Tree No Match For Pga's `Walrus'

Craig Stadler finally got his revenge.

With a few swipes of a chain saw yesterday, the pro golfer known as the Walrus helped cut down the infamous tree at Torrey Pines Golf Course in San Diego that contributed to his disqualification from the Andy Williams Open in 1987.

It happened during the third round, when Stadler hit a 14th-hole tee shot that nestled next to a Leyland cypress. With a low branch impeding a regular swing, Stadler hit the ensuing shot from his knees and used a towel to protect his pants from the wet grass.

TV viewers flooded the press room with phone calls, saying Stadler had violated a rule by "building a stance." He subsequently was disqualified for not assessing the two-stroke penalty.

So when Tom Wilson, a member of the tournament organizing committee, heard the tree was dying from a fungus, he asked Stadler to do the honors. Stadler agreed.

"It's been eight years," he said. "It's time to put it to rest."

Punch lines

Referring to the confrontation last week between Chili Davis of the California Angels and a fan in Milwaukee, comedian David Letterman tossed out a top-10 list of "Chili Davis' complaints about the fans," including these:

-- "Don't understand the pressure of making $18,000 per at-bat."

-- "After you finish bloodying their nose, they almost never share their nachos with you."

-- "Think only New York players can act like jerks."

-- "Can't take a punch."

Didn't wear blue

Miami Dolphin linebacker Bryan Cox has been called a lot of things by opponents he has taunted. Now, the organizers of a national slow-pitch softball tournament have added the word "ringer."

The East St. Louis (Ill.) Magnums softball team is accused of using phony police ID cards signed by a local police chief to sneak civilian ballplayers onto the team during a police-only tournament earlier this summer in Dayton, Ohio.

Now the team has been banned from a national tournament, and tourney officials say one of the civilians who played in Dayton was Cox.

They said it

-- Jim Lambright, Washington coach, on what Alabama faces while playing under an NCAA ban on postseason football play: "The hard thing is, `OK, now we lose.' When you lose one and lose two, with nothing at the end of the season to hold on to, then it becomes harder and harder and harder to refocus the way you should."

-- The late Bear Bryant, when he took over as Alabama football coach in 1958: "Our game plan is first year, a .500 season. Second year, a conference championship. Third year, undefeated. Fourth, a national championship. And by the fifth year, we'll be on probation, of course."

-- Jose Cardenal, coach, St. Louis Cardinals: "You tell these guys what to do and they do the opposite. This is a hard team to teach."

-- Ray Lankford, St. Louis outfielder: "We play, but we don't think."

-- Brian Jordan, a fellow Cardinal outfielder who is thinking about a return to the NFL: "We stink, that's the bottom line, and it's frustrating. I'm losing my edge for this game. It makes me want to retire."

-- Ted Turner, media mogul and owner of the Atlanta Braves and Atlanta Hawks: "If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect."

He wrote it

-- Gary Shelton, St. Petersburg Times: "I know why baseball owners want to shorten games by a half-hour. But don't they realize that's going to give the Mets more time on the streets?"

Compiled by Chuck Ashmun, Seattle Times