Men's Convention To Draw 64,000 To The Kingdome -- Sold-Out Promise Keepers Event Shows Strength Of New Movement

More men are expected to jam the Kingdome next weekend than have ever gathered in one sitting for a Seahawks football, Mariner baseball or Sonics basketball game - even more than for an NCAA Final Four basketball championship.

The event promises to eclipse tractor pulls and car shows in its male-drawing power.

But what a difference. As Newsweek once described it, the Gospel of Guyhood is coming to town.

Some 64,000 men, mainly from the Pacific Northwest, have signed up for a convention of the national Promise Keepers movement Friday and Saturday in the Kingdome. With most tickets at $55 a head, the evangelical Christian men's event sold out May 31, even though there was little advertising beyond local Christian radio stations.

Promise Keepers is holding its first Seattle rally amid accolades by supporters that the Christ-centered ministry helps men become better husbands, fathers and community leaders - "godly influences in their world," as Promise Keepers puts it.

Its detractors claim that all Promise Keepers promises is to return men to their "rightful place" as heads of households and the superiors of women. Not a few critics assert the organization is anti-gay.

Local Promise Keepers supporters say the Christian men's movement has helped men become more sensitive to others. "We don't tell men to go home and start demanding rights. We say go home and start loving your wife as Christ loved the church," and earn the

right to lead through "love and trust and integrity," said Daniel Erickson, regional manager of Promise Keepers.

Healing wounded spirits

Both in and out of the religious world, trouble has been brewing for men for years.

Portrayed as emotionally retarded in divorce papers and cold and absent in their children's memoirs, the butt of a host of "man jokes", men have been spending time on the therapist's couch, joining "fathers' rights" groups and flocking to the woods to become warriors in attempts to heal their wounded spirits.

Promise Keepers found growing numbers of men on more familiar and comfortable turf - literally. A football coach, University of Colorado's Bill McCartney (who retired from coaching after last season), got the inspiration for the organization in 1990. The men's conferences began in a sports arena, and continue to take place in stadiums.

From an initial gathering of 4,200 men in the University of Colorado basketball arena in 1991, the Promise Keepers movement has exploded. Last year, it drew close to 280,000 men to seven sites, including Portland's Civic Stadium. It has filled the Silverdome in Pontiac, Mich., Los Angeles Coliseum, RFK Stadium in Washington, D.C., and Mile High Stadium in Denver this year.

In all, 13 Promise Keepers conferences are scheduled this year, with a total expected attendance of 700,000 to 800,000. After expenses, what's left of the $3.4 million collected from the Seattle rally will go to support Promise Keepers' national budget, now about $64 million.

If the Seattle event follows form, the Kingdome will be filled with singing, cheering, inspirational speaking, maybe a beach ball or two tossed up the aisles, and probably a lot of quivering lower lips.

"It's pretty overwhelming when you see 50,000 men standing up and witnessing or just pledging their allegiance to God, not afraid to sing, not afraid to cry," said Jerry Neill, a member of Esperance Baptist Church in Edmonds. Neill was part of a Promise Keepers crowd that packed the University of Colorado football stadium in 1993.

Promise Keepers has focused on seven commitments, from honoring Christ and forging relationships with other men to practicing spiritual, moral, ethical and sexual purity and building strong marriages and families through "love, protection and biblical values."

Men going backward?

For some, however, Promise Keepers' strong emphasis on biblical values is a red flag.

" `Biblical values' is code for "We're losing our power and we don't like it,' " said the Rev. Barbara Wells, pastor of the Woodinville Unitarian Universalist Church. "So much of what's happening in the Christian right is reactive. Instead of working together for a better future, it's saying, `Let's go back.' "

Even critics of the Promise Keepers say they can understand why men wouldn't be happy with their current state.

For the past 30 years, the thrust of popular culture "has been on elevating women and degrading men," said Michael Gurian, a Spokane therapist and author of mythology-based men's books. Men are sick of it, said Gurian, who leads his own men's group. So it's appealing when Tony Evans, co-author of "Seven Promises of a Promise Keeper," tells them: "I'm not suggesting that you ask for your role back; I'm urging that you take it back."

But that attitude, Gurian said, is socially regressive - "a throwback."

Gurian said he's also deeply troubled by Promise Keepers' anti-gay reputation, which traces back to McCartney, who, before founding Promise Keepers, spoke often against homosexuality, and to the Promise Keepers' major pipeline, the conservative evangelical community, which holds the practice of homosexuality to be contrary to Scripture.

Even Promise Keepers' critics, however, say there is something compelling about men struggling to answer the question, "Who am I?"

Men have a "spirit hunger," said Gurian, caused by a lack of religion, meaningless work, and a need for deep connections with other men.

So while he has differences with Promise Keepers, Gurian acknowledged, "They're getting 50,000 men in a stadium not because they're anti-gay or anti-choice, but because men are hungry to know themselves as spiritual creatures, to be supported as men, to get help in defining a sacred male role, and to celebrate their religious faith."

It hasn't escaped local ministers that Promise Keepers also pledge to give "time and resources" to their home churches.

Some, such as the Rev. Susan O'Shea, an Episcopal priest who ministers to mostly homeless men at the Martha and Mary Parish in the Pike Place Market, take a pragmatic view.

More-liberal mainline churches could focus on their differences and distance themselves completely from Promise Keepers. Or they could join the "party" and offer their own vision of Christianity, she said.

"I don't understand how a Christian can be anti- any group of human beings," she said. If there's a conversation at the Kingdome against gays, "that may have to be a part of the party we'll have to stay out of."

Local Promise Keepers organizers say the Kingdome party won't isolate anyone. One of the seven commitments of Promise Keepers is to go beyond racial and denominational barriers to show the "power of biblical unity."

McCartney will be there, said regional manager Erickson. The Rev. Bob Moorehead of Overlake Christian Church in Kirkland will be among the opening speakers. The Rev. E.V. Hill of Mount Zion Missionary Baptist Church in Los Angeles and Bill Bright, president of Campus Crusade for Christ, also will speak.

And then the real work will begin.

"We are more than the `big event.' We are looking long term," said Doug Engberg, Washington state manager for Promise Keepers. That means forming men's ministries in local churches to help men stay accountable to their promises.

At Esperance Baptist Church in Edmonds, small groups of men already are meeting often for prayer, study, support and intimate conversation.

Wendy Neill, whose husband, Jerry Neill, participates in the Esperance groups, speaks glowingly of Promise Keepers. Her husband, a retired naval officer and businessman, was a bit of a loner before he got involved in the group, she said.

"Now I see him forming strong family relationships with other men, as well as with me. That has really made a difference in his life."

More open-minded

The Rev. Bob Chin, pastor of Chinese Baptist Church on Beacon Hill, said Promise Keepers has changed him, too. Before, he was apt to end a discussion with his family by declaring there was no debate, he had made up his mind. Now he listens.

Nancy Ramey says she believes Promise Keepers has helped her husband, Bob Ramey, an engineer, bond with other men, express his feelings and be a better husband and father.

But she does worry a bit that Promise Keepers might be pushing a political agenda, one that is maybe "too conservative, too judgmental."

About a year ago, she left Esperance Baptist Church, where Bob Ramey still goes, to join Edmonds United Methodist Church, where she feels more comfortable trying to sort out her beliefs on such matters as homosexuality and abortion.

Her husband supported her move to the new church, she said, even though it was difficult for him. "I think that's him being strong. I think that's him looking at me as an equal and respecting me.

"I don't understand the criticism (of Promise Keepers) that guys will come home and do the big macho thing. I think it teaches more respect for wives and children."

Promise Keepers, Erickson said, is seeking to be moral, not political.

At the Kingdome, homosexuality and abortion will not be speech topics. They are better discussed at the local church level, he said.

If a gay man or a non-Christian attends the event, they'll be welcomed, as will adulterers, cheaters or drug addicts, he said.

If they choose to answer the altar call to accept Christ as their personal savior, workers will be on hand to help them with any questions, problems or struggles, Erickson said.

Besides counseling, the convention will feature inspirational talks, meals, fellowship, and information booths with videos and reference materials on men's issues.

Will Promise Keepers be worth the time and money? Will men become better husbands and fathers?

Chin pulled out a poem and offered its words as the measure of manly success; it isn't found in a fancy home or car, or money.

"It is the way your son describes you/when he's talking to a friend."