Afternoon Tea Isn't Usually A Guy's Thing

It's a girl thing.

A girlfriend kind of, girl-talk kind of thing.

And sometimes a mother and daughter thing, or a grandma-and-granddaughter-in-a-fluffy dress kind of thing.

But it's just not a guy thing.

Not afternoon tea

"Well, once in a while we see a man in here," says Mary Greengo, owner of Queen Mary, the Ravenna tea room heavy on the flowered curtains and froufrou.

Exceptions, sure. But not the rule.

Now just north of us, in Victoria, B.C., mecca of afternoon tea lovers, it's a different story. Being English sorts, everybody does tea there, just as people here do coffee. No gender vibrations. Even tourist guys can get in the swing, 'cause they feel like they're just doing the tourist thing, not the woman thing.

(Although there was the Portland newlywed recently at the Butchart Gardens dining room, trying vainly to enjoy his little tea sandwiches while his new wife waxed ecstatic. He looked dubious. "I'm just not used to this snic-of-this, snic-of-that," he said forlornly.)

In Victoria, you have your choice along the feminine continuum - from frilly-fem-tea-places (The Windsor Tea Room, lots of dried flowers and parasols), semi-fem-tea places, where a guy might feel in female territory but not too-too (The Empress, with stuffed sofas and silver tea service), and summery sort of places like Point Ellice House (garden setting, white wicker chairs), where you feel languorous, even sensuous, but mostly androgynous.

Geared for women

But in Seattle, afternoon-tea places make that old show tune, "I Enjoy Being a Girl" from "Flower Drum Song," perversely play through my head - the one where Nancy Kwan was "strictly a female female." ("I flip when the fellas send me flowers, I drool over dresses made of lace, I talk on the telephone for hours, with a pound and half of cream upon my face. . . .")

Oh, sorry, couldn't help it. But seriously, now. Such retro ideas about femininity aside, tea rooms here definitely gear to the sisterhood.

Personally, I never think going to tea with anyone but mom or girlfriends. We can nibble and sip (and talk life, love, death) for hours. Sure, I could drag my husband, but what would be the point? I know he'd just be fantasizing about barbecue.

But to experiment, I took a guy friend who will eat anything if someone else is paying. He's fun like a girlfriend - he people watches, for instance - but he's got stellar testosterone credentials (never talks about his feelings and once referred to ballet as "I'm not a tutu and leotard kind of guy").

We went to the Garden Court at the Four Seasons Olympic, not even one of the more seriously female places. Though the flowered china and three-tier china server are dainty, the Garden Court can almost swing both ways (i.e., should be comfortable enough guy territory if the guy is even remotely in touch with his yin).

His reaction: "The tea was lu-u-vely," he said with a roll of the eyes. "But the cream wasn't clotted. And I still think that Clint Eastwood is a sellout for making that sappy `Bridges of Madison County.' "

Seattle spots

When the guys are out of the way, my favorites for the ultimate unabashedly "feminine" tea experience are: The Wellington in Columbia City and the Queen Mary in Ravenna, with the Garden Court still the best place for girlfriends taking a break from downtown shopping (or for those with low tolerance for the frillies).

The Wellington serves wonderful ginger-peach tea properly steeped, with lovely china, room filled with Victorian. Too bad they had to discontinue the beautiful heavy silverware, because people were ripping them off. ($10 for the full high tea, including scones, tea sandwiches, pastries and tea breads, and "a proper pot of tea," lesser amounts for smaller teas).

The Queen Mary in Ravenna has an even more intimate feel, though a bit precious (bathroom's full of teddy bears), but perfect for those confiding talks. Also beautiful china and silver service, flowers, rattan furniture, and lady lunches like tasty chicken salad and quiche ($14 for high tea, including fruit sorbets, miniature scones, crumpets, tea sandwiches, sweets and fruit).

The Garden Court gets points for its elegant setting - settees, armchairs - tea cozies over two china pots, one for hot water, one for tea, and silver service, though for $13.75 the high-tea portions - tea sandwiches, sweets and scone - are as dainty as the chinaware.

I must say, though, there is a void still be to be filled. I first began investigating tea places when my Feminist Book Club was looking for a new venue for our annual Christmas tea, after the demise of the our traditional haunt, the venerable tea room at Frederick & Nelson. There, the silver was heavy and gleaming, the comforting weight of tradition equally heavy, and the aura suitably ladylike.

It was a place we could wear our befeathered and veiled hats with aplomb, and look like we belonged.

There's still room in Seattle for someone to create that kind of refined, dignified tearoom of our own.

La de da.

---------------- WHERE THE TEA IS ----------------

Addresses for the tea rooms and hours for tea (all have longer hours and serve other meals beside tea):

-- Four Seasons Olympic Hotel's Garden Court, 411 University St., (621-1700). High afternoon tea offered from 3 to 5 p.m. Monday through Saturday, and 3:30 to 5 p.m. Sunday.-- Queen Mary, 2912 N.E. 55th St., (527-2770). Tea served 2 to 5 p.m. daily.

-- The Wellington, 4869 Rainier Ave. S., (722-8571). Tea served Tuesday to Friday, noon to 7 p.m., Saturday 11-6 p.m., Sunday by reservation only.