fair Game" expecting anything except, perhaps, the faint possibility of having your low expectations moderately surpassed.

Consider it a bit of misguided optimism. Meryl Streep can sleep well tonight, knowing that Crawford won't be challenging her for an Oscar next spring. For that matter, Drew Barrymore has no worries either. And Madonna's stellar film career is safe . . . if the Argentinians don't lynch her for playing Evita Peron.

Meanwhile, "Fair Game" offers Crawford in the role of a lawyer. Her attempted repossession of a rusty old ship has got some ex-KGB assassins mightily ticked off. Seems the ship is their headquarters for a scheme to electronically hijack a billion bucks from a variety of exotic bank accounts, so the head bad guy (Steven Berkoff) sends his hit squad out to dispose of the meddlesome lawyer.

Oh, but wait! Here comes Miami detective Max Kirkpatrick (William Baldwin), pistols blazing and ready for anything. He just got dumped by his hot-tempered girlfriend, so it's a good time to do some gorgeous-lawyer rescuing. See Max go. Go, Max, go.

There's about 10 minutes of plot in this 90-minute movie, and the rest is devoted to ridiculous action, with Billy and Cindy doing the buff-star thing.

It's amazing how "Fair Game" manages to limit Crawford to a wardrobe of clinging T-shirts, tank-tops and jeans - just what lawyers wear. Oh, sure, she has one scene in full lawyer regalia (that's "Courtroom Cindy" in doll terms), but for all of the demands it places on Crawford's inability to act, "Fair Game" might just as well be another segment of Crawford's innocuous "House of Style" show on MTV. No doubt that a flash of topless Cindy will have Neanderthals racing for their freeze-framer when "Fair Game" goes to video.

A proven commodity in the glamour biz, Crawford's a blank as an actress here. All she has to do is look great. No matter what happens to her - explosions, narrow escapes, leaps into water - she looks ready for a photo shoot.

The pity is that nobody thought of the opposite approach - to give Crawford something to do besides be herself. The real criminals here are hack director Andrew Sipes (a Yale grad with a TV writing background) and a lame script that reaches the peak of its wit when Crawford's character teases a computer nerd with snappy lines like, "I was hoping to demo your unit." This after the panting hacker says something about "fiddling with my joystick."

Baldwin's last line in "Fair Game" is "How do I get out of it?" If you're smart, you'll ask yourself the same question long before he says it.