A Running Tale -- Pantyhose Stories Reflect Real Wear And Terror, By Any Stretch Of The Imagination

"I've had them sag, bag, creep, roll, wrinkle, bind, droop, twist, stretch, snag, pill, run up, run down. I've had maximum toe blowout. . .both feet at the same time. I've had them rip and shred in amazing ways, with little provocation. I've experienced that sinking, creepy feeling as the crotch of my pantyhose stretches down towards my knees. Here is a reason the `men's wear' look is popular and why pantsuits are back in style. Women don't have to worry about wearing pantyhose and experiencing that sheer (!) terror of knowing the crotch of the pantyhose will soon be showing beneath the hem of that miniskirt." - Jinks Snow, North Bend

"Years ago I heard the same people make parachutes and pantyhose. If they can make 'chutes that save lives, why the heck can't they make hose that don't run?" - Ezraella (Ezzie) Bassera, Anchorage, Alaska

"When I worked for the express division of Becker Trucking I used a pair of pantyhose as a substitute for a fan belt and managed to get home. The company mechanic laughed his head off." - Kris Kurran, Kent

"I get longer life from my pantyhose by cutting a strip of moleskin and placing it over the top of my big toe and wrapping over to the underside. No matter how well I trim my toenails, I find the most stress on the stocking to be the offending big toe." - Nelda J. Zaballos, Seattle

"Hose that have been frozen don't run even if they get big ugly holes. They have to be frozen for two or three months for this to work. Of course this begs the question about putting on hose right out of the freezer when you get caught short. . . . They're a little cool, but not bad." - Susan Broom, Fall City

"I wear one pair of Hanes Round-the-Clock (not sheer) for months at a time. I always wear them over cotton underpants, making washing the hose unnecessary. The secret is you never, ever get the hose wet. How simple it is." - Marcy O'Francia, Kirkland

"I get best results with J.C. Penney's Sheer Caress hosiery. I read the package carefully on sizing and wash after using, and sometimes can get a month of usage." - Jeannette Higgs, Redmond

"The size charts on the back seem to have no relationship to the hose in the package." - Caroline Perrault, Ballard

"I usually buy Donna Karan tights. There is no run problem and no crotch crawl. If you do get a hole or run, dot on Joan's Tones Plexi 400 (a craft store gluing product). You can put glitter dots or flowers over runs." - Jean Psmith, West Seattle

"I'm not a user. I'm a male but not a cross dresser. I don't think you ladies should put up with it. Why bother? This is a new age, ladies, quit buying and using pantyhose and quit complaining." - Anonymous caller

"I dig horse clams and stuff them in my wife's old hose and use it for crab bait." - Jack Stilbert, Port Townsend

"Used to wear my wife's old ones under my rubber wet suit to make it slide on easier. There is a pair tied over the dryer vent to keep lint from blowing into the yard. Use a pair in the funnel to filter water for my boat at strange marinas. Use to filter paint around the house." - J.C. Rookhuyzen, Bothell

"Oy. If they can invent fat-free chocolate fudge and heat tiles that withstand the temperatures of friction upon re-entering the atmosphere in a big old shuttle, surely they can invent hose that lasts for more than one wearing.

"I say let's go back to drawing a line up the back of each leg with eyebrow pencil to simulate the wearing of fancy hosiery, as I hear women did during World War II when nylons were not available. 'Til then, I'll stay in chinos." - Christina Wilsdon, Seattle

"The only stores I have found that will take a return for a defective pair of pantyhose are the major department stores. And then you have to bring in all the packaging and receipts." - Mia Carper, Seattle

"In Europe and Canada you can buy 20, 30 or 40 denier pantyhose, which means you can wear and wash them for months, which is the way it should be!" - Wilhelmina v.d. Meer, Tacoma

"Frankly there ought to be a law banning them as unhealthful for women, especially in hot climates. The only way to extend the life of pantyhose is not to wear them at all, or have women manufacture them." - Elinor Nelson, Bellevue

"If I try to double up and wear two pairs (when one leg of each pair has a run) I feel like I'm wearing a chastity belt." - Antonette Vernon, Queen Anne

"I tie a wad of pantyhose in a pillow case to wash in the machine and they come out fine. In those net bags they seem to snag." - Kathy Clark, North Seattle

"What is all this fuss about pantyhose? Since graduating from college in 1977 I have `test-driven' many, many brands and have come up with a winner. Being only five feet tall with a size four shoe, I cannot wear most styles and brands. I finally found a stocking with all the features I like, that wears forever and isn't too expensive: Nordstrom Brand Style 92; Lycra sheer leg and control top. They come in a zillion colors and are featured in each year's anniversary sale." - Monica Howard, Seattle

"The case of the missing pantyhose: I was scheduled to speak on an empty stage in front of 150 people. As I was dressing at home, I discovered I had a large `ladder' run in my only pair of hose. I was running late but stopped at a drug store, ran in and purchased a pair of L'Eggs. When I got to the hotel, I went into the ladies' room and opened up the sealed white egg-shaped container and was shocked to find it empty! Nothing! I conducted the seminar and never varied my straight-forward position. When I moved it was in tiny steps as if my legs were glued together to prevent revealing the large run. The drug store was sympathetic and refunded my money. They said a customer could have been shoplifiting, but I'm sure it happened in the factory." - Jan D'Arcy, Bellevue