Mormons Promote Family

AT A TIME when many families consider having dinner together a rare treat, the Mormon Church encourages members to hold a family home evening every Monday.

It is shortly before 7 o'clock on a stunning Northwest evening, but not even the lure of the bright outdoors can scatter the Beck family tonight.

The Becks have gathered in the living room of their White Center house for family home evening, a Monday night tradition among members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, commonly known as the Mormon Church.

As the top of the hour arrives, the Becks begin to sing, first "I Believe In Being Honest," then "Keep the Commandments."

Son Jeffrey, 9, leads the family in an opening prayer. Then Tauni Beck, mother of this cheerful brood of youngsters, begins the evening's lesson: on honesty.

Time passes so quickly and with such fun that one hardly realizes it is now close to 8 p.m. After a closing prayer by daughter Heidi, 7, the family breaks for juice and cupcakes.

In an age when many families may not even sit down together for dinner anymore, the Mormon Church's family home evening stands out in marked contrast.

"It is a great concept. Even if I have problems with some Mormon theology, the principle behind the family home evening is right on," said Randy Hicks, associate director of the Washington Family Council, a Christian-based research and education organization dedicated to strengthening families in Washington state.

Mormon leaders attribute a good share of the church's attraction and growth to its support for the family.

"People are looking for answers. `How do I raise my children?' " said James Perry, president of the Seattle Stake, a geographical area stretching from South Seattle to Tukwila-SeaTac and Vashon Island to Renton.

From its pioneer beginnings when a handful of Mormon missionaries arrived in Washington Territory in the 1850s, the Mormon Church has grown to 209,000 members in more than 430 wards, or congregations, statewide. (A group of wards makes up a stake.) That's up from 138,000 members only 15 years ago. It is the state's second largest church group, behind the Roman Catholic Church.

Family home evening is one of a number of efforts the Mormon Church has initiated to build strong families.

The idea is simple. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints schedules no church activities on Monday evenings. Families are encouraged to spend the time together, ahead of any other priorities.

If the weather is good, some families may play outside together. Or they may gather at home to pray, sing, read from the Old and New Testaments and the Book of Mormon, study, and have refreshments.

"The purpose of family home evening is not only to teach values and principles, but to have a designated time that is almost sacred as far as the family is concerned," said Dot Boyack, a church member from the Issaquah area. She and her husband, Wayne, an attorney, have been holding family home evenings since before their children were born.

"I've really enjoyed it. With such a big family as we have, sometimes you might not get a chance during the week to do something with everyone," said David Boyack, 23, a student at Brigham Young University. Home for the summer, he is one of the Boyacks' eight children.

How an evening might unfold can be seen in the recent Monday night gathering at the home of Brent and Tauni Beck in White Center. Brent Beck is a pilot for Alaska Airlines.

The evening's theme was honesty and the lesson began with Tauni Beck asking her five children - Loni, 13; B.J. (Brent Jacob), 11; Harrison, 2 1/2; Jeffrey and Heidi - and a nephew, Mike Beck, 18, visiting from California, what the Ten Commandments said about honesty. The children keyed on the commandments against stealing and bearing false witness, or lying.

Tauni Beck told the story about a boy named Tommy who ate some chocolate chips behind his mother's back, then blamed his little brother for the missing chips. Having gotten away with one lie, he next lied about being late to class from recess. He told his teacher he had been trying to retrieve some marbles that had rolled into a ditch. He actually had gone to the store against school rules.

"When we lie, we get tangled in a web. . . .People sometimes get into the bad habit of telling so many lies they can't tell the truth from a lie," she said. Her son Harrison put magnetized hairy legs next to a furry "lie monster" face on the back of a metal tray to show Tommy's growing set of lies. Later the children munched on cupcakes topped with "lie monsters" made of gumdrop bodies and licorice legs.

"Our kids really like family home evening. I work hard to make it fun. It has been a priority over the years," said Beck. She said her own parents had made family home evening a priority for her and her two sisters.

Even if families are grappling with interpersonal conflicts, they are encouraged to set aside time for themselves once a week, said Robert Haynie, bishop of Seattle's First Ward, the oldest Mormon congregation in the state. It extends from south of downtown Seattle to Queen Anne, Magnolia and part of Ballard.

The weekly encounters can help overcome and heal such conflicts, said Haynie. Kneeling together in prayer has a "leveling, humbling, equalizing effect. . . . It just has a miraculous effect on children," he said.

For those families that need professional intervention, the church has a Latter-day Saints Social Services office in Renton that is staffed by family and marriage counselors.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints describes the family as "the most important unit in time and eternity." Mormons hold that marriages solemnized in one of the church's holy temples will continue in heaven if the couples remain righteous.

It is on such points of theology that the Mormon Church, which considers itself Christian, and mainline and evangelical churches differ.

The Rev. Earl Palmer, senior pastor of University Presbyterian Church in Seattle, said that while mainline and evangelical Christians believe people are transformed in heaven, it is not clear what they become. "That is a grand mystery," he said. He said he did not believe they attain godhood, as Mormons believe.

While noting their theological differences, local pastors praised the Mormon Church's family-building efforts. The strong emphasis on family is "a wonderful witness of the Mormons," said Palmer.

The benefits appear to be incalculable. At a recent family home evening, the Boyacks and those of their children at home this summer - David; Katie, 20, a sophomore at the University of Utah; John, 17, and Sally Anne, 15, both students at Issaquah High School - happily took turns leading the singing, Scripture reading, lesson and prayer, a mosaic of family unity.

No matter what might have happened the previous week, noted David Boyack, when the family gathers on Monday evenings or any other time of the week all anger and conflict dissipate. The family is reminded once again what really is important, he said.

-----------------------------------------------------. Hinckley to speak. Gordon Hinckley, president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, is to speak at a regional church conference in the Tacoma Dome from 9 to 11 a.m. Sunday, Aug. 20. Some 16,000 leaders and members from the Puget Sound are expected to attend. The event is free and open to the public, said Dana Kehr, the church's Tacoma regional director of public affairs.