It's Time To Groan To The Music . . .
They're stuffed under the bed or stashed away in a musty closet.
Some just feel the hideous things are not worthy to be near their "regular" music collection. But some do.
Last month, we asked for the record you wouldn't want the world to know you have, the most embarrassing piece of music in your library.
And you responded.
Some wrote letters suggesting not just one stupid song, but pages full of them. Others couldn't decide on individual cuts, so they listed entire albums, such as:
-- "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road."
-- "Disco Tex and His Sex-O-Lettes Review."
-- "Lisa Yodels."
While growing up, Teresa Horstman, of Renton, fawned over heartthrobs Tony Orlando and William Shatner. But her true love was David Cassidy of The Partridge Family.
Now 30, she hides the album "The Partridge Family Sound Magazine," with the song "I Woke Up in Love This Morning," in a closet.
"It just doesn't impress guys on dates," she said.
Why does she keep it?
"I'm a hopeless sentimentalist. Most other mementos I've gotten rid of over the years, except this," she said. "I could be in a bad mood and put on an old album, and it makes me feel better."
At age 8, while growing up in Columbus, Ohio, Horstman and five friends held slumber parties on Friday nights.
They'd order pizza, listen to Cassidy's records - and watch the latest episode of "The Partridge Family."
"I want to always remember what it felt like when the most important thing in the world was the length of David's hair," she said.
One reader is embarrassed not because of the song, but by what she did with it.
Ten years ago at Western Washington University, Sandra Rengstorff and her friends performed The Supremes' "Stop in the Name of Love" in a dorm lip-synch contest.
They found a copy of "The Supremes: Live at the Coconut Grove" for 50 cents, bought red polyester dresses, silver shoes and wigs at Goodwill - and then added an extra Supreme.
"I was Diana (Ross)," said Rengstorff, now a 31-year-old Auburn resident in marketing sales. "A hundred people watched. People had to leave the room. They were laughing so hard they were crying."
Did they portray The Supremes realistically?
"Other than the fact that we're all white," she said.
So what song won our reader survey? Unfortunately, for you tabulators, no one "tune" - we use the term loosely - grabbed the most votes. So we thought we'd let you see a sampling. Here are excerpts from just a few of the letters we received:
Gidget goes lyrical
My brother and I used to watch TV all day on Saturdays. The movies we loved the absolute best were the early Gidget movies. Our favorite is the original, with Sandra Dee and James Darren.
The song is "Gidget." One day at work I called my friend because I had forgotten a verse of the lyrics. He happily sang the entire song to me, and to his amused co-workers. As he sang, I typed the words. I will keep those words with me forever. - Wendy Curtis, Seattle
It sounds like a lunatic
"Paralyzed" almost defies description. It sounds like some lunatic screaming and mumbling the word "paralyzed," while attempting to blow a trumpet and play drums at the same time.
It was by the Legendary Stardust Cowboy - Norman Odam of Lubbock, Texas.
I first heard "Paralyzed" on a Hawaiian radio station in the mid-'70s. The DJ would take it off the air when more than three callers phoned in complaining about it. - Bob Jones, Everett
Digging `Disco Duck'
I own an original 45-rpm copy of "Disco Duck" by Rick Dees. I was 11 years old. We played it over and over, and then we'd flip it over to the "B" side, and sing along with the instrumental version.
I'm married now and have a 5-year-old daughter, and someday I'll dig "Disco Duck" out. We'll sit down and I'll explain platform shoes, white leisure suits and the phrase "Get down . . . Boogie Oogie Oogie" to her. Hopefully, this will discourage her from ever joining the "Save the '70s Preservation Society." - Kevin Burk, Renton
Ode to an outhouse
The most embarrassing music hidden deep in my closet is "Boris the Spider" by The Who. I was raised on Orcas Island during the post-World War II days of hand-dug wells, water rationing and the familiar outhouse. Our outhouse, even though Mom cleaned it weekly, attracted a generous congregation of spiders. Sometimes it was an act of courage for me to sneak into the outhouse without disturbing any spiders - especially those that resided under the seat.
Boris the Spider
Boris the Spider
Creepy Crawly, Creepy Crawly, Creepy Crawly . . .
There he is out to the hall.
First succeeds. He moved - that's all.
Perhaps it's better, just be sure -
Take this goop up off the floor. - Suzanne Gott Anderson Bellevue
The song is a hoot
It's stupid, but I love it. It's a country-western song by Elmo and Patsy called "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road."
Now you can't fool me
That hain't no rose
Roll up yer winder and hold yer nose
Ya don't havta look, ya don't havta see.
You can feel it in yer olfactory!
I thought the song was a hoot and I also loved that Elmo wore tight rhinestone-studded overalls and had a great tush. - Jean A. Edmonson, Duvall
Yodeling back to the '40s
"Lisa Yodels" and yodels some more, on both sides of a long-play record. I can't stand it, but it's a reminder of the days - back in the '40s - when I was a teenager and wanted to learn to yodel. I did try, but the young epiglottis, Adam's apple or whatever wouldn't vibrate.
Twenty years ago, my husband bought this for me as a joke. He confessed his teenage desire was to play the harmonica. His talent didn't develop either, but it gives me an idea for his next birthday. I wonder if "Lisa Plays the Harmonica?" - Marianne Gunsolus, Mercer Island
Oh, that Partridge Family
I have a varied collection of music, including "The Joy of Bellydancing," "Elizabethan Lute Songs" and "Flock of Seagulls." But the only album I have turned around backward is "The Partridge Family Sound Magazine." Believe it or not, I still like some of the songs in it. I also figure just about everyone else tossed theirs out and mine might be worth something someday. - Michelle McBride, Bothell
Appealing and insulting
I bought "Say Man" by Bo Diddley for the great lyrics. Two men are trading insults regarding how the other guy or his girlfriend is.
Sample lyrics:
That chick looked so ugly she had to sneak up on a glass to get a drink of water.
The stork that brought you into the world ought to be arrested.
And my favorite: You look like you been whupped with an ugly stick.
If I play it on a car trip, my friend gets irritated, which makes the song even more appealing. - Patricia Craig, Seattle
Long hair, folk guitars
All I remember is the sing-along chorus. Here it is:
Saturday night, we all got together in the usual place
Like we usually do.
Saturday night, we cooked up something special - peanut butter, bagels and goldfish stew.
This one came to us by way of two older guys who sang most regularly at the coffeehouse on our college campus in the '60s.
Picture: long hair, folk guitars. - Judith Winter, Greenbank
A Dolly Parton weeper
Any song that begins, "In this mental institution, looking out through these iron bars . . ." would qualify.
This Dolly Parton weeper, "Daddy Please Come and Get Me," relates the lament of a (pre-feminist) woman whose man has committed her in order to pursue another woman.
Why have I treasured it? It serves a valuable psychological purpose. Whenever I feel embarrassed because I possess two copies of the immortal "Honey," I reflect on this song, and then the Bobby Goldsboro classic seems tasteful by comparison. - Tony Blanchett, Seattle
`Ringo,' sung by Lorne
The best of my most-humiliating-songs collection (which includes such wonders as "Ahab the Arab," "Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" and an entire album of readings by William Shatner titled "The Transformed Man") has got to be "Ringo" sung by Lorne Greene. I purchased it sometime around 1964 to be used in my sixth-grade talent show, the details of which are too embarrassing.
The flip side is the theme song from "Bonanza," also sung by Greene. Who in their right mind would ever part with such a classic? - Ruth Rosen, Bellevue