Fabio Shows You Can Tell Book By Its Cover

For avid readers, few things are more exciting than the discovery of brand-new, untapped literary talent.

That is why you may be particularly excited to hear about "Pirate," the debut novel from the Italian megahunk model Fabio Lanzoni.

Fabio is pretty hard to avoid these days. He glowers forth from the cover of People magazine and from the covers of an estimated 55 million romance novels.

One look at those rippling pectoral muscles and you know that Fabio is probably a literary kind of guy. His publisher, Avon Books, is doubtless driven by the irresistible logic that anyone who has appeared on that many romance-novel covers is well-equipped to write one. And so his Fabio's novel, "Pirate," is now gazing at you from supermarket shelves everywhere, with Fabio himself on the cover - stripped to the waist, sashed and earringed and clinging in a manly way to the rigging.

Shiver me timbers! Yo ho ho, and a bottle of Chianti!

For Fabio is an Italian pirate, one forced to roam the seas to avenge the honor of his family against the Spanish Inquisition. One day, while swashbuckling, he rescues the nubile and noble Christina, who, at 12, is impressed by the way "the wind rippled his Turkish trousers against his hard thigh muscles," and they are off to the pirate's island. She is too young for him, but she will grow up. By page 59, in fact. Plot suspiciously familiar

Alert romance readers will recognize this at once as Plot 47a,

the "delay" variation on well-worn Plot 47, in which the pirate captures the maiden and (after her token resistance) they carry on like minks for 394 pages.

Alert readers also will guess pretty promptly that since Fabio does not so terrific the English speak, this book was probably written by someone else. The publishers work rather carefully around this matter, telling you the book was "developed by Fabio" and written "in collaboration" with romance author Eugenia Riley.

And indeed, it is indistinguishable from the vast shoals of Plot 47a pirate romances, except that the hero is given to uttering "Dio!" and "Dio mio!" whenever surprised or aroused, several times per chapter.

But all the same, this is a book like no other. What other romance novel carries the bold dedication, "For you alone"? What other novel has a color centerfold of Fabio himself, hoisting his massive deltoids out of the pounding surf, with a questing expression in his eyes ("How much is that royalty check in lire?")?

More than books for sale

We are talking about quite a phenomenon here. Fabio has a 900 number for those who want to hear "his innermost views on love," and a fan club (Fabio International, P.O. Box 65179, San Antonio, Texas 78265-5179). He was chosen Cosmopolitan magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive," and his 1993 calendar outsold those of Cindy Crawford and Claudia Schiffer.

He has parlayed the muscles, the flowing blond locks and the features invariably described as "chiseled" into an imposing male-starlet career, with small roles in "Death Becomes Her," "Exorcist III" and "Scenes From a Mall," not to mention television.

Fabio is spokesman for a line of fragrances (which is bringing him to downtown and Southcenter Bon Marche stores Dec. 10), for the American Cancer Society, and for the feminist cause: His personal memo to readers of B.Dalton's "Heart to Heart" newsletter pledges, "You can be assured I will continue to do all I can to popularize the romance genre and recognize the contributions of women to our society."

So far, Fabio's main contribution to feminism appears to be his status as a male sex object: Can this be revenge for generations of Playboy centerfolds posted in the workplace?

Of course, there is nothing new about the idea of male sex objects. Middle-aged readers with good memories will recall the days of the pop singer Fabian, a similarly named hunk of far more modest proportions and equally modest artistic talent. Critics who whined about Fabian's inadequate voice, as he smirked his way through "Turn Me Loose" on Dick Clark's "American Bandstand," were missing the point. Fabian's job was to look pretty.

Our writer hero Fabio is considerably more energetic. You never saw Fabian producing exercise and self-help videos, marketing books or starring in calendars. And there is more, much more, to come. Watch for a second and a third Fabio romance novel in May and November of next year, and hold your breath for the 1995 Fabio calendar: He may be so busy "writing" that he has no time to pump iron.

Melinda Bargreen's column appears Sundays in the Arts & Entertainment section.