Coping With Resentment From Laid-Off Co-Workers

Q: I am an employee at Boeing who is one of "lucky ones" who has not been laid off yet.

Every day I have to deal with resentment from co-workers who are soon to be unemployed, an increased workload and the ambiguity that my job may be cut in the future.

I don't know what to say to people who have been laid off. It's obvious that some people are not being effective, but some really good employees are also being let go. Any advice?

A: We like to believe that bad things only happen to bad people. When an extensive layoff occurs, we are comforted if we believe that it only happened to those who deserved to be laid off. In the real world, bad things do happen to good people and that means it can happen to us.

In the old days, employees believed organizations were benevolent parents who would always take care of them. Employees gave loyalty and hard work and organizations gave job security and gold watches. The business world doesn't work that way anymore.

Today, no matter where you are employed, it is critical you see yourself as an entrepreneur. The most psychologically damaging aspect of a layoff is the sense of powerlessness and helplessness. By seeing yourself as an entrepreneur, you see Boeing as your current client. You don't expect Boeing will employ you until death.

Keep your resume current, your business network strong and your skills tuned up.

The second-most damaging feeling during a layoff is uncertainty. People who experience the most stress during a layoff are people who are uncertain about their future. These people actually score higher on stress than the people who know they no longer have jobs.

You can't predict your future at Boeing with certainty, but you can be aware that the ambiguity is going to be stressful. You can also try to create stability in other areas of your life and create job options so you know with certainty that you can get another job.

When your co-workers treat you with resentment, remember being laid off or fired is like being sent to the organizational graveyard. Organizations don't know how to handle grief and don't hold funerals for people who leave. Most companies try to pretend it isn't happening.

Be willing to talk to your co-workers about your discomfort and about not knowing what to say. If you talk to people who have had someone die, they will tell you that the most comforting words they heard were, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say." Keep me posted on how you're doing with this stressful organizational change.

Q: Recently you responded to a manager who suspected one of his/her employees might have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). I wanted to thank you for your insightful and accurate advice. I'm a coordinator for the volunteer organization CH.A.D.D. (children and adults with attention deficit disorders). I speak with almost 500 people a year about ADD and about 25 percent of these calls are adults with ADD. Many adults face uninformed employers who only see them as performance problems instead of adults with a treatable disability. Thanks for giving information to help increase the awareness about ADD.

A: Thanks for your letter. Getting the word out about ADD is difficult because our modern society encourages adults to avoid responsibility. The 1990s has been the decade for the syndrome. It appears everyone who does something wrong can explain it by a bad childhood, justifiable cause, insanity or another reason.

Unfortunately, people who are trying to change and do take responsibility can sometimes be lumped into this "syndrome" category. When people with ADD don't have information, they do assume they must be bad, sick or stupid.

As I said in my May 1 column, having the disability doesn't mean you evade responsibility for ineffective work performance, it means you acknowledge the problem and immediately get help.

For managers, employing an ADD worker doesn't mean you don't hold them accountable, it does mean you encourage them to get the help they need.

If any readers are interested in following up with CH.A.D.D., their telephone number is (206) 778-8199 in Bothell.

Daneen Skube, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist and corporate communication expert based in Bellevue. Readers can write to Skube in care of No. 2845, 1420 N.W. Gilman Blvd., Issaquah, WA 98027-7001. Fax: 382-8879. Include a daytime phone number.